I got my MRI yesterday. I had to be put to sleep for it due to my cerebral palsy and spasms. Hopefully tomorrow we’ll find out that the mass they found when I was in the hospital for my bowel blockage is benign. Thank you so much for your prayers and patience with me in not staying on top of everything like I always try to do.
Remember! My book is limited quantities and only $10 with FREE shipping in the continental U.S.A. It makes a great gift!
I hope to write a post soon about the first Christmas and how there’s so much love from God, but in this world, joy and pain coexist and this is not punishment! We just live in a very broken world that Jesus came to restore.
Note: this was written on November 8, 2017 but I always want my husband to edit my posts.
“When Joseph’s brothers saw that their father was dead, they said, “What if Joseph bears a grudge against us and pays us back in full for all the wrong which we did to him!” So they sent a message to Joseph, saying, “Your father charged before he died, saying, ‘Thus you shall say to Joseph, “Please forgive, I beg you, the transgression of your brothers and their sin, for they did you wrong.”’ And now, please forgive the transgression of the servants of the God of your father.” And Joseph wept when they spoke to him. Then his brothers also came and fell down before him and said, “Behold, we are your servants.” But Joseph said to them, “Do not be afraid, for am I in God’s place? As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive. So therefore, do not be afraid; I will provide for you and your little ones.” So he comforted them and spoke kindly to them” (Genesis 50:15-21, NASB).
As many of you know, if you follow my Facebook page or Instagram account, I was hospitalized a couple of weeks ago for a bowel blockage and a mass was discovered on my CT scans.
I had to go to an oncologist even though they don’t think it’s cancer. Nobody suspects cancer. This doctor just knows how to go about this. The exam went well. The doctor was great at talking me through it. The nurses and my husband were also wonderful at talking to me and distracting me so I could relax as much as possible which isn’t easy with cerebral palsy and you’re nervous and having uncomfortable things being done to you.
I thank God for legal medical marijuana; my anxiety level would have been debilitating without it. However, I was very anxious nonetheless. My heart rate was 117 (a special “sign from Heaven from my mother-in-law) and then dropped to 115 so it helped me not get any worse.
The doctor showed us both CT scans and the mass in question.
He gently used his finger to probe the area and confirmed that the mass was still there. I felt a little pain when he pushed on it but I’m not sure if it was from the mass itself or from me spasming because of the probing. So I will have to get a MRI as an outpatient (with sedation due to my severe cerebral palsy and spasms).
Unfortunately, it’ll have to be done at the hospital so that the anesthesiologist can keep a close eye on me with my cerebral palsy and asthma, so an “open MRI” is not an option.
My husband can stay with me until I’m put to sleep for it and will be right back when I am done. I shouldn’t have to be so sedated that I will need intubation. As of now, the MRI scheduling is still being worked out, but I want to get it over with so they’re going to try to get me in sooner. I said any day but the 17th because I NEED ink therapy!
Tattoos really are one of God’s ways of bringing me peace and everyone at the shop have been very supportive.
We don’t know what the mass is but the MRI will tell us if it’s benign or malignant. The doctor said it is a soft tissue mass. After the MRI, he will determine if I need to have a biopsy. He’s trying to take it slow and not go invasive with me unless it’s necessary.
My friend with severe cerebral palsy said she has many benign masses from having multiple bouts of bowel blockage, so hopefully this will be just a benign mass, too. We’re trying to think positive and pray.
Walking through the cancer institute made me sad. All those people are fighting cancer. I’m NOT going to be one of them. Please Lord.
I wish this were over so I/we can keep working on getting back to a better place emotionally. Our anxiety has been really awful and I met with a Christian counselor. She confirmed that God isn’t doing any of this to us and that satan LOVES messing with us when we are down. She affirmed that everything we’re feeling is normal considering what all we’ve been through the past 2 years and God is right here even when we don’t feel Him. She’s walked this darkness too.
I can’t imagine what it must feel like for children who have been raised in Christian families where they are taught that God wants them hurt every time they are “bad.” Even though my relationship with God hasn’t been the best lately, I know He’s helping and comforting us.
God is using this for good! He turns everything that satan means for our harm into good. I don’t understand His ways but I know He is love and that life just happens. We must teach our children that God never hurts us!
Jesus wept. Jesus pleaded for the cup to pass from Him so He wouldn’t have to suffer and die on the cross even though He knew that that was what He was here to do and would go through with it because of His great love for us. Before He died, He cried out loudly, “My God, my God! Why have You forsaken Me?” It’s ok to feel anger, anxiety, pain, fear, loneliness, confusion, and despair. Jesus felt it.
May we teach our children that God suffers right along with us. He is a wonderful God Who comforts and loves us. He is not the Author of suffering.
Please keep praying for us.
On a happier note, my husband and I celebrated 19th anniversary of togetherness-dating and married years combined! It doesn’t seem possible! I’m grateful to God that He gave me a WONDERFUL guy who loves me NO matter what and CHOOSES to keep caring for me and loving me 24/7!
Some people had a hard time with this, so let me see if I can explain. I know not everyone will agree with me because we still live in an age where “respect your elders” is shoved down our throats from birth and if children dare assert themselves in a way that is deemed “disrespectful” to their elders, they are punished.
If you spend time reading my blog and book and other social media outlets, you know that I am a huge advocate for respecting everyone from conception to death. I don’t see age as a requirement for automatic respect. Everyone deserves basic respect, kindness, and courtesy.
The problem is that some people abuse their position as an authority figure or as an older adult to demand respect. As I pointed out in my blog post to which I linked at the beginning of this post, this often occurs in the parent-child relationship. The parent demands respect from the child, but doesn’t treat the child with the same respect.
A child who is not raised with respect will not respect the parent. He/she fears the parent and then becomes rebellious and/or resentful. How can we expect children to respect us when we treat them as second-class citizens?
Childism is alive and well in our society. Here’s the definition of childism:
“Childism is defined as ‘a prejudice against children on the ground of a belief that they are property and can (or even should) be controlled, enslaved, or removed to serve adult needs'” (Gold, 2012, https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/child-in-mind/201201/understanding-childism-are-we-prejudiced-against-children).
This comes in the form of abortion, cry-it-out, demanding things from children that they are incapable of doing, yelling at them, saying harsh things to them, shaming them, spanking/hitting, grounding them, not listening to them, not taking them seriously, and just acting as if they are far below us.
The worst thing is that children have no voice! Every other minority group has formed groups to give them a voice and change the way they are perceived and treated, albeit we have a long way to go in how minorities are perceived and treated in this world, but at least they have a voice.
Since children don’t have a voice, it’s up to people who see them as the beautiful human beings that they are to speak up for them. As someone who wasn’t always treated with respect by my elders, I am even more passionate about this. And due to my severe cerebral palsy, I still often get patronized and disrespected by adults of every age.
And, as I pointed out in my original post about this, sometimes disrespect continues in family relationships as the stronger one tries to bully, shame, and manipulate the “weaker” one. When this happens, the most respectful thing to do is to set boundaries and/or walk away. I have had to do this many times throughout my adulthood.
Unfortunately, children cannot “just walk away” or set boundaries. Children are stuck in that relationship until they are adults. This is not fair.
Children are born social beings who love unconditionally! They are just learning about everything and we are their teachers. We teach respect by being respectful to them. This does not mean we don’t set limits and boundaries or don’t discipline them. It means we discipline them without punishing them and without being harsh.
Yes, everyone deserves respect. The elderly deserve respect. But just because we are a certain age doesn’t give us the right to demand and force respect. Respect is earned by being respectful and apologizing when we mess up.
This world is becoming less and less respectful. It’s not because we’re not “disciplining aka punishing” children, it’s because we are treating them with less respect.
Respectful children have been raised with true respect, and thus, offer true respect to their elders.
About a week ago I got my beautiful child abuse awareness ribbon tattoo. It came out so much better than I imagined!
It’s serious but I wanted something to give hope and the flowers do just that! I honestly think it’s the best child abuse awareness tattoo I have ever seen. I’m very grateful to my tattoo artist for coming up with it! Please see my other tattoo posts on my getting tattoos with my severe cerebral palsy.
Child abuse is 100% preventable! Sadly, many pro-spanking advocates try to claim that spankings prevent abuse but any type of hitting is abuse because it leaves marks that are not always visible. Plus, if one believes she/he can inflict pain on another human being, he/she will.
Then there’s the emotional and verbal abuse that often goes with the physical abuse, like telling the child that “you made me do it.” Or that “you deserve it.” Basically putting the child down in any way is verbal and emotional abuse. The child never makes one do anything. This is victim blaming.
Finally, there’s sexual abuse and sometimes this occurs alone or with the physical abuse because, for some, spanking children is sexually arousing which is absolutely disgusting.
I believe that we have to educate people to get them to see that children are unique people. Understanding child development is crucial for stopping child abuse. And allowing corporal punishment with children does not decrease child abuse! And one should never say he/she is against child abuse when he/she is advocating for corporal punishment.
It shouldn’t matter how old or big someone is, he/she should be protected from having harm inflicted on him/her by another person. It should not be left up to parents concerning how much pain can be inflicted on their children because “children can be subjected to an incredible amount of pain and suffering before our perception of parental prerogative changes to one of parental abuse” (Quinn, 1988, p.19).”
While April is child abuse awareness month, every day children are being abused by the very people who are supposed to care for them. I got my child abuse awareness ribbon tattoo to remind myself why I keep fighting for children’s rights even though it doesn’t always feel like I’m making a difference. It will also make the public aware of child abuse all year long.
Reference:Quinn, P. E. (1988). Spare the Rod. Nashville, TN: Abingdon Press.
Note: Daniel is a wonderful Christian gentle parent. This post really touched me as I have severe cerebral palsy and I always really appreciate when parents let people know that having children with disabilities is tough, but also very rewarding!
Going to tackle a tough question that comes up from time to time.
Has having children with autism ruined my life? Is this the worst thing that could ever happen?
The answer is an emphatic no!
Aizen’s needs in particular have posed some tremendous challenges to us to understand and learn — and honestly there would have been a time I may have answered yes to this question. Age five, before we were getting support and help, was a particularly rough time because he was biting and aggressive and we didn’t know what to do. He also wasn’t talking which made things extra challenging.
But did it ruin my life? No — I have had to grow significantly and I had a lot to learn. I have gained skills, understanding, empathy, and knowledge I would never have gained otherwise. Aizen has shown me the world in a way I would never have observed it without him. He has changed the way I perceive behaviours in other people and taught me patience and empathy in stressful situations.
Has this ruined my life? I’d say the opposite — what I have gained would be enhancements. I am also a bereaved parent and I stress that Aizen is alive, gaining skills, observing and experiencing the world — he’s not broken, damaged, a burden or a problem. The worst thing that can happen — and I know from experience — is your child passing away and having plan their funeral.
He’s a good polite kid who has worked extremely hard for every skill he has acquired — he’s someone who should be celebrated.
This post may be all over the place but it’s based on things I have experienced this week. It was a rough week as May 2nd was the one year anniversary of my dear grandpa going Home. I have really struggled with his passing. He and I were extremely close and he was a wonderful grandfather who never intentionally hurt me.
Since my family has not had any “official” services for him yet and I won’t be able to go to them due to financial issues and a cat who has chronic diseases and is not yet ready to die, I had my own private funeral service on Tuesday May 2nd that included getting a beautiful tattoo.
I kept thinking “goodbye grandpa” during the tattoo which is on my upper right arm. The tattoo came out perfectly! Parts of it hurt like heck as the inside of one’s arm is much more sensitive, but my tattoo artist and my husband encouraged me during the tough parts and I breathed and laughed my way through it. I cried when it was done.
I’m not letting go but I finally feel so at peace that he is physically gone. I miss him and my mother-in-law so much, but I just couldn’t get comfortable with Grandpa being gone until until I got this memorial tattoo. Plus, he deserved a detailed tattoo. I LOVE my first tattoo which is for him but I was feeling guilty that everybody else has detailed tattoos and he didn’t. So now that I know I can get detailed tattoos, I’m happy I got one for him and the jacket that was his. She made it look like a watercolor.
However, I have been experiencing some things that prove how important respect is. I haven’t felt very respected and that has made me lash out. I didn’t repay evil for evil, but I could have done better.
When adults and children don’t feel respected and heard, it makes them angry. That’s why children usually act out. They need connections and respect. But it is so hard when you’re doing your best to be respectful and the other person doesn’t respect you. Children don’t mean to be disrespectful as they are still learning how to respect. But adults should know better.
I also feel like, based on my own experiences as well as observations, people of all ages tend to want to control and manipulate others that they feel are weaker. These people usually have emotional problems that make them need to feel powerful and in control by manipulating the weaker person.
We see this all the time with the parent-child dyad. The parent finally has someone they can control and manipulate after they were controlled and manipulated as children. They may be doing it unconsciously, but they do it nonetheless. Others are fully aware of what they are doing.
But another group that is often controlled and manipulated, sometimes even by family, are people with disabilities. I have severe cerebral palsy and I often feel like people don’t respect me. No matter how old I get, I often get treated as a child. Of course, anyone who knows my story knows that I was physically, verbally, and emotionally abused by my late dad. I was also emotionally abused by my school aide.
In addition to dealing the my grief of losing my mother-in-law and grandpa as well as dealing with my beloved kitty going downhill and other life stresses, I have felt very disrespected. Trying to have boundaries and protect myself while remaining Christ-like is not easy.
Of course, this makes me think of children. We need to respect their personal boundaries as we set our own boundaries with them. It is such a helpless feeling knowing that someone you love is trying to control, manipulate, and make you feel guilty for something that you didn’t do. I’m 35 and I’m really struggling with it and I don’t always handle it as well as I should. It’s no wonder that children have meltdowns and anxiety and feel so out of control when we try to control, manipulate, and shame them. I can relate so much to the feelings children have.
I am at peace with the loss of my grandpa and I am thankful for that. At the same time, it comes to light that we all need to be respected by the people we love no matter what our age is. I don’t believe that elders deserve respect just because they are older. I believe respect is earned. It must be mutual. It cannot be forced. If it is forced, it leads to strong resentment.
I guess that is my mishmash of thoughts. I hope it helps someone else dealing with similar things. I also hope it helps parents to see how important it is to respect their children. Only through respecting our children will they learn to respect others.
For Valentine’s Day I surprised my husband with a beautiful tattoo that symbolizes our love and our Christ centered marriage. I got this tattoo on my lower left arm. This was my first arm tattoo, so I was a bit nervous about how it would go with my spasms due to my severe cerebral palsy.
If you have been following me for a while, you know that this is my fourth tattoo. My mom was here again but after she helped us figure out how to strap my arm down tightly, she was able to enjoy watching her daughter get another detailed tattoo.
I feel like I need to write about my tattoo experiences because I know I went searching for other people with severe cerebral palsy who had successfully gotten tattooed when I first made up my mind that I was going to do it. I needed to know that others like me were able to do this. So I am putting my experiences out there for anyone else that is like me and wants tattoos.
Plus, there’s always an element of getting a tattoo that relates to parenting and respecting children which is something I am obviously very passionate about.
To read about my first three tattoo experiences and how they relate to parenting, click here, here, and here.
For this tattoo, I took the same medications as always for my spasms and we strapped my arm down to my arm rest of my wheelchair in two different places. Then my husband held my hand down quite tightly. My tattoo artist is a miracle worker and did an excellent job! While there was slightly more movement with my arm than my legs, within twenty minutes my body stopped reacting so much to the needles and I was fine.
Since I had to be strapped down and held down again for the tattoo, it got me thinking about respecting children’s bodies and teaching children consent from birth. We’ve all seen it and maybe even have done it. You see a cute baby and just have to touch him/her. But what if the baby really doesn’t want to be touched? This is especially true if you’re a stranger.
Let’s face it. We don’t respect children’s bodies.
Even before they are born, many people think its okay to dismember the baby’s body if the mother doesn’t want the child.
Then after birth, infants are touched, poked, tickled, squeezed, scooped up, gently pinched against their wills.
Then there’s the issue of corporal punishment. Sadly, many pro-spanking advocates tell parents to even sit on the child to spank/hit him/her. Even when children submit to spankings, they are being forced to do so out of fear, guilt, not wanting multiple spankings, and needing acceptance from their parents again. But they really don’t have a choice as they learn that their parents will make them submit.
Even older children are touched by complete, albeit well-meaning, strangers against their wishes.
Here’s a recent story from my dear friend, Meagan Longest, about an experience with her daughter at a store:
“An old man patted Wynnie at the grocery store today. She was holding onto the side of the cart. She looks up at him, almost cries and then runs to me at the back of the cart.
Wynnie: He touch me mom. Whyyyyy?
Me: I know, honey. That’s not okay.
Wynnie: That’s MY body, mommy.
Me: You’re right. It’s your body and no one should touch it without YOUR permission (While giving an evil eye to the old man and his daughter who was starting to get pissed).
I almost lost it.
Moral of the story- start teaching consent at birth. And don’t effing touch a child without their permission.”
Sure, that old man probably didn’t mean any harm, but in today’s world, we just never know. And how would you feel if a stranger patted you out of nowhere?
I guess I understand this more than some people do because well-meaning people get in my personal space and touch me without my consent. Due to my very slurred speech, I can’t just say, “Please don’t hug me.” “Please move out of my face a bit.” It’s very uncomfortable and I just sit there and deal with it so I don’t hurt people’s feelings.
The reality is that we all have the right not to have our personal spaces invaded by anyone without giving our consent. We need to respect each other’s bodies!
You may be asking, “What about needing to restrain children for care and/or medical procedures?” When a child is given shots, I strongly believe that they should be held in their parents’ laps. There’s never a reason to hold a child down on a table for shots. If your pediatrician doesn’t encourage you to hold your children on your lap for shots and even other simple procedures, then please find another doctor.
As far as giving care, if you must hold them against their wills, always talk to them about what you’re doing and why. Validate their feelings. Say, for example, “Oh I know you don’t like me holding you right now but we have to get your diaper changed. Can you help me by lifting your bottom?”
It helps to try and make sure the child is ready for the transition into care. It also helps to be playful about it when you know your child may resist. The key is teaching children that you respect them and always try to wait for their consent before moving forward. Even for newborns, this can be done by telling them before you pick them up and waiting for some clue that they are ready to be picked up. Moving slowly with infants also helps to teach them consent and that we respect them. Please see this post for more information about respecting infants.
As children grow, it’s so important to teach children that no one should ever touch them without their ok. Even people they know should always ask before touching them. It’s just basic respect. We invite people in and out by our body language most of the time, but children are not skilled at this and many adults ignore them anyway, so allowing children to say, “No!” is very, very important!
Also, teaching children to respect others is equally important. Teaching them to not touch someone that doesn’t want to be touched helps them to respect others.
The majority of sexual abuse and assault cases happen with people that children know! This is extremely scary! If children are taught to obey their elders no matter what, it’s really setting them up for potential sexual abuse and assault. We can’t allow this!
If people don’t understand why you are allowing your children to give or not give consent, just explain that you want them to have control over their own bodies. Tell them that you don’t just let people touch you, so why should children have to allow people to touch them when they don’t want anyone to touch them?
Children are human beings and deserve respect. I consented to being strapped down for tattoos, children should have the power to consent to being touched. It’s about respecting each other’s bodies and personal space no matter what the age is.
On January 27th I got my third tattoo which is of my beloved first kitty, Sara. It was the ten year anniversary of her going Home. I got Sara when I was about nine years old and lost her when I was 25 years old. This was the original tattoo that I had been wanting since soon after she went Home.
I made it through the tattoo with flying colors and took the same medications as I did with my last two tattoos in order to slow down my muscle spasms. See here and here about my first tattoo experiences. Again, my mom was so excited and proud of me. It’s funny how even though I am 35 years old, I still need my mom’s approval and acceptance! It truly means a lot to me!
I have been thinking a great deal about love and acceptance with everything going on in both my world and the world in general. My husband and I no longer attend church because we’ve never found one that the people totally accepted us. Some people have and we are still friends with them, but many people assume that I am mentally disabled and talk to me like I am a child, well actually, worse. They are often patronizing to me. It drives me crazy! Of course, as I said, there are some who can see past my disability, but many can’t even after telling them that I have a Master’s Degree.
So when my friend, Jackie Heim, posted the following on her Facebook page, I felt sad but could really relate.
“I read that between 80-90% of parents with special needs kids do not attend church. There is no source for my information, so I can’t verify this. But, I believe the number is high (for sure higher than it should be). I’ll take my son anywhere – the library, the mall, the beach, swimming, a museum, a park, the grocery store, Disney World – anywhere but church. I can handle the comments and looks from strangers. Not being able to talk and not understanding everything said to you is a frustrating disability. From Christians, the one group of people who I want support from as as special needs parent, I get judgmental comments. Burdens of expectation concerning my son’s behavior are thrown on my shoulders. And, always by people who are doing nothing to help me with this burden. I have experienced this ever since dealing with my first language delayed child over a decade ago. It hasn’t gone away. And, the third time around I am dealing with an even more severe delay. So, I just don’t go. It’s easier that way.”
The very people, the Church, who are supposed to love and accept you for who you are, don’t! They want children to be these perfectly obedient robots and if they’re not then you need to spank/hit them. They never stop to think that the children may have special needs or they never try to understand about child development. To be so judgmental to parents and children is so wrong and un-Christlike.
I see the world becoming worse and worse which the Bible tells us to expect. But what I have been struggling with for years is that I didn’t realize that it would be the Christians that are often leading the way to destruction. We’re supposed to be leading people to the Light. I just don’t see that happening.
I believe that this is due to church doctrine. Church doctrine often appears to be aligned with the Bible, but when you look deeper, you see how much it strays from the Bible. Jesus was constantly with sinners and making them feel loved and welcome. In fact, people would run to Jesus when He was in their town!
“When they had crossed over they came to land at Gennesaret, and moored to the shore. When they got out of the boat, immediately the people recognized Him, and ran about that whole country and began to carry here and there on their pallets those who were sick, to the place they heard He was. Wherever He entered villages, or cities, or countryside, they were laying the sick in the market places, and imploring Him that they might just touch the fringe of His cloak; and as many as touched it were being cured” (Mark 6:53-56, NASB).
It was always the self-righteous Pharisees and the teachers of the Law that scoffed, badgered, and ultimately crucified Jesus. Regular people just wanted to know more about Him and to understand Him.
Not long ago I posted on my Facebook personal page that I have recently found myself relating more to the tattoo culture than to the Christian culture. As strange as that may sound, it’s because the tattoo culture is so real, loving, and accepting! They are so Christlike and they don’t even know it. That is so scary and sad that a tattoo shop does what the Church ought to be doing.
We are born with a deep need for love and acceptance. Children absolutely crave it from their parents and never outgrow it. Jesus put us here to love and accept people in order to lead them to Him. There are a lot of people out there right now, young and old, of different races and ethnicities, and of different religions, and of all sexual orientations that are craving for love and acceptance! May we do our best to stop judging and begin loving and accepting the way Jesus does!
A week ago I got another tattoo for my mother-in-law. Again, due to how I have been treated throughout my life because people always underestimate me and have even put me down, I felt the need to prove that I could handle a much more detailed tattoo. See here to read about my first tattoo.
Thankfully, some of my family, including my mom and my husband, have always been supportive of me. My mom wanted to be here to help with my second tattoo, but she lives in Kansas. I missed having her there as she is a tattoo person too.
I am beyond happy! I did even better than last time. My tattoo artist began easy by retouching my Mickey. Then she gave me 3 fonts to choose from for the “big hug” that I added to my grandpa tattoo, and I immediately picked the middle font. We decided to put it at the top of the grandpa tattoo! That went so well! We were a bit worried about doing font with me due to my startle reflex that I have no control over. The significance of adding “big hug” is that from the time of AOL instant messenger, my grandpa and I chatted every week if at all possible since it’s very hard to understand me over the phone as my speech is very slurred because of my severe cerebral palsy. So at the end of EVERY chat, we’d say, “Big hug! I got mine! Here’s one back.” It satisfied us until we got to see each other again and get the real hug! Oh my, I’m crying again. Now “big hug” is forever on me and I will NEVER forget that very special thing between us until I see him again and finally get many big hugs for eternity! I love you, Grandpa! So now my grandpa tattoo is complete!
Then it was onto my tattoo for my beloved mother-in-law. The cardinal is my sign from her in Heaven. She was like my second mom and accepted me into her family! We were very, very close. Her birthday is on Halloween so my husband came up with the jack-o-lantern idea. Then my artist added the harvest moon and hazy clouds. I was nervous about the details, but it went better than I could have ever imagined!!
Eventually my startle reflex quit. I took the same medications as last time to slow down my spasms. My husband strapped me all up in my wheelchair, including my arms since we didn’t have my mom there to help as we did last time. My husband sat on the floor and held my leg. I can’t believe how well it all went.
To me, the shading hurts less than the outline. And my artist and my husband talked the whole time and I talked some, but I didn’t want to move too much. She said that I really did a great job! I only took one break to get a drink of orange juice. Everyone loved it at the shop! I am so proud of myself for doing so well with the pain, but I ended up getting used to it. And the conversation was so cool and interesting that it kept me distracted.
I’m always second guessing myself in everything that I do. The voices that told me throughout my life that I would never amount to much are always somewhere in my head despite my, thankfully, strong will. This is why I hate that many Christians believe that they must break their children’s wills. They are really doing a great deal of harm to their children because it often takes a strong will to do what is right in God’s eyes and not what others think is “good.”
I again hugged me tattoo artist afterwards! My tattoos are the most beautiful things ever! It was sore like a sunburn but it was worth everything! It all took 2 hours! I was tired but so excited! Another huge accomplishment for me! Thank You, Jesus! It felt so good walking out into the cool air when we left the tattoo shop because I was hot from all that!
I sat here at home for a while with my sweatpants down and just looked at it!! I cried! There is so much symbolism behind these tattoos. Symbols of love and acceptance by family members. Symbols of remembrance and the hope of being reunited with them some day thanks to Jesus’s amazing gift of grace and forgiveness! Symbols of being able to overcome, with God’s help, the negative messages that were put into my head from the time that I was a small child.
My next tattoo is January 27th to get my first kitty, Sara. I’m doing it on the 10 year anniversary of her going Home! I’ve wanted tattoos for so long and never thought it would work with me but I proved that wrong!! I feel like I can now get through this horrible grief because I got through the tattoos with flying colors!! Thank You, Jesus!
Children need to be taught how to believe in themselves and to trust God. Only through gentle discipline is achieved. I will probably always struggle with believing in myself and totally trusting God no matter how much I continue to overcome. I wish all children could have what I didn’t growing up.