I have my Master's Degree in Early Childhood Ed. My book, Gentle Firmness, is available through me as I am currently re-editing it. I am also working on my children's book. My specialty is infants and toddlers. I have worked with many infants, toddlers, and preschoolers. I teach parents, college students, and professionals about the Resources for Infant Educarers (RIE) Approach. The RIE Approach is a very respectful, sensitive, responsive way of caring for infants and toddlers. I also love Dr. Sears' Attachment Parenting. I teach parents about how harmful spanking is, even when done "lovingly", and that God does not want us to spank (hit) children. I'm very passionate about God's Word and respect for children. I've been a Christ-follower since 1996. I'm married to a wonderful man who supports me in this 100%. Thank you for reading my work! God bless!
I’m not pregnant and not adopting yet, but I have been thinking a lot about unconditional love and thought I would write this since it is almost Valentine’s Day and every child deserves true unconditional love.
Dear my precious child,
I wanted you since I was a child myself and you are a dream come true. I promise to try to never make you feel unwanted. If I do, please tell me and I will make it right!
I will always love you unconditionally! Nothing will ever change that! If you ever question my love for you, I will do everything I can to help you feel my love for you!
I know I am going to make a million mistakes while we work together to get through this life but I promise to always apologize to you and truly mean it!
I will teach you how to handle your big feelings and I will always do my best to validate your feelings. I will have my own feelings and may mess up by not remaining calm, but I will always apologize for yelling or saying anything that hurt you. I hope you will always feel safe enough to see share all your feelings with me.
Yes, you will have appropriate limits and boundaries that you won’t always like. I will do my best to be appropriately flexible with you. Sometimes I will have to hold firm in the limit but I will always listen to you. If you want to do something differently, I will be open to that.
Our relationship will be built on mutual respect and trust. I will always apologize if I disrespect you or break your trust in me. Of course, the same will go for you too.
I will allow you to have self-expression as long as it’s not hurting anyone. I may not be into something you are, but I will never put you down for being yourself. Be yourself!
I will never ever punish you by hitting/spanking you, time-out, taking away your stuff arbitrarily, or shaming you. I will apologize if I do. There will be natural consequences for you and I will help you understand them.
You’re always welcome! I will want to see you! You always come first!
I will never manipulate you for any reason.
My precious child, this is a cruel world sometimes. You’re heart will be broken and my heart will break every time yours does. I am here for you. You will know how loved you are by me, your dad, your Heavenly Father, and others. It’s ok to protect yourself from toxic people and relationships. But please don’t lose your loving, vulnerable heart. It’s worth it to love. I will help you through this.
I won’t be a perfect mom. Just know that you are my world and I will do everything I can to love you as you deserve. You’re a beautiful person. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise!
My sister-in- law sent me this meme, and I am forever grateful because I am going through a lot right now. I’m far from perfect, but I truly believe that this applies to ALL ages and ALL relationships.
I tell my story and advocate for those who don’t have a voice because I want my pain to do good. If my pain helps others, then it’s all worth it!
I can’t believe it’s Christmas time again. Well, it was when I began writing this post.
If you’re anything like me, you enjoy helping others in need all year-round, but especially this time of the year. There are so many people in need and we are called to help them.
Unfortunately, this time of year also brings out the greediness in many. You usually see this on Black Friday (which starts on Thanksgiving night now) and just before Christmas when people fight over the products that they must have.
Our children are aware of all of this. They are also aware of when we are unkind to each other and them. Conversely, they’re also aware of our kindness and compassion for each other.
Punishment is also a form of bullying because it teaches children how to force people to do what they want. It is a temporary, ineffective solution to any behavioral issues, but especially for bullying. Most bullying is the result of bullies feeling powerless because there’s either too much control in the home, i.e. authoritarian parenting (very controlling and punitive), or not enough care and acknowledgment, i.e.neglectful and permissive parenting. Some children (and adults) are so desperate for control and power that they will target seemingly weaker people. They push and push until they get the reaction they want and then they feel powerful being over the other person.
While I completely understand the seriousness of bullying as I have been bullied and made fun of my whole life, and I just dealt with a cyber bully, I feel like the dad just reinforced the bully mentality by making his daughter walk to school and video it.
What did it teach her about kindness and respect? NOTHING! And his demeanor was very punitive and bullyish. Forcing her to walk in the cold while he followed her in his truck and videoed the whole thing is punishment, not a consequence of her actions. And SHE was also bullied herself. Think maybe she was trying to exercise power over others like they had done to her? There is no excuse for bullying, but you have to understand all the reasons why a child is behaving in a certain manner so that you can work with him/her and teach him/her.
Children learn what they live. As I said, I just recently had a cyber bullying incident that I had to report to Facebook. Both children and adults get behind their screens and say things that they usually wouldn’t ever say to the other person’s face. I have not been a bully but I have been harsh online and have had to apologize for my behavior. Saying anything cruel and calling names is bullying and verbal and emotional abuse!
It’s very important to realize that people of any age that act poorly usually feel poorly. If one feels good about oneself, usually they don’t have the need to exercise control or get a reaction from another person. There’s no need to purposefully hurt another person when you have healthy self-compassion. Bullies are trying to get/do one of two things:
Exercise control over a weaker person to feel powerful and inflict pain so that someone else can feel the pain that they are feeling.
To get a negative reaction from the victim as well as attention from others.
I would be very upset if I had a child and my child ever bullied another child. Social media and other media outlets are showing bullying to children. So the first two things I would ask if my child was being a bully is “What have I been doing to contribute to this?” And, “Why is my child feeling like he/she has to bully?” There is a reason for all unwanted behaviors. I would work on the connection between my child and me.
I would limit screen time for my child and insist on knowing every account they have. Many children and adults have secret accounts for bullying and other inappropriate things that they don’t want anyone else to know about. It is crucial to be an active participant in our children’s online activities. We need to stop cyber bullying and teach children that cyber bullying is also never okay. If they see online bullying, they should put an eyeball 👁 emoji in the comments. And cyber bullying must always be reported!
I would have many long discussions with my child about why it’s NEVER ok to bully. I would read books with him/her about people who were bullied. I would role play to teach kindness. I would have him/her do community service with me.
Teaching children unconditional kindness is so important. Unconditional kindness is when we do something kind to someone without expecting any type of reward or credit for it . This is true kindness.
Another critical thing I would do is teach my children about all different people and not do anything to criticize differences. When disability, culture, religion, age, race, and sexuality differences are understood, there’s less bullying because children learn that we’re all humans and we deserve equality and respect no matter what! This is why I wrote my children’s book about my cerebral palsy which is currently being illustrated. When we understand someone very different than us, it leads to kindness and compassion (unless the person is mentally ill and unable to be kind).
Finally, I would take the child to and from school and check in with her/his teacher until I could trust him/her again. Gentle parenting is more work than just punishment. Most parents don’t do anything because they don’t know how.
Understanding what drives bullies is crucial to both stopping and preventing it. Teaching children empathy and compassion is so important. And Christmas time is a great time to really teach this so it will continue year-long. When children see and are involved with more giving than receiving, they’re taught about empathy for people who aren’t as well off as they might be. It also teaches gratefulness and that they are not entitled to get anything.
Christmas and New Years’ is a time to get involved with different charities. It’s also a time to reflect on our relationships with our children and other people. Children need our love and a deep connection with us. They need to see healthy relationships with people. This is vital for teaching empathy, compassion, and love towards others. They also need us to teach them healthy coping skills for their negative emotions.
I believe most bullies can be reformed if they are worked with for a while. It may not happen overnight but we have the power to show them what empathy and compassion looks like. We can soften a harden heart by helping them deal with their own pain that is causing them to bully. We can teach them gently that greed and entitlement are bad.
Children who witness bullying should always report it to a trusted adult. If they are being bullied, they should do their best not to react and walk away to report it. I believe teaching children self-defense is also important. Taekwondo and karate are wonderful ways of accomplishing this!
This Bible verse came up in my devotional recently during my cyber bullying incident. It comforted me and applies to everyone even if one isn’t a believer.
“But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High; for He Himself is kind to ungrateful and evil men” (Luke 6:35, NASB).
As we enter the new year, may we use gentle parenting to prevent bullying and raise kind, compassionate children! I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and will have a happy, healthy, blessed New Year!
For my birthday, I got a beautiful hand tattoo which, is in and of itself, a major accomplishment for someone who has severe cerebral palsy, with the phrase, “No mud, no lotus.” I really wanted it on my hand in order to always be able to see it and take comfort in it.
This tattoo is especially meaningful to me after everything I’ve been through. There has been so much darkness and pain, and yet, I am growing and fighting my way to the light out of the mud. This phrase was part of a recent meditation session and it really hit me hard because that’s how I feel. I am growing and changing; doing my best to become a better person while acknowledging that I am far from perfect. I’m learning to love myself and get away from toxic relationships even when it hurts.
I’m trying to be like Christ without all the religious stuff. Without the mud (darkness and pain), there’s no beautiful lotus. I’m trying to get to the blooming flower and I AM getting there. There’s always going to be be pain and darkness throughout life, but it can always eventually turn into something beautiful!
For the Christ-followers, bad things happen in the world because sin and satan are in it. We are not born evil. God is the Author of only good things. Children really need to be taught this so they don’t think they are inherently bad or that God causes “bad things to happen.”
My beautiful hand tattoo by Candace Lyon.
Since today is mental health awareness day, this morning’s meditation session was wonderful! I still struggle with anxiety and PTSD. This week has been especially rough for my bathroom anxiety.
It’s sad that physical pain is widely acknowledged and supported, but when it comes to mental health issues, there’s still a stigma which can, and often does, make people feel isolated and alone. Nobody expects you to “get over” physical illness or pain, but they certainly expect you to hurry up and “get over” emotional pain.
I truly believe emotional health begins at birth or even before. Children are able to pick up on our vibes. Therefore, they definitely require responsive, respectful care to be able to have a better chance at emotional health. After all, emotional health is just as crucial for a healthy society as physical health is.
Actually I emailed this to close family and friends over a month ago. He is now 6 months old and things are continuing to progress slowly but surely.
On July 11th we adopted the sweetest, craziest kitten ever. Ever since our sweet boy, YP, went Home, on top of other 2 major back to back losses, we’ve been in a dark place and trying to get out of it. I know very few people understand the depth and love we have for our kitties, but, for us, they are our kids.
After an almost adoption went terribly wrong last October, we had agreed that Patches, our 12-year-old female calico, would be our only kitty until the horrible day she crosses the rainbow bridge into Heaven. I grieved that loss of hope but accepted it until late this spring. Even Chip started talking about getting another kitty but was in absolutely no rush! And I mean no rush.
I respect my husband so I did my best to let it go. I stopped looking at shelters and told people not to send us kitties who needed homes…Until sometime in May when I started occasionally looking at shelters but Chip wouldn’t really look at anything, yet, he kept talking about getting a new kitty and what age Patches would be more likely to accept. We were quite concerned about Patches adjusting to a new kitty despite getting along great with YP except for after the vet she’d get mildly aggressive with him for a day or so until the vet smell subsided.
Well, as YP’s first anniversary of going Home approached (July 5, 2018), the desire for a new life started to grow to the point of desperation and I was confused, angry, and really hurting. Losing YP just absolutely devastated us like losing Sara, my first kitty did! But YP was special in the way he loved us. He was/is one of our soulmates. I thought I would eventually lose the desperate desire for a new kitty after we got through his first anniversary but it didn’t subside. It only got worse and Chip started talking about getting one in the fall. That confused me and even angered me. Grief is so hard and weird. So I started researching the different local animal shelters just for the heck of it.
I would look at kitties and think, “sorry, not for us.” THEN on June 28th I was looking at all the pictures of adoptable kittens and found this picture of Samoset and immediately started laughing at his nose and felt a HUGE connection. I tried to show Chip, but he barely looked at it and I emailed it to him asking him to pray about if God and YP might be sending him to us. Yes, I truly believe that there’s so much more going on in the spiritual world than we can even imagine, and I believe Sara and God sent us Patches because I didn’t want another girl kitty back then because I didn’t want to replace Sara in anyway but they didn’t give me a choice.
I tried to put him out of my head so hard but ended up asking the shelter if he was still available and he was. “Great! That was so stupid of me,” I thought with a few expletives. I prayed he would get a good home. I meditated to try to let go. But I couldn’t! I was in love with him.
Finally the Monday after YP’s first anniversary of going Home, I blurted out that I was in love! Chip said he’d think about it and finally actually really looked at the picture and he said maybe Thursday we can go see him and talk to them about helping Patches adjust. I cried but then I was worried about him being adopted before then, so later, I explained that this is a very bittersweet, emotional thing and we should not try to combine it with other errands. I got him to agree to go that Wednesday.
That day you would have thought I was having some major surgery or something. With my brain/emotional make up, I knew I could easily get my heart broken again and I was extremely anxious about Patches adjusting to him if he did choose us. I don’t believe in forcing cats to come home with you if there’s no connection. There was a very real possibility of him either not liking us (some kitties are afraid of me due to my wheelchair and involuntary movements because of my severe cerebral palsy.), already being adopted, or the staff not recommending this with Patches being an older cat (12).
So I had Chip talk about weird things to distract me from my anxiety. But then signs from loved ones in Heaven started occurring. Again, there’s so much more to the spiritual world than we can ever understand on Earth. First, we had music on and Chip’s mom’s favorite song, “What A Wonderful World” by Louis Armstrong played which I thought was weird and I acknowledged Mom2 in tears.
Then heading to the van to leave, I looked up and there was a heart shaped cloud in the sky. I asked Chip, “Is that a heart?” He agreed. A sign from God. Obviously, signs were happening but I didn’t know what they meant. I didn’t know if they were good or trying to comfort me. I now know it was both. Then we go by a bright red corvette. Grandpa!
We arrived at the shelter and I was having a little PTSD because it was the same shelter we adopted Patches and YP from, and flashbacks of YP confidently locking eyes with us and walking across the counter into our hearts and arms flooded my mind, so I kept focusing on my breathing to keep calm and telling myself that I was gonna have to accept whatever was going to happen. But my husband, who had to be dragged to the shelter, started acting goofy and excited. I was like what the heck is up with you.
Deep breath and in we go. They greeted us and said that we could go in the cat room and meet him but that they had been sick so the kitties were confined in their cages. I started to freak out a bit because I needed to get him out of the cage to make sure he wasn’t afraid of me and they said he could get out but not on the floor. Yay!
The second I found him and we made eye contact, for a split second, it was like I was looking at YP again. Samoset gave me that look of pure love and immediately started to come to the door to get to me/us. I cried. Unconditional love is major for me due to being abused throughout my childhood and rejected and hurt by people throughout my life.
He got on my table, did a nose kiss to my nose, and bit on my glasses. I cried again. He snuggled with Daddy too. Of course, he jumped on the floor before we could catch him but Chip apologized. He’s a fast little booger. We have so many nicknames for him already. So we told the staff about Patches and her mild aggression with YP after vet visits and that she is 12. They said it would take her longer to adjust to him but if we move slowly, she will eventually get there. One staff member told us about her experience with adopting one of the kitties and there was howling and fighting for over a month and she was afraid she was going to be one of the people who relinquished the animal after adoption, but she covered the crate and eventually it stopped and they are fine.
They still had our adoption applications from Patches and YP which is over 11 years old. They were so sorry about YP going Home. We filled out a new application for Samoset, known at the shelter as “Katio,” and they called Lakeside, our animal hospital where the vet is, for a reference and he was ours. Yes, I cried.
They wanted us to take him home that day which we thought he would have to go to the vet first like YP and Patches but that’s not the policy anymore since he was already neutered. We just had to get him to the vet within 7 days so if he had any life altering diseases, the shelter would cover the vet care for that.
Unfortunately, we didn’t have a carrier nor any kitten supplies so we said that we could get him the next day. They were fine with that. We told him we would be back tomorrow but he looked sad watching us leave the kitty room. Patches looked like that as did YP leaving them. Animals have feelings and know more than we think they do. Just like children. We underestimate the innocent so much.
I had to shut my emotions off and just focus on him both that day and the next day because the room was full of kitties and even some in the lobby. Please adopt from shelters and spray/neuter your animals to help stop the overpopulation problem. Thankfully, there are more and more no kill shelters but healthy animals are killed just because there’s no room for them. I’m grateful all the shelters here are great about not killing animals and finding foster homes for them and making sure they are adopted.
I wish I could have adopted all of the kitties in there so I just acknowledged them and focused on my new baby!
On the way out to the van after adopting him but not bringing him home, a yellow butterfly fluttered at Chip’s hand. He almost waved it off until he saw it was a butterfly, YP’s sign from Heaven. More tears and a whirling mind with emotions and thinking what we needed to go get at Petco. On the way to Petco, the funeral home had a sign about the shelter needing food. Ok, we get it God.
It’s been wonderful having him here. We did the separation of kitties for quite a while then with a gate and now he’s out of the bathroom a lot of the time but he still goes in there to sleep at night and then when we cannot watch them. They’re slowly adjusting but we just had a little incident because he wanted to go to the top perch and Patches was in the second level and didn’t like his tail flicking in her face so he is getting fed in the bathroom and time to let them chill. They’ve had other incidents but he is out here almost all the time and they eat together. Gentle parenting works for kitties too.
Overall, he loves to snuggle, sleep in my arms, and play. He’s hilarious. Patches is coming around but I will be happy when alpha kitty is established. Plus, the age difference is harder for her to adjust but we’re respecting them so we’ll get there. He’s getting better at sleeping out here but still sleeps soundly in the bathroom so when he is pushing it, we know he is getting overtired.
He plays and runs and attacks us. He’s learning not to bite hard and limits. He’s smart but still a baby. Yes, gentle parenting works for kitties as we don’t believe in spanking/hitting animals either or even punishment. We just remove them while saying “No” firmly and redirecting him. Sometimes I bop them due to my spasms and even Chip has accidentally stepped on them and then we immediately comfort them and apologize. They just know more than we give them credit for.
Thankfully, he is afraid of outside and is being good about getting away from the door. He loves to run into other rooms like Patches does and YP used to but not outside. Yay. Kitties are safer and healthier indoors only.
I still get anxious about Patches as stress isn’t good for older kitties, and I still feel like leaving YP and Patches at the vet, even though they get excellent care at Lakeside, for over 2 weeks when my grandpa went Home could have gotten YP’s diseases going. I know, it’s probably unlikely, but it still haunts me so we won’t be leaving them for more than a week at a time. They’re our babies.
Before I end this, how did we pick the name Samoset? All my kitties are somehow connected to each other and I picked Patches after the name of Sara’s favorite toy which I had named Patches as a child as Sara ripped the eye off one of my pound puppies and my mom sewed a patch over its eye so I named Patches Patches. YP was named after a ham radio friend who encouraged us to adopt 2 kitties when we were ready after Sara went Home.
With Samoset, we watch the Charlie Brown Thanksgiving show and used to be goofy and give each other roles. Most years YP played Samoset so we decided that our next boy kitty would be named Samoset.
Samoset was an Abenaki sagamore and the first American Indian to make contact with the Pilgrims of Plymouth Colony. — Wikipedia
I strongly believe that animals should be a part of every child’s life even if it’s a fish. Having a life to help care for teaches children responsibility and teamwork because the animal is a family member. It also helps teach children kindness and empathy as we help our children learn to respect the animal and treat it gently. Lastly, pets provide another source of love and support for the children as they can talk to the pet and love on them.
Anyway, that’s the story of our new wild man, sweet baby boy like YP. He’s a lot like YP so we know God and YP sent him. I’m so grateful for new life and experiencing happy firsts instead of sad firsts after 3 years of fresh grief. Please keep praying for them to co-exist more and more.
“…and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free” (John 8:32, NASB).
As I mentioned in my last post, I have had people get angry for labeling my dad as abusive. However, when we look at the definition of labeling, we see that describing his behavior is not “labeling.”
Here’s the definition of labeling:
“assign to a category, especially inaccurately or restrictively.”
“children were labeled as bullies” (Google Dictionary).
I believe that the key word here is inaccurately. I hate labels, especially when it comes to children. There are no bad children. I have constantly been labeled inaccurately as “retarded,” “heretical,” and a “drama queen” by people who don’t even know me and judge me wrongly. Frankly, I’m guilty of judging others and labeling them inaccurately as well. This is something that I continue to work on.
I also had another run in with a “Christian” pro-spanker who became more and more insulting to me and others as we tried to point out the Truth that Proverbs was not meant to be taken literally when it comes to the rod verses that seem to advocate for corporal punishment. I don’t know where he gets his Hebrew and Greek definitions, but I do not believe that they are from accurate resources. Of course, he thinks the same thing about me.
“Let not many of you become teachers, my brethren, knowing that as such we will incur a stricter judgment” (NASB).
I don’t fear God, as in being afraid of Him, but I am reverent towards Him. Thank the Lord that God is love and forgives. The pro-spanker tried to say that the Hebrew word for fear the Lord means to be scared of Him. It made no sense in the context of 1 John 4 where the Bible describes God’s amazing love for us and that fear has to do with punishment. I’m sorry but love and fear cannot co-exist.
Well, things got heated and I described what I was seeing in his comments. With both my dad and this pro-spanker, I have been thinking a lot about labeling and have come to the conclusion that it’s not “labeling” if you are describing behaviors you have experienced and/or observed.
Here’s the definition of describing:
“1. give an account in words of (someone or something), including all the relevant characteristics, qualities, or events” (Google dictionary).
There’s nothing wrong with pointing out negative behaviors in an appropriate manner which can be difficult in the heat of the moment. My dad was physically, verbally, and emotionally abusive to me and my siblings whether they want to admit it or not. To keep quiet about the abuse is to make it ok. It’s NEVER ok to hurt a child in any manner. There’s so much victim blaming and gaslighting from people who don’t want the abuse exposed. I will never be able to pretend that this abuse didn’t happen even when I have forgiven him.
The same goes for pro-spankers who become insulting and un-Christian like. A person can only take so much before he or she explode. Being mean, insulting, and hateful just sends people—adults and children into fight or flight. They cannot hear the person any more and will eventually either lash out or shut down. I imagine that this is what most of these people who resort to being mean and hateful want—a reaction from the person trying to be kind and respectful and explain our viewpoints. If these people must inflict pain on children, then I can see why those people also must inflict pain on everyone else.
Children grow up and some become trapped in the horrible, abusive doctrine that they were raised in. Or get stuck in believing that an abusive pattern is fine. People like me who were traumatized by the abuse find their voice and must speak out for the children. I don’t think I’m better than anybody. I just want people to know and experience the true, beautiful love of Christ and to STOP children from being hurt due to man’s traditions.
Plus, with children we teach them by describing what they are doing and asking questions. Gentle parenting describes emotions and helps children work through them appropriately. During a conflict between two children, we describe what is happening in the moment to help each child see the others’ point of view and come to a resolution. Without describing, learning would be difficult.
I must point out that diagnosis of a disability or disease is fine and necessary. However, diagnosis should not become labels that are used against children and adults. I have severe cerebral palsy and it doesn’t define me. It just affects how I live my life which is not easy but I am blessed with a wonderful life.
In conclusion, it’s necessary to call a spade a spade. Sometimes the truth hurts when we humble ourselves and realize that we are wrong. However, the Truth (Jesus) will sett us free if we allow Him to do so. What a wonderful message to teach our precious children!
This is a short post but I had to write it. Overall, my emotional health has really improved since we adopted our new kitten, Samoset. He doesn’t replace YP, but he is sure helping us on a number of levels.
However, this has been a rough week for me due to the 8th being the third anniversary of my mother-in-law going Home and the 9th being the 15th anniversary of my abusive dad going Home and some really don’t like me talking about the abuse.
This post, which was written a couple of years ago, describes how it feels to go from honoring someone who never intentionally hurt me to acknowledging my dad’s going Home anniversary. I will write about the idea of labeling in a later post.
I always seem to make myself vulnerable to people as I am a very emotional person. Today’s meditation session on the Calm app was about being vulnerable with others and how it is a good thing. I really needed to hear that and it made me cry since I have been feeling vulnerable all week.
I will be honest, while I totally agree with this meme from the meditation session, it can be very easy to just shut down so people who prey on the vulnerable can’t hurt us. From conception to death, power hungry people love to prey on the vulnerable. Children especially. This fact makes me angry.
Except these power hungry people were usually hurt as children themselves which is why they behave the way they do. This is yet another reason why I advocate for the respectful treatment of children. Respected children usually grow up to be empathetic, loving, joyful, vulnerable, and resilient adults. They don’t need to have power over weaker beings or feel the need to act like they know everything.
I’m grateful that in spite of my pain and dealing with people who just don’t understand, I am able to stay vulnerable, empathetic, and loving. I’m far from perfect but I do my best to advocate in a respectful manner. I am learning how to become less reactive to people and respond. And I am also learning to love unconditionally from a distance to rid myself of the toxic relationships in my life.
I believe vulnerability is a gift from God. It also allows us to be humble and rest in the peace and joy of God. May we treat our most vulnerable with respect, empathy, and compassion.
“Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit” (Romans 15:13, NASB).
This is a rough week for my husband and I as we commemorate the birthday of our sweet kitty on the 4th of July. He would have been 12. Then the 5th marks the first year since he went Home to Heaven. We love our animals like family, so this is hitting us harder than we expected.
The Bible says to endure hardship as discipline.
“You have not yet resisted to the point of shedding blood in your striving against sin;and you have forgotten the exhortation which is addressed to you as sons,
“My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, Norfaint when you are reproved by Him; For thosewhom the Lord loves He disciplines, And He scourges every son whom He receives.”
It is for discipline that you endure; God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom his father does not discipline?But if you are without discipline, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate children and not sons.Furthermore, we had earthly fathers to discipline us, and we respected them; shall we not much rather be subject to the Father of spirits, and live?For they disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them, but He disciplines us for our good, so that we may share His holiness.All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness” (Hebrews 12:4-11, NASB)
Unfortunately, many Christians take these versesto mean corporal punishment. But if you read the Proverbs section of this blog, it has nothing to do with spanking/hitting children or hitting anyone. It just means that growth and discipline is not always pleasant and easy.
And being a Christ-follower, I take to heart what Jesus said,
“Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful.”
(John 14:27, NASB).
After much research, and guidance from the Holy Spirit, I truly believe He that one of the many ways He does this is through His gift of cannabis, and the appropriate use of alcohol (see 1 Timothy 5:23, Ecclesiastes 9:7, and Psalm 104:14-15 also references cannabis). Of course, the Bible makes it clear not to get really drunk, but to relax and relieve some medical issues, alcohol use is perfectly fine and encouraged throughout the Bible. In fact, one of Jesus’ first miracles was turning water into wine at a wedding in John 2:1-11. Please see this post for a link to the use of cannabis during Biblical times.
Yes, we go through hardships throughout our lives and these hardships should make us grow—and grow closer to Him. I truly believe we should use discipline to help everyone grow, opposed to using punishment which keeps us stuck in the place we are in, no matter how old we are.
For example, children may appear to be growing despite being punished, but it’s really them learning to hide things from their parents in order to avoid getting punishment. For adults, such a punitive attitude and belief system can trap them in harmful legalism and toxic relationships. They can’t see Who Jesus really is—love.
My husband and I watched the movie Reincarnated about Snoop Dogg changing his life to one of peace and love. He went to Jamaica and he became a Rastafarian. While we don’t agree with some of the Rastafarian doctrine, we love the way they love all and respect all people no matter what they believe.
They use cannabis as both medicine and to grow closer to God. I have absolutely fallen in love with this song:
Yes, heartbreak will hopefully and eventually lead to growth. It is not God punishing us. It’s life. We, as Christ-followers, must learn and understand this. We must teach this to our children so they can truly grow in Christ.
One last thing about cannabis: I have severe cerebral palsy and use it medically for spasms, pain, anxiety, and PTSD. As the result of being blessed by this sacred plant, I truly believe I am growing in Christ. I’ve become more open to more encompassing love and grace. I am still very imperfect and make mistakes, but I am slowly getting better at loving others.
For years, I bought into the doctrine that marijuana is “evil.” It’s anything but. In fact, it allowed me sit here with fireworks going off next door, and I was not jumping as much and not being anxious about the next boom. I am looking forward to going to the fireworks on the 4th. I will be using cannabis, thereby remaining more clearly aware of and the Holy Spirit’s guidance and comfort to continue to deal with my heartbreak. I am hopeful that cannabis will continue to ease my spasms and other ailments. Yay for Cannabis!
As the line in the song says, “so raise a glass to the memories, set em free, and fill up all those ashtrays.”
In memory of Sara (January 27, 2007), Grandpa (May 2, 2016), my father-in-law (June 29, 2007), YP (July 5, 2017), Penelope (July 6, 2012), my mother-in-law (August 8, 2015), Sadie (October 6, 2011), and the rest of my loved ones in Heaven.
Interesting title, huh? I’m glad I got your attention.
I have been moving away from the dogma of the evangelical Christian community for quite some time now. The closer I get to Jesus Christ and His teachings, the more I have trouble dealing with evangelical Christians. Why?
They use the Old Testament and parts of the New Testament that were written in a completely different time, culture, and historical period to oppress groups of people who don’t subscribe to their dogma. These people include:
*The LBGTQ community. Drag queens and kings are cool!
*People of different races and ethnicities. Missionaries are simply supposed to teach the love of Christ to them but end up totally changing their culture.
*People who choose to decorate their bodies with piercings, tattoos, and unique hair styles and colors.
Basically, the conservative evangelical Christian will preach love to draw people in, but then use verses out of context to abuse, hurt, oppress, reject, and even torture people. I am not ok with this.
I used to be an evangelical Christian. I used to be legalistic. I used to think the written Word was infallible. But I don’t anymore because when you take time to research different topics and what the original text said, it’s written for the people of that time but, through the Holy Spirit, we can gain much insight into Who God is by reading and studying the Bible. I just don’t think the Bible is the be all, end all for the issues of today.
I think the main thing God wanted all of us throughout the entire earthly time until Jesus’s return to gain from Him and His Word is LOVE!
“If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.2If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth;bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails; but if there are gifts of[prophecy, they will be done away; if there aretongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away.For we know in part and we prophesy in part;but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away.When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things.For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known.But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love” (1 Corinthians 13:1-13, NASB).
Did you read this? Whatever we do, if we don’t havelove, it means nothing to God. And I know that many Christians will tell you that they’re doing everything “in love” but love doesn’t hurt people! And love is the greatest of all.
Jesus preached love. He died a horrific death for all of humanity in love. He sure didn’t suffer and die for His health!
“For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life” (John 3:16, NASB).
“But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8, NASB).
The Bible is a Book of love and redemption. It was never intended to be used to oppress, abuse, hurt, or even kill people. We’re supposed to be breaking the yoke of oppression.
“To loosen the bonds of wickedness,
To undo the bands of the yoke,
And to let the oppressed go free
And break every yoke?
‘Is it not to divide your bread with the hungry
And bring the homeless poor into the house;
When you see the naked, to cover him;
And not to hide yourself from your own flesh?
‘Then your light will break out like the dawn,
And your recovery will speedily spring forth;
And your righteousness will go before you;
The glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.
‘Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
You will cry, and He will say, ‘Here I am.’
If you remove the yoke from your midst,
The pointing of the finger and speaking wickedness,
And if you give yourself to the hungry
And satisfy the desire of the afflicted,
Then your light will rise in darkness
And your gloom will become like midday.
‘And the LORD will continually guide you,
And satisfy your desire in scorched places,
And give strength to your bones;
And you will be like a watered garden,
And like a spring of water whose waters do not fail.
‘Those from among you will rebuild the ancient ruins;
You will raise up the age-old foundations;
And you will be called the repairer of the breach,
The restorer of the streets in which to dwell'” (Isaiah 58:6-12)! NASB).
Jesus quotes some of this in Luke 4:17-19. And if you really read through the Gospel, it’s full of teaching about treating the “lowlife” people in society with love and freeing them from their oppression, not separating children from their parents and holding them in cages because their parents are seeking asylum, not telling the LBGTQ that they are going to Hell, not treating people with disabilities patronizingly or thinking their disabilities are due to sin, not picking certain people who need help while ignoring or rejecting others that don’t fit the “criteria,” not promoting child abuse and corporal punishment, not judging people with tattoos or piercings, and not stopping and insulting people who are using a God-given plant to help heal themselves and grow closer to Jesus.
Jesus was the hardest on the self-righteous teachers of the Law and Pharisees.
“Then Jesus spoke to the crowds and to His disciples,saying: “The scribes and the Pharisees have seated themselves in the chair of Moses;therefore all that they tell you, do and observe, but do not do according to their deeds; for they say things and do not do them.They tie up heavy burdens and lay them on men’s shoulders, but they themselves are unwilling to move them with so much as a finger.But they do all their deeds to be noticed by men; for they broaden their phylacteries and lengthen the tassels of their garments.They love the place of honor at banquets and the chief seats in the synagogues,and respectful greetings in the market places, and being called Rabbi by men.But do not be called Rabbi; for One is your Teacher, and you are all brothers.Do not call anyone on earth your father; for One is your Father, He who is in heaven.Do not be called leaders; for One is your Leader, that is, Christ. But the greatest among you shall be your servant.Whoever exalts himself shall be humbled; and whoever humbles himself shall be exalted” (Matthew 23:1-12, NASB).
I just cannot be associated with these evangelical Christians. I will love them from afar as Jesus wants, but many are wolves in sheep’s clothing. Some have just gotten caught up in bad church doctrine and dogma like I was for many years. I hope that more and more people wake up and teach their children to love above all else!
I really related to a recent meditation session. I’m finding myself. Have been for a few years now intensely and I’m not the “sweet, good Christian little disabled girl” everyone seems to see me as. I’m a badass, humble, loving, kind, Christ-follower who loves to party, get tattoos, free spirited woman who will always speak up for the children and the oppressed.
My husband and I recently went to Pride with my friend who is gay. Our first pride event ever. It was so peaceful and fun and nobody promoting anything but love and supporting each other. We went to drag queen bingo and had a blast. So fun. Nothing evil or even very adult only.
I didn’t understand drag queens and kings when I wrote the post to which I linked to above. These people are simply bringing awareness and poking fun at traditional gender stereotypes. They are not sinning by dressing up as the opposite sex. They simply want people to further understand and respect the LBGTQ community. Good fun people.
So with that, I sign off with what this post is about and why I am no longer an evangelical Christian, but rather, a Christ-follower:
Being an author, artist, athlete, or any other professional in which one is forced to compete is not an easy thing. As an author, I continue to have to deal with rejection and disappointment. And sometimes, as a part of business, I must reject and disappoint others.
Writing books and finding an illustrator for my children’s book about my life with Cerebral Palsy has turned out to be much more difficult than I thought. I hope to be able to contractually secure an illustrator for my children’s book this summer and still have it published in the fall, but nothing is guaranteed. I may be disappointed again and/or have to disappoint someone else if the samples of illustrations don’t fit my vision of my children’s book.
Since this is a children’s book about me, it’s an absolute requirement that the cartoon character depicting me both as a child and adult is accurate. I want young children to see what severe cerebral palsy looks like while showing them how much one can accomplish despite the disability. I also want other children with cerebral palsy to be able to relate to the book.
All of this got me thinking about disappointment, competition, and community. I am 36 years old and I still don’t handle disappointment as well as I would like, yet we expect young children to deal with it better than we do. When they have a meltdown due to disappointment, we punish them instead of helping them learn to cope with disappointment.
And, at times, we even set the children up for disappointment by expecting them to do things that they are not ready to do like compete at a young age or go to a candy store without getting any candy when we know they can’t control their impulses.
Children are put in sports or other competitions and are expected to compete. Even going to school has become a competition to see who can get the best grades and who can be the most popular.
While there’s a movement to give everyone trophies in competitions, I’m not sure if that’s the answer either. I absolutely hate the way many conservatives talk about this; that giving everyone a trophy is turning them into “snowflakes (too sensitive).” Yet, this culture and life requires hard work and earning things through hard work and talent.
Plus, children should be able to enjoy the journey towards their goals and accomplishments. It is often the journey—whether or not it results in success or failure—that teaches us all important lessons. We should not take this away from children by making everyone a “winner” or trying to shield them from all rejection and disappointment.
I believe that learning to work hard and how to cope with disappointment is very important for children. I also think for young children, there’s nothing wrong with getting a certificate of participation for participating in an event. Teaching children that while everyone may not be able to be the best and win, it’s still important to be inclusive.
Then there’s community. Community is very important to teach children. Having a communal attitude can go along way in helping this society to be more united. Children must be taught that, in basic human terms, everyone is equal no matter what! Celebrating individual talents is fine but that doesn’t mean anyone’s “better” than the other when it comes to simply being a human being.
In many other countries, the culture is alll about community and putting others first. Children learn this from a young age and have been known to run together to reach a prize and then share it. The children don’t believe that one can be happy if the whole group isn’t happy. This is another great argument that children are not born sinful! They act how they live. We are their teachers.
I recently attended an event with my husband and friend which was very community oriented. Everyone was happy, loving, and peaceful. It was very refreshing that there was no judgment or anything negative. We did play a game but it was all in fun and we were happy for the people who won.
I guess there’s a time for disappointment, competition, and community. However, we must teach children how to cope with disappointment and not push competition on them. Playing should be fun while teaching children about teamwork which is community. Disappointment is a part of life. We must teach them how to deal with their big feelings in a kind, compassionate way.
I must also point out that the Church is failing in community because the Church tends to pick and choose who they allow to be a part of the Church. The Church has been known to reject, be oppressive, and even abuse weaker groups of people of all ages. Yet, Jesus calls us to love, help, and include everyone in the community.
But most of all, may we teach children community and inclusion. That looking out for everyone is what truly matters. Working hard together and understanding that everyone has different talents is more important than anything else.