As we prepare to celebrate Thanksgiving, the same stories about the Pilgrims and the “Indians” helping each other are being told to children. But this is not the whole story. Native Americans have faced hundreds of years under the abuse and persecution of White people from Europe. The White Puritans forced them from their own lands, and these people murdered many, many of Native Americans of all ages. The Whites also introduced the Native Americans to diseases that they were not immune from, thus, killing thousands and thousands of them.
The Puritans also tried to ruin the Natives’ culture by shoving Christianity down their throats. And they took their children away to boarding schools to “beat the savages out of them.” The White people wouldn’t keep promises and treaties with the Native Americans. The Native Americans were willing to share their own food and knowledge with the White people, but the Whites refused to compromise and/or keep their promises to the Natives due to greed and the need for power.
I am strongly urging people to start teaching their children the whole story instead of just the fluffy ones that are taught year after year. It’s time for the oppressed to be remembered and recognized for all they went through and all they continue to be put through.
Here are a couple of excellent resources to help remember the Native Americans this Thanksgiving.
This is excellent for children 7 and up. It’s in Sitting Bull’s own words.
This is a reference for everything I have written in this post:
March was Cerebral Palsy (CP) Awareness Month and April was Child Abuse Awareness Month, and I have been wanting to write this post for a while now. This post will cover CP and abuse and mental health issues as May is Mental Health Awareness Month.
Cerebral palsy is a neurological disorder that affects the brain causing difficulty in movement. It can be mild, affect one side of the body, or severe. I have severe cerebral palsy and I can’t physically take care of myself at all. I didn’t breathe for 40 minutes after I was born and they almost gave up on me. I was in the NICU for a couple weeks and I wasn’t expected to live. But I did! I will be 40 in September!
But the lack of oxygen caused the brain damage that led to the CP. I can’t control my muscles and have spasms which are involuntary contractions of the muscles and involuntary movements. I am typical cognitively. I type with my nose and write books and these posts with my nose. My children’s book about my life with CP will hopefully be out at the end of the year. Getting the right illustrators has been hard but I finally found the perfect people to do it and they are doing a wonderful job with it!
Having a severe physical disability is hard but I refuse to let it ruin my life. I am a survivor and I hate pity! I crave acceptance and to be seen as a person! Sadly, many people are not able to see the real me. They see me as a child or subhuman instead of a competent person. I am so much more than my disability.
I prefer person-first language. I am a person with a disability, not a “disabled person.” I am a person with cerebral palsy! I refuse to be defined by my disability. Words like “handicapped,” “cripple,” “retard,” and “spaz” are very offensive to the disability community. We are people who deserve respect and rights and support. But again, despite making progress in this country, some people just refuse to accept and see us.
Children with disabilities are more likely to be abused and bullied. I was. Children that didn’t know me would make fun of me at school. I was also physically, mentally, emotionally, and verbally abused by my parents. As I have written in another blog post, I truly believe that both parents are/were narcissistic which is confusing because they did fight for me for the services that I needed and did care for and loved me, but there was also abuse at home. Some of the abuse that I experienced I recently found out through professional therapy that it was abuse and that I wasn’t protected like I should have been and have been put down even through adulthood. I am now protecting myself from those people and my husband does a wonderful job with helping me.
What is sad is that in a Facebook group my abuse was questioned by some of the parents and these parents claimed that adults with CP are harder on parents. There’s no evidence that this is the case and all the people I know with CP have wonderful relationships with their parents because they weren’t abused by them. Never ever question the abuse of someone!!
Due to the lack of being able to do what typical children and adults are able to do combined with the abuse and trauma I have suffered, I battle anxiety, CPTSD, PTSD, and depression every day. Sometimes I have it pretty together and other times it is a struggle. The pandemic has heightened everything and I am struggling to get out of it again. I will though. Therapy is helping me.
Having CP is just something I live with like my mental health issues. I try to use my pain to help people. If I can stop one child from being hit or otherwise abused, I will keep advocating and educating people who are willing to learn. My pain and abuse doesn’t define me either but it is something that I live with.
I wish there was more acceptance for people with disabilities and mental health issues. I also wish that people understood that how we treat children will affect their mental health. If one isn’t a white, rich man, it’s still hard to get along in this society and this must change. There should be no stigma for the abused, people with disabilities, or people with mental health issues.
Let’s raise our children to be more aware and accepting. I hope my children’s book that will hopefully be out by the end of the year will help with creating a more zombie accepting world.
The past few months have been really difficult for me with the Covid-19 pandemic and being super high risk. It has made me struggle with dealing with my own trauma, trying to do what is right and safe regarding the trauma of having a mother who can’t give me what I need, but still wanting her and my other biological family to remain safe. I have felt isolated and anxious and depressed. Being so high risk due to my asthma and severe Cerebral Palsy (CP) has made me angry when I finally realized how serious this virus is for many and seeing how people just don’t want to do what we need to do to be safe!
Life with CP is limiting and even though we find a way to do stuff that I want to do, it’s not easy like typical people who are able to just jump in the car and go. My state is in Phase 3 of reopening and I got my first non-essential, non-medical outing this week to my tattoo artists and chosen family to finish my Samoset kitty tattoo that was started before the outbreak and lockdown started. I was only able to do it because they locked the door and my husband and I were the only ones in there besides the artists. Masks were worn and sanitizer was used even more.
Samoset tattoo by Todd Bass at Triphammer Carbondale.
Throughout this pandemic, I have been aware of all the different aspects of it. My mental health as well as others have suffered due to isolation, people are losing everything, suicide is up. There’s so much to this pandemic and it is so sad that some elected officials are not doing everything they can to prevent this from being so out of control.
I know children and parents are struggling. I think the best thing to do for children is to create routines that are flexible and, if they are old enough, allow them to have a say in the routines. And as I’m sure you have already heard, answer questions honestly but briefly depending on their age and development.
This is scary for the children too. They have lost a lot and they may not be able to understand why. So I have heard a lot of regression in children’s behaviors have been happening from parents. This is so hard because I know parents are stressed out too. I recommend reassuring the children and finding an activity such as meditation or reading or yoga to help calm stress and fear. This is not an easy time for anyone.
Now we have a horrible murder of a black man, George Floyd, that has set off protests and riots in the midst of a pandemic. It is so scary and sad. Racism has got to stop!
I used to say “all lives matter” and even wrote a blog post in which I used “All Lives Matter” for the title of the post that covered every race, ethnicity, religion, gender, sexual orientation, and, of course, children mattering.
Having a severe physical disability made me question, “what about other minorities?” I was a Republican slowly making my way towards Libertarianism at the time. I am now a Libertarian and while I still love Jesus, I’m no longer into mainstream Christianity anymore due to the legalism, bad church doctrine, and abuse, and hate.
I now understand the Black Lives Matter movement and right now this group of people desperately need our support, validation, and LOVE! Saying “all lives matter” doesn’t do this for black people who are hurting badly. Jesus immediately went to the people in desperate need no matter who they are. Jews didn’t hang around Samaritan people but Jesus did.
I know many Christians and conservatives won’t hear me because I was the same way about this topic and I had to figure it out for myself. But I am embarrassed by my ignorance even though I was trying to be fair and supportive and was trying to validate everyone but I was wrong. I support Black Lives Matter and peaceful protests except for the Coronavirus concern. I hope my story helps someone moving away from ignorance to validation and love over being “right.”
Our children are watching everything and need to be taught kindness and acceptance for all. There has also got to be a major change because most black families experience so much pain and violence in their lifetimes and parents of black children are even more likely to spank/hit and harshly punished because they fear that if they don’t teach strict obedience to authority that it could be their child that is murdered by a bad cop. But this spanking and hardship make the children more likely to act out and get into crime.
And while police lives also matter, it’s important to keep in mind that there are many good cops of all races and they don’t deserve to suffer. On the other hand, white cops need to remember that at the end of the shift, they are like everyone else. But black people still have to deal with the racism and can’t hide from it.
Please be safe and get tested for Covid-19 if you participate in the peaceful protests and quarantine yourself because we can’t make change can’t happen if we’re sick and in the hospital or dead.
May we strive for kindness and love and create this in our children. May peace, love, and light reign in our world!
My sister-in- law sent me this meme, and I am forever grateful because I am going through a lot right now. I’m far from perfect, but I truly believe that this applies to ALL ages and ALL relationships.
I tell my story and advocate for those who don’t have a voice because I want my pain to do good. If my pain helps others, then it’s all worth it!
I can’t believe it’s Christmas time again. Well, it was when I began writing this post.
If you’re anything like me, you enjoy helping others in need all year-round, but especially this time of the year. There are so many people in need and we are called to help them.
Unfortunately, this time of year also brings out the greediness in many. You usually see this on Black Friday (which starts on Thanksgiving night now) and just before Christmas when people fight over the products that they must have.
Our children are aware of all of this. They are also aware of when we are unkind to each other and them. Conversely, they’re also aware of our kindness and compassion for each other.
Punishment is also a form of bullying because it teaches children how to force people to do what they want. It is a temporary, ineffective solution to any behavioral issues, but especially for bullying. Most bullying is the result of bullies feeling powerless because there’s either too much control in the home, i.e. authoritarian parenting (very controlling and punitive), or not enough care and acknowledgment, i.e.neglectful and permissive parenting. Some children (and adults) are so desperate for control and power that they will target seemingly weaker people. They push and push until they get the reaction they want and then they feel powerful being over the other person.
While I completely understand the seriousness of bullying as I have been bullied and made fun of my whole life, and I just dealt with a cyber bully, I feel like the dad just reinforced the bully mentality by making his daughter walk to school and video it.
What did it teach her about kindness and respect? NOTHING! And his demeanor was very punitive and bullyish. Forcing her to walk in the cold while he followed her in his truck and videoed the whole thing is punishment, not a consequence of her actions. And SHE was also bullied herself. Think maybe she was trying to exercise power over others like they had done to her? There is no excuse for bullying, but you have to understand all the reasons why a child is behaving in a certain manner so that you can work with him/her and teach him/her.
Children learn what they live. As I said, I just recently had a cyber bullying incident that I had to report to Facebook. Both children and adults get behind their screens and say things that they usually wouldn’t ever say to the other person’s face. I have not been a bully but I have been harsh online and have had to apologize for my behavior. Saying anything cruel and calling names is bullying and verbal and emotional abuse!
It’s very important to realize that people of any age that act poorly usually feel poorly. If one feels good about oneself, usually they don’t have the need to exercise control or get a reaction from another person. There’s no need to purposefully hurt another person when you have healthy self-compassion. Bullies are trying to get/do one of two things:
Exercise control over a weaker person to feel powerful and inflict pain so that someone else can feel the pain that they are feeling.
To get a negative reaction from the victim as well as attention from others.
I would be very upset if I had a child and my child ever bullied another child. Social media and other media outlets are showing bullying to children. So the first two things I would ask if my child was being a bully is “What have I been doing to contribute to this?” And, “Why is my child feeling like he/she has to bully?” There is a reason for all unwanted behaviors. I would work on the connection between my child and me.
I would limit screen time for my child and insist on knowing every account they have. Many children and adults have secret accounts for bullying and other inappropriate things that they don’t want anyone else to know about. It is crucial to be an active participant in our children’s online activities. We need to stop cyber bullying and teach children that cyber bullying is also never okay. If they see online bullying, they should put an eyeball 👁 emoji in the comments. And cyber bullying must always be reported!
I would have many long discussions with my child about why it’s NEVER ok to bully. I would read books with him/her about people who were bullied. I would role play to teach kindness. I would have him/her do community service with me.
Teaching children unconditional kindness is so important. Unconditional kindness is when we do something kind to someone without expecting any type of reward or credit for it . This is true kindness.
Another critical thing I would do is teach my children about all different people and not do anything to criticize differences. When disability, culture, religion, age, race, and sexuality differences are understood, there’s less bullying because children learn that we’re all humans and we deserve equality and respect no matter what! This is why I wrote my children’s book about my cerebral palsy which is currently being illustrated. When we understand someone very different than us, it leads to kindness and compassion (unless the person is mentally ill and unable to be kind).
Finally, I would take the child to and from school and check in with her/his teacher until I could trust him/her again. Gentle parenting is more work than just punishment. Most parents don’t do anything because they don’t know how.
Understanding what drives bullies is crucial to both stopping and preventing it. Teaching children empathy and compassion is so important. And Christmas time is a great time to really teach this so it will continue year-long. When children see and are involved with more giving than receiving, they’re taught about empathy for people who aren’t as well off as they might be. It also teaches gratefulness and that they are not entitled to get anything.
Christmas and New Years’ is a time to get involved with different charities. It’s also a time to reflect on our relationships with our children and other people. Children need our love and a deep connection with us. They need to see healthy relationships with people. This is vital for teaching empathy, compassion, and love towards others. They also need us to teach them healthy coping skills for their negative emotions.
I believe most bullies can be reformed if they are worked with for a while. It may not happen overnight but we have the power to show them what empathy and compassion looks like. We can soften a harden heart by helping them deal with their own pain that is causing them to bully. We can teach them gently that greed and entitlement are bad.
Children who witness bullying should always report it to a trusted adult. If they are being bullied, they should do their best not to react and walk away to report it. I believe teaching children self-defense is also important. Taekwondo and karate are wonderful ways of accomplishing this!
This Bible verse came up in my devotional recently during my cyber bullying incident. It comforted me and applies to everyone even if one isn’t a believer.
“But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High; for He Himself is kind to ungrateful and evil men” (Luke 6:35, NASB).
As we enter the new year, may we use gentle parenting to prevent bullying and raise kind, compassionate children! I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and will have a happy, healthy, blessed New Year!
Interesting title, huh? I’m glad I got your attention.
I have been moving away from the dogma of the evangelical Christian community for quite some time now. The closer I get to Jesus Christ and His teachings, the more I have trouble dealing with evangelical Christians. Why?
They use the Old Testament and parts of the New Testament that were written in a completely different time, culture, and historical period to oppress groups of people who don’t subscribe to their dogma. These people include:
*Children
*The LBGTQ community. Drag queens and kings are cool!
*People of different races and ethnicities. Missionaries are simply supposed to teach the love of Christ to them but end up totally changing their culture.
*People who choose to decorate their bodies with piercings, tattoos, and unique hair styles and colors.
Basically, the conservative evangelical Christian will preach love to draw people in, but then use verses out of context to abuse, hurt, oppress, reject, and even torture people. I am not ok with this.
I used to be an evangelical Christian. I used to be legalistic. I used to think the written Word was infallible. But I don’t anymore because when you take time to research different topics and what the original text said, it’s written for the people of that time but, through the Holy Spirit, we can gain much insight into Who God is by reading and studying the Bible. I just don’t think the Bible is the be all, end all for the issues of today.
I think the main thing God wanted all of us throughout the entire earthly time until Jesus’s return to gain from Him and His Word is LOVE!
“If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.2If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth;bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails; but if there are gifts of[prophecy, they will be done away; if there aretongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away.For we know in part and we prophesy in part;but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away.When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things.For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known.But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love” (1 Corinthians 13:1-13, NASB).
Did you read this? Whatever we do, if we don’t havelove, it means nothing to God. And I know that many Christians will tell you that they’re doing everything “in love” but love doesn’t hurt people! And love is the greatest of all.
Jesus preached love. He died a horrific death for all of humanity in love. He sure didn’t suffer and die for His health!
“For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life” (John 3:16, NASB).
And:
“But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8, NASB).
The Bible is a Book of love and redemption. It was never intended to be used to oppress, abuse, hurt, or even kill people. We’re supposed to be breaking the yoke of oppression.
“To loosen the bonds of wickedness,
To undo the bands of the yoke,
And to let the oppressed go free
And break every yoke?
‘Is it not to divide your bread with the hungry
And bring the homeless poor into the house;
When you see the naked, to cover him;
And not to hide yourself from your own flesh?
‘Then your light will break out like the dawn,
And your recovery will speedily spring forth;
And your righteousness will go before you;
The glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.
‘Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
You will cry, and He will say, ‘Here I am.’
If you remove the yoke from your midst,
The pointing of the finger and speaking wickedness,
And if you give yourself to the hungry
And satisfy the desire of the afflicted,
Then your light will rise in darkness
And your gloom will become like midday.
‘And the LORD will continually guide you,
And satisfy your desire in scorched places,
And give strength to your bones;
And you will be like a watered garden,
And like a spring of water whose waters do not fail.
‘Those from among you will rebuild the ancient ruins;
You will raise up the age-old foundations;
And you will be called the repairer of the breach,
The restorer of the streets in which to dwell'” (Isaiah 58:6-12)! NASB).
Jesus quotes some of this in Luke 4:17-19. And if you really read through the Gospel, it’s full of teaching about treating the “lowlife” people in society with love and freeing them from their oppression, not separating children from their parents and holding them in cages because their parents are seeking asylum, not telling the LBGTQ that they are going to Hell, not treating people with disabilities patronizingly or thinking their disabilities are due to sin, not picking certain people who need help while ignoring or rejecting others that don’t fit the “criteria,” not promoting child abuse and corporal punishment, not judging people with tattoos or piercings, and not stopping and insulting people who are using a God-given plant to help heal themselves and grow closer to Jesus.
Jesus was the hardest on the self-righteous teachers of the Law and Pharisees.
“Then Jesus spoke to the crowds and to His disciples,saying: “The scribes and the Pharisees have seated themselves in the chair of Moses;therefore all that they tell you, do and observe, but do not do according to their deeds; for they say things and do not do them.They tie up heavy burdens and lay them on men’s shoulders, but they themselves are unwilling to move them with so much as a finger.But they do all their deeds to be noticed by men; for they broaden their phylacteries and lengthen the tassels of their garments.They love the place of honor at banquets and the chief seats in the synagogues,and respectful greetings in the market places, and being called Rabbi by men.But do not be called Rabbi; for One is your Teacher, and you are all brothers.Do not call anyone on earth your father; for One is your Father, He who is in heaven.Do not be called leaders; for One is your Leader, that is, Christ. But the greatest among you shall be your servant.Whoever exalts himself shall be humbled; and whoever humbles himself shall be exalted” (Matthew 23:1-12, NASB).
I just cannot be associated with these evangelical Christians. I will love them from afar as Jesus wants, but many are wolves in sheep’s clothing. Some have just gotten caught up in bad church doctrine and dogma like I was for many years. I hope that more and more people wake up and teach their children to love above all else!
I really related to a recent meditation session. I’m finding myself. Have been for a few years now intensely and I’m not the “sweet, good Christian little disabled girl” everyone seems to see me as. I’m a badass, humble, loving, kind, Christ-follower who loves to party, get tattoos, free spirited woman who will always speak up for the children and the oppressed.
My husband and I recently went to Pride with my friend who is gay. Our first pride event ever. It was so peaceful and fun and nobody promoting anything but love and supporting each other. We went to drag queen bingo and had a blast. So fun. Nothing evil or even very adult only.
I didn’t understand drag queens and kings when I wrote the post to which I linked to above. These people are simply bringing awareness and poking fun at traditional gender stereotypes. They are not sinning by dressing up as the opposite sex. They simply want people to further understand and respect the LBGTQ community. Good fun people.
So with that, I sign off with what this post is about and why I am no longer an evangelical Christian, but rather, a Christ-follower:
***Special note: I wrote this over a week ago but because I take this matter so seriously, I had some peers read over it. I have edited this post a few times and have rewritten things. I hope my love and my own story touches all who read this.***
I am in tears as I write this. I didn’t sleep very well last night due to someone I thought I knew and I thought he/she knew me calling me a “racist” for not jumping onboard with the Black Lives Matter movement. I am also losing friends for this reason.
In my original post regarding the recent two police brutality cases and cop killings, I said that “all lives matter.” You can find the link for the post and my follow-up post a little later in this post. When I shared my “All Lives Matter” post on Facebook A.K.A. “Hatebook,” I came across a meme claiming that the phrase “all lives matter” was created by white supremacist groups in opposition to Black Lives Matter. I should have known better and researched it before writing my follow-up post where I apologized but explained that I truly mean it when I say all lives matter. But my emotions took over and I didn’t investigate it.
After calming down, my husband looked it up and discovered that “All Lives Matter” was NOT created by white supremacist groups! He made the observation that wouldn’t white supremacists say, “White Lives Matter?” After all, they hate everyone who isn’t a white Anglo-Saxon Protestant — “WASP.” Yes, we know them best for going after black people, but they hate everyone else too. Sure enough, there is nothing to show that “all lives matter” is from a white supremacist group. In fact, black people say it too.
“In the discussion surrounding “Black Lives Matter”, the slogan “All Lives Matter” is sometimes used as an alternative. Its supporters include Senator Tim Scott. According to an August 2015 poll, 78% of likely American voters said the statement All Lives Matters was “close[r] to [their] own” than Black Lives Matter. Only 11% said the statement Black Lives Matter was closer. Nine percent said neither statement reflected their point of view” (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Lives_Matter#.22All_Lives_Matter.22).
What’s even more interesting is that U.S. Senator Tim Scott is a black man! As my husband and I further investigated this in order to be absolutely certain that the phrase has nothing to do with any white supremacist groups, we found the following article from the Washington Post about a student that left a note on a professor’s door in the College of Law that read “All Lives Matter” which states the following:
“Then two members of the U.S. Commission on Civil Rights — speaking as individuals, not for the commission — wrote to the dean.
“The response of American University faculty and staff was nothing short of Orwellian,” Gail Heriot and Peter Kirsanow wrote, in part. They also wrote:
“Nearly sixty members of the law faculty and staff signed a letter calling this an ‘act of intolerance,’ because it refers to ‘all lives’ rather than only ‘black lives.’
This makes American University look foolish.
Even sillier, the letter calls this obviously true statement — that the lives of all members of the human species are valuable — ‘a rallying cry for many who espouse ideas of white supremacy.’
While we know that President Obama has stated that ‘all lives matter,’ we are not personally aware of any cases in which white supremacists (a rare species these days) have made that statement.
‘Equating a student making a legitimate and utterly unobjectionable point with a white supremacist is nonsensical.’
(Obama, in explaining why he does not think the phrase ‘Black Lives Matter’ is offensive and that he does not think the protesters are suggesting other people’s lives don’t matter, said in October, ‘I think everybody understands all lives matter’).
By phone, Heriot, a professor of law at the University of San Diego, said that when she saw the letter from the professors, ‘My reaction was that this was — quite outrageous. I just wish that people in positions of authority, like members of a law-school faculty, would try not to make things worse by engaging in name-calling of this kind.'”
If you Google “all lives matter,” the only thing you’ll see is people arguing about it and criticizing people who use the phrase. SAD!! An inclusive phrase being ripped apart. Anyway, note to self: always research stuff before taking it as “fact” when you see it on Facebook.
I want to make it very clear that I support all black people. All my life I have been aware of how unfair the world can be by judging people by appearances in the way some whites will look at a person’s skin color and falsely and automatically assume bad things about them. ButI just can’t support the group Black Lives Matter. I don’t believe that they’re representatives of the race, and sadly, they are hurting race relations through their behavior. Many black people do want peace and love. They even peacefully protest. However, Black Lives Matter seems to draw unstable radicals who cause a great deal of death and mayhem. I also feel that Black Lives Matter dismisses other minority groups that have been oppressed and horribly treated throughout history and into the present. What about the Jews and the Holocaust? Recently anti-semitism has come back. What about the Native Americans who were murdered and now live on reservations?
To understand where I stand with the recent police brutality cases and the cop killings, see here and here.
The reason why I am so upset that I was called a “racist” is because I clearly condemned all violence and all racism and bigotry in my posts! Also, this person said that I have “white privilege.” To be honest, I don’t feel like I have much “privilege” at all because my family and I have had to fight for everything I need and I am still fighting. My life, while blessed in comparison to many, is anything but easy.
Also, I have regular encounters of prejudice against me based on my severe disability. Webster Dictionary defines the word “prejudice” as:
“1: injury or damage resulting from some judgment or action of another in disregard of one’s rights; especially : detriment to one’s legal rights or claims
2a (1) : preconceived judgment or opinion (2) : an adverse opinion or leaning formed without just grounds or before sufficient knowledge
b : an instance of such judgment or opinion
c : an irrational attitude of hostility directed against an individual, a group, a race, or their supposed characteristics” (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/prejudice).
Prejudice often leads to discrimination which Webster Dictionary defines as:
“1 a : the act of discriminating
b : the process by which two stimuli differing in some aspect are responded to differently
2: the quality or power of finely distinguishing
3a : the act, practice, or an instance of discriminating categorically rather than individually
b : prejudiced or prejudicial outlook, action, or treatment <racial discrimination>” (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/discrimination).
Sometimes we must make sure something is good by discriminating whether a fruit is fresh or not. But when it comes to human beings, we need to stop being prejudiced and discriminatory based solely on their outward appearance.
And I have never understood why white people think they are better than others simply because they are white. This problem with any and all people thinking they are supreme over others just confuses me. Of course, it’s especially apparent with children. Many adults of all races, ethnicities, and religions look down upon children and treat them as property.
Andblack people are rightly upset because throughout history other people have been prejudiced against them and have discriminated against them based solely on their skin color . This ongoing prejudice and discrimination is SO WRONG!
However, before anyone calls someone like me a “racist,” you need to walk a mile…Oh wait, I can’t walk, so it’s more appropriate probably to say… Roll a mile on my wheels. Let’s look at my reality for a moment since I have been looking at everyone else’s.
1. When I was born in 1981, I didn’t breathe for forty minutes. The doctors wanted to give up on me, but my dad almost had to punch the doctor so they wouldn’t stop working on me. It literally saved my life. I am a miracle.
2. Even after I was stabilized, the doctors still didn’t think I would live. My parents kept fighting for the best medical care I could get.
3. When my parents got me home and started raising me, they quickly saw that I wasn’t developing as a typical baby should. I rolled over and army crawled but I couldn’t sit up, crawl, or walk. I couldn’t always hold my head up in certain positions. I couldn’t control my arms and legs much. My parents had to go from doctor to doctor to figure out what was “wrong” with me. Finally at around 18 months, I was diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy. After the diagnosis, they said that I wouldn’t do much.
4. I believe that some people looked at me and assumed I wouldn’t do much with my life and told my parents to just put me in a “special school” or just “put me away” as institutionalizing children and adults with disabilities was still happening in the 1980s. Heck, it’s still happening today in many parts of the world. Thankfully, my parents kept me and helped me to do the most I physically could such as hold my head up as much as I could, talk even though it was slurred, and use my hands a little. They saw that I wanted to do stuff and helped me to do things. They taught me that I could be like everyone else despite my severe cerebral palsy.
5. My family was in the working class. Both of my parents had to work to make ends meet, which meant fighting for all of the services and equipment that I needed that they couldn’t afford to provide for me. I often heard them fighting the school district for a full-time aide to be with me at school to both help me physically with my schoolwork as well as take care of all of my physical needs at school. They also had to fight the school to make sure I received the physical, occupational, and speech therapy that I needed.
School officials would look at me and assume I wasn’t able to even be in the regular classrooms so I had to prove that I could be in a regular classroom instead of in the secluded special needs class. In third grade I was finally mainstreamed into the regular classroom full time.
Then my parents had to fight with my teachers to cut down some of my homework or give me extra time to get it done because it took me longer than typical children to do my homework either by dictating the answers to someone or to type it up when I taught myself to type with my nose at the age of nine.
My parents always had to fight to get me the adaptive equipment I needed such as wheelchairs, “potty” chairs, and bath chairs because the insurance companies never wanted to cover any of that stuff and it is very expensive. All this fighting went on my entire childhood. Nothing came easily for me!
In eighth grade, my parents fought for me to get my first speech augmentation device. Again, these are very expensive and insurance companies don’t cover these most of the time.
6. Because everyone has always looked at me and assumed things about me, growing up, I never had more than a few good friends. And sometimes others would make fun of me if they didn’t know me. In junior high and high school, making friends was even harder because I wasn’t “cool” and couldn’t go out like everybody else did. Boys– forget it. My husband was the first and only serious relationship I’ve ever had! Nobody wants to be with the “disabled girl.”
7. Being in high school was even worse because on top of the friend and boyfriend situation, even my personal aide looked at me and assumed the worst about me. She told me that I would never go to college, get married, have the career I wanted, have children, and was destined to live in some group home.
8. Throughout my entire life I have always been the person with the most severe disability in pretty much every situation. I am the “Guinea pig” because I was so physically disabled that teachers and others didn’t know how to deal with me. But I always enjoyed proving people wrong. I truly hope that I have helped pave the way for other people with disabilities to be successful.
9. This means when I went to college, some of the professors had their doubts about me, assuming that, because of my appearance I couldn’t successfully complete the early childhood education program. Again, I had to prove myself and work hard to be at the top of my class, which I did throughout college and graduate school. I also had to prove that with the right help, I could work with children. They quickly saw that the children warmed right up to me.
Now you might think I’m done with fighting since I am married, educated, and an author. If so, you are absolutely wrong! It’s been two and a half years since I graduated with highest honors from grad school and while fellow graduates of all races and ethnicities have their careers and families firmly established, no matter how hard I try, I haven’t been able to to break through closed doors in order to firmly establish my career so that my husband and I have income and can have a child before we get too old.
I can’t say if any of this is due to discrimination or not but obviously prejudice has played a major role. I mean here’s what happens at my book signing events:
I just started noticing that some people do avoid me at my book events. As a teen, that was the way it was because I wasn’t “cool” and “like everybody else,” so only those who took the time to get to know me hung out with me. This was extremely difficult for me as a teenager.
I had thought it had gotten better in college and grad school because most were happy to talk with me. But since my book has come out, I’ve had a number of book signings in my area with only a couple people showing up.
At first, I thought it was because my book is about gentle, respectful parenting. Corporal punishment is so ingrained in our society, especially Christian society, that it can be very difficult to get people to see that God never intended for children to be spanked/hit.
But, after a recent book event where some people seemed to go out of their way to avoid me, it became obvious that it is more than just the content of my book. I’m sure there are other reasons why some people don’t approach me. I do feel, after being more in the public eye, some are afraid of me or intimidated by me.
How does this make me feel? I’m fighting back tears as I type this. It hurts. It makes me angry. It makes me sick.
Christians, I feel, should be the most accepting of me. Yet, at a Christian bookstore, Christians seemed to go out of their way to avoid me. But, God is using my disability for His GLORY! I am not being punished. My parents are not being punished. God needs me exactly how I am to do His work for Him which happens to be advocating for children, the least of these. Read John 9 for a better understanding of how God can and does use people with disabilities for His glory.
Please come talk to me. Ask me questions. I love talking with people. I love answering questions. My husband is always with me to help people understand me. Please don’t go out of your way to avoid me.
This is an excerpt from the interview I did with my friend on September 1, 2014. Please click here to read the entire interview.
Why am I telling you all of this? It’s definitely not to get pity! I truly hate pity! But I want people to understand, especially the people who call me “racist” and “privileged,” to see that I know hardship all too well. I know what it feels like to have people look at me and decide things about me, negative things about me, just based on my outward appearance. While I don’t have to worry about being pulled over by a cop for no apparent reason just because I’m black and facing the subsequent possibility of being beaten or killed due to police brutality and/or racial prejudice, I know I will never know what it is like to be a black person. But that’s where it ends because I’ve been called names, I get stared at, I get avoided, I’m not where I would be in my life if I wasn’t disabled. Able-bodied people will never understand what it’s like to be disabled. Believe it or not, people with mental disabilities were used in slavery. If they weren’t useful, they were thrown away in institutions where care was not high quality at all. Due to this, people with disabilities had shorter lifespans.
I don’t feel “privileged” because money is very tight for my husband and me. We drive a 20-year-old van that is dying and unreliable but we can’t afford a new (to us) van that my wheelchair will fit in, and people had to pitch-in so we could afford to buy me a new wheelchair, for which I am very grateful! I don’t get welfare or disability because for some reason we don’t qualify for it. My husband stays home to care for me 24/7 as it is extremely difficult to get reliable help for me, which is why I work so hard to find my place in my field. Nothing comes easy for me.
Yet, I feel like I have been crying out and protesting to the world that #peoplewithdisabiliteslivesmatter all my life through the way I’ve been living and fighting to prove people wrong. I feel that if I were to instead scream that “People with disabilities lives matter,” and complain about how bad people with disabilities have it that it wouldn’t show the world they’re wrong about me. It would only turn people off. It may even make some angry and not want to help or get involved. It may even make unstable people want to hurt and murder us even more.
Children with disabilities are very likely to be abused. I was abused! Actions speak louder than words, and because people look at me and assume I have nothing to offer, I do my best to live my life in a manner that educates and inspires. I’m almost finished with a children’s book about my cerebral palsy to educate children on how to treat people with disabilities with respect. And I have done interviews with my friend to educate others about what life with cerebral palsy is like.
Another thing is that TV shows and movies rarely have people with severe disabilities on them. Usually it’s either someone with Down Syndrome, Autism, or a person in a wheelchair that has upper body control. Every other minority group is regularly featured in tv shows and movies which is great! But! Finally, this fall on ABC, there will be a show with a boy with severe cerebral palsy!!
What’s even better is the boy actually has severe cerebral palsy!! The show is called Speechless. I cried for joy when I found this out much like black people must have when finally they were featured in TV shows and movies. But wouldn’t you know it that some ignorant person already put down the show because it will “normalize” “the disabled” and not make us want to cure them. Hate and ignorance is everywhere!
As excited as I am about the new show Speechless, it’s also important for me to point out that I don’t focus solely on advocating for cerebral palsy. Anyone following me for any length of time knows that my passion is advocating for all children. And when I do share things about disabilities, it’s about all types of disabilities. I do not feel any disability is more important than the other.
No matter what your race, ethnicity, religion, sexuality, gender, age, or disability, if you group people together and label them in a negative manner, that is wrong. All are equal. All matter! All deserve to be heard! All need a voice! But let’s do it in a way that gets more people to listen and want to empathize.
So I do understand why blacks have had it with the fact that people will look no deeper than the color of their skin and assume incorrect things about them. Bad things. They will assume that they’re thieves, thugs, criminals, or worse based upon their skin color. But the way to prove the world wrong about their assumptions isn’t by yelling, rioting, killing, beating, insulting, and destroying property. Such behavior only serves to reinforce the negative stereotypes and inaccurate assumptions about black people.
Love and peace is how we prove people’s assumptions about us wrong and enact change.
The other night I posted a post called ALL LIVES MATTER! Imagine my horror and frustration when I find out on Facebook A.K.A “Hatebook” that some white supremacist groups have taken over the “all lives matter” phrase and it is seen as racist.
First, I’m truly sorry that evil groups have hijacked something that is so true. I thought I was clear that I condemn both the two police brutality cases in which two black men were murdered for no good reason AND the cop killing!
Sadly, extremely sadly, it seems that context no longer matters. Just because hateful people misuse a phrase does not mean that someone like me who had no idea about this is using it to be hateful. When I say “all lives matter,” or now, “every life matters,” I truly mean just that!
I don’t mind if you’re one of the following:
“American Indian or Alaska Native: A person having origins in any of the original peoples of North and South America (including Central America), and who maintains tribal affiliation or community attachment. Asian: A person having origins in any of the original peoples of the Far East, Southeast Asia, or the Indian subcontinent including, for example, Cambodia, China, India, Japan, Korea, Malaysia, Pakistan, the Philippine Islands, Thailand, and Vietnam. Black or African American: A person having origins in any of the black racial groups of Africa. Terms such as “Haitian” or “Negro” can be used in addition to “Black or African American.” Native Hawaiian or Other Pacific Islander: A person having origins in any of the original peoples of Hawaii, Guam, Samoa, or other Pacific Islands. White: A person having origins in any of the original peoples of Europe, the Middle East, or North Africa.
Ethnicity Categories Hispanic or Latino: A person of Cuban, Mexican, Puerto Rican, South or Central American, or other Spanish culture or origin, regardless of race. The term, “Spanish origin”, can be used in addition to “Hispanic or Latino”. Not Hispanic or Latino” (http://www.iowadatacenter.org/aboutdata/raceclassification).
Your life matters! You matter if you’re gay, bisexual, lesbian, transgender, or queer. You matter if you’re physically disabled, mentally disabled, or both. You matter if you’re a baby in the womb or an elderly person.
You matter if you’re a woman or a man. You matter if you’re a Jew, Christian, Muslium, Hindu, Buddhist, Atheist, Agnostic or any other religion.
You know what is truly unfortunate? My post the other night focused more on how to stop violence and racism and bigotry, but due to a phrase that I unknowingly used, instead of people thinking of ways to stop the hate, they are arguing over the phrase! They are arguing that cops don’t deserve respect because of a few bad ones who did wrongly by murdering two black men that were not doing anything to warrant being shot!
Right now, as you argue about this, children of all races and ethnicities are being left to cry-it-out, spanked/hit, taught that they don’t matter, being murdered in the womb, being murdered by evil people, and being harshly punished.
Right now, as you argue about whose lives matter most at the moment, a child dies of cancer, hunger, illnesses that can be prevented with modern medicine, and infection. Children are being raped, forced to do hard labor, forced to get married to older people, sold into sex slavery, murdered and/or beaten for being gay, bisexual, lesbian, transgender, or queer.
Right now, as you argue that black lives matter, a child is being abused or murdered because he/she is disabled. Children are murdered because they are the wrong race, ethnicity, gender, and religion.
Right now, as you argue about what is loving, children are losing parents due to hate. Cops are parents. Blacks are parents, Hispanics are parents. Native Americans are parents. Asians are parents. Whites are parents. Homosexuals are parents. Jews are parents. Musliums are parents. People with disabilities are parents.
Go ahead. Waste time arguing. Ignore the hate you are perpetuating by insisting that one group is more important than the other because they are oppressed. Go ahead and use other hurtful words to other groups of people such as “retard,” “fucktard,” “spaz,” “handicapped,” “slow,” “cripple,” “incapacitated,” “invalid,” and “disabled people.”
I hear these regularly, and yet, I don’t scream, “People with disabilities lives matter.” We are discriminated against in small and big ways, but I don’t scream, “People with disabilities lives matter.” I have a Master’s Degree but can’t seem to get my career off the ground, and yet, I don’t scream, “People with disabilities lives matter.”
Look, Black people have been treated horribly throughout history. Racism is alive and well. But that doesn’t make you better than the Jews who were murdered in the Holocaust. Jews who are still murdered today. Or other groups who are regularly murdered for being who they are.
And, I’m sorry but a black man shooting white cops is just as racist as a white cop shooting a black man for no good reason!
We, unfortunately, have many, many oppressed groups, children included. How about we stop the arguing, hate, side taking, approval of violence against whoever we’re currently angry at, and work together to make this a better place? That begins with valuing all human life from conception on!
Get off Hatebook and start showing love to all!!! Because in the end, COMPASSION is what truly matters!
“For through the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think more highly of himself than he ought to think; but to think so as to have sound judgment, as God has allotted to each a measure of faith” (Romans 12:3, NASB).
My husband and I enjoy Reggae music. We heard this song Heaven Help Us All by Luciano and were brought to tears. It is exactly the message I am trying to get across. Take a listen.
With regards to what’s been happening in this world lately. I am broken-hearted over the two cop brutality cases. Shooting in a car with a 4-year–old in the backseat is SICK! I cried over both cases. It is clear that both were brutality cases.
That being said, I cried over the cops who were murdered and injured FOR NO REASON! Yeah, there are always bad cops but the majority of them are GOOD and risk their lives to protect us! Don’t take it out on them!
FINALLY, peace begins at HOME! Stop spanking and punishing children! There’s an epidemic of corporal punishment in the black community in combination with the fact that they don’t have dads around and usually live in poverty. See Beating Black Kids for more info. Teaching all children empathy and respect through respectful parenting would do A LOT to stop violence! Also, stopping them from playing violent video games and watching violent stuff would also help to stop violence as children get desensitized to the violence.
And social media seems to desensitized us because we’re behind screens and feel a sense of anonymity.
This ISN’T a Democratic or Republican issue. This isn’t a gun issue! This is a HUMAN issue and we need to come together to fix it. ALL LIVES MATTER!!
Samoset tattoo by Todd Bass at Triphammer Carbondale.
Disciplining With Gentle Firmness 