Guest Post: 6 Ways You Can Help Your Kids Learn To Practice Self-Care By Anya Willis

August 1, 2022August 1, 2022 Stephanie G. Cox, M.S.Ed

I rarely do guest posts but this one by Anya Willis from https://fitkids.info is important as the world situation is continuing to be so stressful. Children must have self-care coping skills. Enjoy this new blog post!

Self-care is an important part of your overall well-being. Learning to prioritize your mental health can start at an early age. Consider these six ways you can teach your children to practice self-care.

1. Give Them a Peaceful Space at Home

A stress-free home environment helps children feel safe and comfortable. You can create peace in the home in multiple ways. For example, disciplining with a gentle approach allows your children to learn respect without fear. How you plan your home aesthetic can also affect stress levels. For example, decluttering and having plenty of natural light help relieve anxiety. Bring in houseplants to purify the air and use oil diffusers to create a relaxing aroma. A zen home helps kids focus and relax.

2. Prioritize Quality Time

Prioritizing quality time lets your kids know how important they are to you. That translates into feeling important themselves. Quality time doesn’t have to include an elaborate plan. It can be as simple as making a nighttime routine or letting them help you with the chores around the house. Having a normal routine quality time takes the pressure off you to overcompensate. Research shows that kids who spend quality time with their parents have fewer behavioral issues and better mental and physical health overall.

3. Keep an Open Dialogue About Mental Health

Make discussing mental health a priority in your household. If you notice your kids feeling stressed or anxious, talk to them about getting help. You can access therapy virtually to provide a secure, private experience for your children, and it requires less commitment than going in person. Also, you have more professionals to choose from online, and it’s often more affordable. You can typically even schedule a free consultation with multiple therapists to ensure you are a good fit with the one you choose.

4. Teach Them To Enjoy Alone Time

Learning to spend time alone is an important part of building confidence. Allow your children some privacy in the home. Knock on their bedroom door before you come in and respect their response. If they feel in control of their alone time, they’ll learn to enjoy it more.

5. Nurture Their Interests

When your child expresses a new interest, encourage them to explore it further. For example, if they love painting or drawing, take them shopping for supplies and display their artwork around the house. Hobbies are a great way to practice self-care, and it’s a very personal experience. You may not always love the things they do. For example, collecting bugs may give you the creeps, but if your child loves it, let them know you’re happy for them.

6. Remind Them To Be Grateful

Show your kids how to be grateful by example. If you practice thankfulness in your daily life, your children will pick up on that as well. The best time to be grateful is when things don’t go to plan. It’s easy to shift to the negative when things don’t go your way, but if you show your children a positive attitude, you can affect how they approach life.

When you keep the lines of communication open with your children, you give them a way to express themselves and talk about how they feel. When you validate their feelings, they learn confidence at an early age. The more confidence they have, the more likely they are to prioritize self-care.

Pain And Heartbreak: Finding Oneself

July 2, 2018 Stephanie G. Cox, M.S.Ed

Processed with MOLDIV

This is a rough week for my husband and I as we commemorate the birthday of our sweet kitty on the 4th of July. He would have been 12. Then the 5th marks the first year since he went Home to Heaven. We love our animals like family, so this is hitting us harder than we expected.

The Bible says to endure hardship as discipline.

“You have not yet resisted to the point of shedding blood in your striving against sin; and you have forgotten the exhortation which is addressed to you as sons,

“My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord,
Nor faint when you are reproved by Him;
For those whom the Lord loves He disciplines,
And He scourges every son whom He receives.”

It is for discipline that you endure; God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom his father does not discipline? But if you are without discipline, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Furthermore, we had earthly fathers to discipline us, and we respected them; shall we not much rather be subject to the Father of spirits, and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them, but He disciplines us for our good, so that we may share His holiness. All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness” (Hebrews 12:4-11, NASB)

Unfortunately, many Christians take these verses to mean corporal punishment. But if you read the Proverbs section of this blog, it has nothing to do with spanking/hitting children or hitting anyone. It just means that growth and discipline is not always pleasant and easy.

And being a Christ-follower, I take to heart what Jesus said,

“Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful.”
(‭‭John‬ ‭14:27‬, NASB‬‬).

After much research, and guidance from the Holy Spirit, I truly believe He that one of the many ways He does this is through His gift of cannabis, and the appropriate use of alcohol (see 1 Timothy 5:23, Ecclesiastes 9:7, and Psalm 104:14-15 also references cannabis). Of course, the Bible makes it clear not to get really drunk, but to relax and relieve some medical issues, alcohol use is perfectly fine and encouraged throughout the Bible. In fact, one of Jesus’ first miracles was turning water into wine at a wedding in John 2:1-11. Please see this post for a link to the use of cannabis during Biblical times.

Yes, we go through hardships throughout our lives and these hardships should make us grow—and grow closer to Him. I truly believe we should use discipline to help everyone grow, opposed to using punishment which keeps us stuck in the place we are in, no matter how old we are.

For example, children may appear to be growing despite being punished, but it’s really them learning to hide things from their parents in order to avoid getting punishment. For adults, such a punitive attitude and belief system can trap them in harmful legalism and toxic relationships. They can’t see Who Jesus really is—love.

My husband and I watched the movie Reincarnated about Snoop Dogg changing his life to one of peace and love. He went to Jamaica and he became a Rastafarian. While we don’t agree with some of the Rastafarian doctrine, we love the way they love all and respect all people no matter what they believe.

They use cannabis as both medicine and to grow closer to God. I have absolutely fallen in love with this song:

Yes, heartbreak will hopefully and eventually lead to growth. It is not God punishing us. It’s life. We, as Christ-followers, must learn and understand this. We must teach this to our children so they can truly grow in Christ.

One last thing about cannabis: I have severe cerebral palsy and use it medically for spasms, pain, anxiety, and PTSD. As the result of being blessed by this sacred plant, I truly believe I am growing in Christ. I’ve become more open to more encompassing love and grace. I am still very imperfect and make mistakes, but I am slowly getting better at loving others.

For years, I bought into the doctrine that marijuana is “evil.” It’s anything but. In fact, it allowed me sit here with fireworks going off next door, and I was not jumping as much and not being anxious about the next boom. I am looking forward to going to the fireworks on the 4th. I will be using cannabis, thereby remaining more clearly aware of and the Holy Spirit’s guidance and comfort to continue to deal with my heartbreak. I am hopeful that cannabis will continue to ease my spasms and other ailments. Yay for Cannabis!

As the line in the song says, “so raise a glass to the memories, set em free, and fill up all those ashtrays.”

In memory of Sara (January 27, 2007), Grandpa (May 2, 2016), my father-in-law (June 29, 2007), YP (July 5, 2017), Penelope (July 6, 2012), my mother-in-law (August 8, 2015), Sadie (October 6, 2011), and the rest of my loved ones in Heaven.

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Encouraging Self-Expression

April 8, 2017 Stephanie G. Cox, M.S.Ed

Lately I’ve been thinking a great deal about self-expression because if it veers off from the norm, then children are punished for it and adults are harshly judged.

I love my tattoos and my rainbow hair. Children also have their own ways of expressing themselves. Of course, if it is harmful to anyone, then appropriate alternatives should be given to the children. We have to teach them right from wrong.

But when a child has a different way of expressing him/herself, it should be encouraged. Instead of punishing reactive children, validate them and give them appropriate outlets for self-expression.

If you have a clown at home, encourage ways of being a clown. Expect the child to do stuff at school that may not always be at the appropriate time because children just don’t always have the ability to control their impulses. Good teachers will gently but firmly steer the child in the right direction without having to punish.

If you have a shy child, encourage the little attempts of putting him/herself out there.

My friend’s almost 9-year-old daughter recently wanted rainbow hair. At first she wanted it all over, but my friend had to bleach her brown hair and she said she’d do the bottom layer to show the child how it would affect her hair. Once her daughter understood that it will take 3 years for her hair to grow out as brown again, she agreed to just color the bottom layer. My friend helped her daughter see the consequences of permanently changing her body instead of just saying, “No, you can’t have your whole head colored.” The meme below shows how her daughter’s hair turned out. Beautiful!

It just feels like the world is so controlling, harsh, and judgmental. We punish children for the silliest things. We punish them for being children and acting their age.

I’m not saying that we should let children do whatever they want. But we should give them plenty of room to be who they are instead of punishing them for not being who we want them to be.

I don’t know if it’s just me but I have never felt the need to put down somebody’s style just because it’s not what I would do. When I started getting tattoos, I was suprised at how a few people had to tell me that they were not into them. Ok, but I am. It is a very personal style. We shouldn’t judge each other over style.

Processed with MOLDIV — My rainbow hair and most recent tattoos.

Finally, if your boy likes dolls, encourage that in him. God may be preparing him to be a teacher or a pediatrician. If your girl enjoys playing with trucks and dinosaurs, encourage her. God may be preparing her to be an archeologist or a missionary that drives trucks full of supplies for poor and needy people.

Let’s respect individuality and personal style as long as it’s not hurting anyone else and respect our children for the people that they are!

Processed with MOLDIV