Jesus Hates Religion. Spirituality vs. Religon.

Note: Life has a funny way of taking over.  I started writing this post in December and am just now finishing it.  Thank you so much for your patience.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas or whatever holiday you celebrate.  Happy New Year!  I am writing this post because I no longer consider myself a religious person even though I still believe in Jesus.  However, my belief is no longer the traditional religious belief that mainstream Christianity makes Him out to be.  I am incorporating other spiritual beliefs in my belief system and I am open to everything.  Feel free to read Why I Am No Longer An Evangelical Christian. Plus, Drag Queens And Kings Are Cool!

I recently shared this meme on my professional Facebook page and I got one nice lady who ended up being a joy to talk to because she tried to use Non-Violent Communication principles.  We both admitted to being not perfect and struggling with it.  We’re both open to learning.  I love people like that because another “Christian” called me a “hypocrite” for sharing this meme and then wishing my Jewish friends a “Happy Hanukkah.”  She was swiftly blocked and banned because I have been called so many names that I absolutely will not tolerate it.  But her comment proves that this is right in many instances.  Then there are people that just want to argue just to argue.

Here’s the meme:

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I agree with this because religion does brainwash people of every age, makes people angry (How many wars have been fought over religion?), and promotes a “better than thou” attitude.  Believe me, I was a part of this for a decade and a half and used to gasp with disgust or surprise when a fellow believer would do something against the religious teachings of the church.  We’re supposed to be humble but instead we look down on people who don’t believe what we do.  It’s disgusting and sad, really.

Not all religious people are like this.  But some just blindly follow whatever the established organized religion teaches. Much of the Christian church doctrine is toxic with a bit of love and compassion occasionally sprinkled in.  For children, more of the doctrine is spiritual abuse because even though I still believe that children are created to believe in Jesus and/or a Higher Power, when they are allowed to freely explore, they can create a positive belief system.  Unfortunately, many children aren’t given that freedom and are taught that they are inherently evil (which I rejected after much research) and are told to obey or else they’ll get spanked or go to Hell.

Telling children the above is spiritual and emotional abuse.  It’s not ok.  One of my best friends experienced this as a child and now rejects religion but is still a spiritual person.

I, too, cannot support religious doctrine.  I consider myself a spiritual person even though I still believe in Jesus. I am using other spiritual beliefs to create a positive spiritual belief system because when we open our consciousness, we see that there’s so much we don’t know and that doctrine often doesn’t add up to what we experience.  Plus, trying to have enough faith to be approved by whatever God you’re trying to please isn’t easy and makes one feel like a failure.  Also, fear is often a huge part of many religions instead of love!  After all, many religious sects and cults tell us that we’re going to go to Hell for not being a part of their religious group.

Merriam-Webster defines religion as:

1a: the state of a religious

A nun in her 20th year of religion

b(1): the service and worship of God or the supernatural

 

(2): commitment or devotion to religious faith or observance
2: a personal set or institutionalized system of religious attitudes, beliefs, and practices
3archaic : scrupulous conformity : CONSCIENTIOUSNESS
4: a cause, principle, or system of beliefs held to with ardor and faith”  (https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/religion#synonyms).
A website called ReachOut Australia says that spirituality is:

Spirituality: This is more of an individual practice, and has to do with having a sense of peace and purpose” (https://au.reachout.com/articles/what-is-spirituality).

Now many religious people can be spiritual but it seems like they value the rules and man-made doctrines over truly seeking Truth and God or Whomever one wishes to call Him/Her.  I hear all the religious people gasping after reading this sentence. It wasn’t that long ago that I would have gasped as well.  However, the more one gets away from church doctrine and actually begins to seek the Truth, the less judgmental he/she becomes because we’re all one.  Unless someone practices evil, we really are connected in so many ways with love being our main priority!

Spiritual people are usually more positive, accepting, open, and loving.  They wish to be able to get along with everyone.  Even if they don’t “believe” in Jesus, they are ok with people that do as long as those people respect their beliefs.

And yes, spiritual people do participate in rituals and even some religious ceremonies to help them grow spiritually and they are always learning.  They just don’t subscribe to an exact doctrine, or if they do, they don’t try to push it on others.

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Source: reddit.com

Even Jesus Christ was against religious people and hung out with everyday people. Look at what Jesus said to the Pharisees and Teachers of the Law:

“Matthew 23 New American Standard Bible (NASB)

Pharisaism Exposed

23 Then Jesus spoke to the crowds and to His disciples, saying: “The scribes and the Pharisees have seated themselves in the chair of Moses; therefore all that they tell you, do and observe, but do not do according to their deeds; for they say things and do not do them.They tie up heavy burdens and lay them on men’s shoulders, but they themselves are unwilling to move them with so much as a finger. But they do all their deeds to be noticed by men; for they broaden their phylacteries and lengthen the tassels of their garments. They love the place of honor at banquets and the chief seats in the synagogues, and respectful greetings in the market places, and being called Rabbi by men. But do not be called Rabbi; for One is your Teacher, and you are all brothers. Do not call anyone on earth your father; for One is your Father, He who is in heaven. 10 Do not be called [b]leaders; for One is your Leader, that is, Christ. 11 But the greatest among you shall be your servant. 12 Whoever exalts himself shall be humbled; and whoever humbles himself shall be exalted.”

Jesus preached LOVE AND ACCEPTANCE!  Yet, “Christians” can be some of the most hateful people I’ve ever encountered along with Muslim extremists.  You don’t say that someone should die because they are homosexual and you disagree with them.  People shouldn’t blow people away because they want their religion to take over the world.  I believe that religion creates a form of narcissism.  “My church is right and yours is wrong.”  I used to be like that, but there’s much grace and freedom in “agreeing to disagree.”  Yet, I have always hated how children are treated in many religious sects.  They shouldn’t be taught how “bad” they are and shouldn’t be taught to remember every sin so they can repent for them to avoid going to Hell.  And they should NEVER BE TAUGHT THAT GOD WANTS THEM TO BE SPANKED/HIT!

Healthy spirituality is what we all need to aim for.  There’s a Light in all of us.   I believe that satan wants to blind us to this and think that we have to do special prayers and other things to be closer to God/Goddess but we can learn to listen for Them ourselves.  Certain natural medicines are also helpful for some adults to gain more awareness of the spiritual world that is completely and always surrounding us.

After all, love is the greatest of ALL!

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No Mud, No Lotus

 

For my birthday, I got a beautiful hand tattoo which, is in and of itself, a major accomplishment for someone who has severe cerebral palsy, with the phrase, “No mud, no lotus.”  I really wanted it on my hand in order to always be able to see it and take comfort in it.

This tattoo is especially meaningful to me after everything I’ve been through.  There has been so much darkness and pain, and yet, I am growing and fighting my way to the light out of the mud. This phrase was part of a recent meditation session and it really hit me hard because that’s how I feel. I am growing and changing; doing my best to become a better person while acknowledging that I am far from perfect. I’m learning to love myself and get away from toxic relationships even when it hurts.

I’m trying to be like Christ without all the religious stuff. Without the mud (darkness and pain), there’s no beautiful lotus. I’m trying to get to the blooming flower and I AM getting there. There’s always going to be be pain and darkness throughout life, but it can always eventually turn into something beautiful!

For the Christ-followers, bad things happen in the world because sin and satan are in it. We are not born evil.  God is the Author of only good things.  Children really need to be taught this so they don’t think they are inherently bad or that God causes “bad things to happen.”

 

Since today is mental health awareness day, this morning’s meditation session was wonderful!   I still struggle with anxiety and PTSD. This week has been especially rough for my bathroom anxiety.

It’s sad that physical pain is widely acknowledged and supported, but when it comes to mental health issues, there’s still a stigma which can, and often does, make people feel isolated and alone. Nobody expects you to “get over” physical illness or pain, but they certainly expect you to hurry up and “get over” emotional pain.

I truly believe emotional health begins at birth or even before. Children are able to pick up on our vibes. Therefore, they definitely require responsive, respectful care to be able to have a better chance at emotional health.  After all, emotional health is just as crucial for a healthy society as physical health is.

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The First Christmas

This is an especially difficult holiday season for us due to another loss of a loved one and my medical issues. I got the results of my MRI, and I now have to get the suspicious mass checked out that was discovered when I was hospitalized for a bowel blockage.  My biopsy is scheduled for January 2, 2018.

So we’re dealing with fresh grief again and my anxiety level is really high right now. As I have said many times, children who are spanked/hit/abused have a higher chance of getting an anxiety disorder. I’m working on getting my anxiety under control.  Not easy!

All this has me thinking about the first Christmas.  My friend and I were discussing grief and how this Christmas doesn’t feel magical or joyful to either of us.  One of my other friends got us a new small Christmas tree and scented candle to smell like a tree in order to change things up and make it a little less painful.  We also got a new outside Christmas light.

There’s joy amidst the pain.  Just like the first Christmas.

Imagine the emotional drama Mary and Joseph went through when Mary got pregnant with Jesus.  How do you explain that to people who might not believe you that you are carrying God’s child and did nothing wrong?  Thank the Lord, God explained to Joseph that he could still marry her after the Baby was born.  He was going to divorce her.

They had so much joy in having God’s Son!  How humbling it must have been for Mary.  But she had to deal with everything that comes with normal pregnancy.  And, again, how did she explain to people about the pregnancy?

Keep in mind that they were living in poverty and in tumultuous political times.  Imagine having to travel by camel to register in their hometown of Bethlehem while being in the last stages of pregnancy.  I can guarantee that Mary experienced pain which must have upset Joseph because he loved her and had to do his best to protect her and the Baby.    That must have been a lot of pressure on him!

Yes, God was with them.  But that doesn’t mean it was easy!

After arriving in Bethlehem, Mary went into labor.  She didn’t have the Baby in a nice home or hospital.  There was no room for them in the inn—both physically and emotionally—so she gave birth in a place where the animals were kept.   It was not very sanitary or comfortable, making labor, which is no fun in and of itself, even more difficult.

But here comes Jesus Christ and there was great JOY!

“In the same region there were some shepherds staying out in the fields and keeping watch over their flock by night.  And an angel of the Lord suddenly stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them; and they were terribly frightened. But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid; for behold, I bring you good news of great joy which will be for all the people; for today in the city of David there has been born for you a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. 12 This will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.” And suddenly there appeared with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying,

“Glory to God in the highest,
And on earth peace among men with whom He is pleased.”
When the angels had gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds began saying to one another, “Let us go straight to Bethlehem then, and see this thing that has happened which the Lord has made known to us.” So they came in a hurry and found their way to Mary and Joseph, and the baby as He lay in the manger. When they had seen this, they made known the statement which had been told them about this Child. And all who heard it wondered at the things which were told them by the shepherds. But Mary treasured all these things, pondering them in her heart. The shepherds went back, glorifying and praising God for all that they had heard and seen, just as had been told them” (Luke 2-20, NASB).

There was pain and joy. It wasn’t this totally joyful event for Mary and Joseph, yet, there was plenty of joy and rejoicing!

That was until King Herod found out about this Baby that people were coming to worship.  How dare they worship a baby and call Him “King!”  King Herod had a fit and ordered his men to kill all the male babies that were 2 or younger.  There was a lot of screaming and weeping from parents who had their babies murdered for no reason.  God told Joseph in a dream to take Jesus and Mary to Egypt until it was safe for them to return to Bethlehem (Matthew 2:16-18).

This meant another trip across the desert with the Baby.  Jesus may have been a toddler by then.  I know Jesus was completely without sin, but I truly believe that He behaved as a typical infant and toddler; crying and going through the typical developmental stages are not “sin” as many Christians believe.  See more info here.  He cried when He needed something such as a feeding, nap, diaper change, or just to be comforted.  We all know how difficult it is to travel with a baby.  And then they were in hiding until Herod died.

Yes, there was joy on the first Christmas but the reality is that it wasn’t all joy.  There was plenty of pain, fear, stress, and confusion.  God was there through it all, but due to sin in the world, He had to watch suffering too.  Jesus chose pain over continuous joy in Heaven in order to save us from our sins.

Also, God didn’t rebuke or punish them for expressing their pain and frustration.  He loved them and that’s what He still does with us.  He suffers along with us and comforts us while correcting us gently when necessary. 

We should do our best to be there for our children instead of punishing them. God does not punish us.  Therefore, we should do our best to help our children instead of punishing them.

 “Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow”  (‭James‬ ‭1‬:‭17‬ NASB).

We are going through some rough, scary things right now, but I know God is with me/us.  He will see us through this painful, scary season and I am counting on next Christmas being more joyful. In the meantime, I continue to look for the moments of joy.

Every good thing comes from the Lord.  If you too are going through some rough things this holiday season, please know that you’re not alone. God’s with you.  Please try to find friends to help support you.  It’s okay to change traditions if the old ones are too painful this year. We hope to get back into our traditions next Christmas. Whatever you need to do to find some joy and peace this Christmas, please do.

Please keep praying for me. Thank you so much!

Incidentally, I still have a very limited number of books if you want a signed copy for $10.  Free shipping in the continental United States. Please contact me and we’ll work something out.

May everyone have a peaceful, blessed, and merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

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Peace On Earth

The following commercial from Pampers diapers always makes me cry every year at Christmas time.

These precious, innocent babies are the pinnacle of God’s creation and I always wonder how anyone in their right mind could believe that they are “sinful” or “manipulative.” 

These babies are beautiful human beings; people think it’s perfectly fine, and even “godly,” to treat them harshly in order to “train” them to be peaceful, godly people.  It breaks my heart every time, especially this time of year when we are celebrating God coming down as a baby to save us all!  Check out this post about God being a baby.

Jesus lifted children’s status in the world, and called us to be more like them and treat them with respect and kindness.  And yet, “Christians” still advocate for letting them cry-it-out, for spanking/hitting them, and for using other harsh punishment on them.  But that isn’t how Jesus was when He came to Earth.  He brought real peace.

He treated everyone with love and discipled them.  He corrected people through His Words, not through violence.  Then when it was time, He died a violent death for all of us!

Even with satan, He used His Word to stop him.  In the Temple when He got angry at the people taking advantage of the poor in His Father’s House, He did not hit anyone with the whip.  He simply wanted them out immediately.

We want peace on Earth but we are not willing to follow after Jesus’s example.  Jesus would never leave a baby to cry-it-out, spank/hit a child, or send a child away to “think” about what he/she has done.  

No, Jesus would comfort, disciple, love, guide, protect, teach, correct, forgive, and offer mercy and grace to the little ones.  After all, the Kingdom of God belongs to the little ones.

“But Jesus called for them, saying, “Permit the children to come to Me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these” (Luke 18:16, NASB).

And here is what the prophet Isaiah called Jesus:

“For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counseller, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace” (Isaiah 9:6, KJV).

If we truly want peace on Earth this Christmas, may we strive to parent our beautiful children the way the Prince of Peace, Our AWESOME Lord and Savior would parent them.

“And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.

And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.

And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.

For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.

And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.

And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,

Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men” (Luke 2:8-14, KJV).

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They Have Souls. They Are Innocent!

Psalm 139:13-18 (NASB):
“For You formed my inward parts;
You wove me in my mother’s womb.
I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Wonderful are Your works,
And my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth;
Your eyes have seen my unformed substance;
And in Your book were all written
The days that were ordained for me,
When as yet there was not one of them.
How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand.
When I awake, I am still with You.”

I love this Scipture for two reasons.

  1. God created us in our mothers’ wombs. Therefore, a baby has a soul from the moment he/she is conceived.  Even John The Baptist leaped in his mother’s womb when Mary visited Elizabeth while pregnant with Jesus (Luke 1:41). Therefore, it is important we recognize that babies are babies in the womb and help the pro-life movement by giving to pregnancy crisis centers. Picketing at abortion clinics does not help.
  2. The other reason I love this Scripture is that it says nothing about sinfulness.  Yes, the parents are sinful, but God creates babies. Babies are incapable of sinning.  Therefore, we need to respect them and treat them in a way that reflects God’s love to them.

Here’s another beautiful Scripture showing us how God feels about babies and young children:

“O Lord, our Lord,
How majestic is Your name in all the earth,
Who have displayed Your splendor above the heavens!
From the mouth of infants and nursing babes You have established strength
Because of Your adversaries,
To make the enemy and the revengeful cease” (Psalm 8:1-3, NASB).

If young children are so “sinful,” why would God have established His strength in them?  He is in our babies.  Shouldn’t we view young children the way God views them?

They have souls and they are innocent!

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God Came To Earth As A Human Baby!

As Christmas draws near, I always enjoy thinking about how God chose to come to Earth as Baby Jesus.

God coming down as a BABY and doing what all human babies do really says a lot about how He truly feels about children.  He could’ve come as a man, but He chose to be a BABY.

Our Almighty God was born the same way as all babies are, and nursed from His mother’s breasts!  He was like all children.   I believe Jesus cried as a baby and screamed as a toddler because these are developmental behaviors. Acting one’s age is not sinful when one is a young child.  Jesus was 100% human as well as 100% God.  He had to communicate His needs the same way all babies and children must.

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Of course, Jesus was sinless, so when He became an adolescent Who could act maliciously, He didn’t.  Yet, God, the Father, didn’t send Jesus out to the desert to be tempted by satan until He was an adult.

Whatever you believe about the “sinful nature” of children, this tells me that God, the Father, knew that Jesus’s brain needed to mature in growth and The Word before He could withstand the evil one.

Much of what most Christians deem “sinful” in children is simply immature brains that cannot control impulses. It is not sin until the child truly grasps sin. How dare we call children “sinful” when God, the Father, waited for His Son to fully mature before sending Him into the desert.

I find this all truly amazing!  I think we, as Christians/Christ-followers, really need to reflect more on things such as this as it gives us greater insight into the true character of God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. It would make no sense if He really wanted us to leave infants to cry-it-out and/or to spank/hit our children!   After all, He was a Child!

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Why We Need To Change Our Perceptions

We all have different ways of perceiving people and life events. Some of our perceptions are accurate and factual. Others are based on preconceived notions and experiences. Some perceptions are good. Some are quite negative and downright harmful.

For example, a while back I watched a show where they researched how different people perceived certain groups of people.  I don’t remember all four groups that the majority of people put others into based on how they perceive them.  But, one group stood out to me as it hit close to home.

That group was called, “not dangerous, incompetent.”

Guess who was put into this group.

The disabled and the elderly.  Had children been a part of this research, I’m sure children also would have been placed into the group as well since the majority tends to perceived children as incompetent.

What is sad is I am severely physically disabled due to my cerebral palsy, and yet, I have a Master’s Degree.  Every day I must deal with people that perceive me as incompetent.  This is why I’m working on getting my first children’s book published to change the negative and inaccurate perceptions of having a disability.

The elderly are very competent!  They have years of wisdom even if their bodies won’t allow them to physically accomplish that which they once could.

And finally, children are extremely competent!  They are capable of so much more than we give them credit.  Yet, we never appreciate their abilities, but punish them for not being adults.

Thankfully, Jesus never liked how society perceived and viewed children.  He gives us a high command when it comes to children.

“See that you do not despise one of these little ones, for I say to you that their angels in heaven continually see the face of My Father who is in heaven” (Matthew 18:10).
I believe that our society as a whole despises children. Children are the least respected people of our society.

They are murdered before they are born.

They are left to cry alone.

They are spanked/hit and publicly shamed.

People argue about their “right” to treat them however they want.

They are called horrible names.

The saddest thing about this is it’s Christians promoting much of this. Yet, Jesus is the One who elevated children’s societal status.

The way we view children is how they will behave. And when Christians perceive and view children as “sinners” and “manipulative,” they react and punish what they perceive as “defiance” when the child simply is trying to communicate with us.  That’s why Dobson’s (and others like him) view is so dangerous.   Not only does he call children horrible, degrading names in his books, but he sets up an adversarial parent-child relationship.

Interestingly, God calls children blessings in Psalm 127:3. I view children as little people in need of help, guidance, and discipline (teaching). When the focus is on cooperation instead of control, children cooperate. I’ve worked with some pretty difficult children and was able to get them to cooperate through positive discipline strategies such as modeling, child-proofing, validating feelings, fulfilling the child’s physical and emotional needs, setting realistic limits and boundaries, helping children comply, giving choices, and using natural and logical consequences with children. Children do better when we perceive and view them as God does.

We need to change our perceptions of all people–young and old, disabled, or any other differences.  We need to do our best to base our perception on fact.  Smaller humans are competent!

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Infants: Innocent or “Sinful?”

Many Christians claim infants are “sinful” and “manipulative.”  This is based on an inaccurate interpretation of Psalm 51:5 which states:

“Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, And in sin my mother conceived me” (Psalm 51:5, NASB).

Even many Bible versions inaccurately translate this verse to say that David was “sinful” from birth. What I believe the verse is actually saying is that David’s mother was sinning when he was conceived.  Other verses seem to contradict the church doctrine of infants being born “sinful.”  Let’s look at some.

“Therefore, to one who knows the right thing to do and does not do it, to him it is sin” ( James 4:17, NASB).

Moreover, your little ones who you said would become a prey, and your sons, who this day have no knowledge of good or evil, shall enter there, and I will give it to them and they shall possess it” (Deuteronomy 1:39, NASB).

“For sin indeed was in the world before the law was given, but sin is not counted where there is no law” (Romans 5:13, ESV).

“But Jesus said, ‘Let the children alone, and do not hinder them from coming to Me; for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these'” (Matthew 19:14, NASB).

As we can see, infants and young children are not ever considered “sinful” in the Bible.  We will all eventually sin in our lives and will need Jesus to save us from our sins, but infants do not even know what sin is, therefore, they cannot understand what sin is.  They re so young and are totally in the present moment.  They cannot plan ahead.

Also, if we truly observe infants in an objective manner, we’ll see that they are eager to interact with us.  And as soon as they can physically do it, they will offer toys and food to us.  It may be slobbery, but they love to share with us and interact with us.

A “sinful” infant wouldn’t get joy from taking turns with us and interacting with us.  A “sinful” infant would never ever be satisfied with us.  I must point out that some infants are born with special needs and can’t interact the way typical infants can.  Other infants are very high needs.  These infants are not “sinful.”

No infants are ever “sinful.”  Infants are totally innocent.  It is very important for us to understand that infants’ wants are also their needs. Infants are incapable of manipulating us during their first year of life. Yes, as they get older, they can wait a bit for a need to be met as long as we tell them we will meet it soon and follow through. But even wanting to be held is an actual need for infants.

Let’s do our best to treat infants in a manner that will allow them to keep their innocence for as long as possible instead of treating them harshly, making them learn to be selfish.

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God Cares About Our Hearts, NOT Our Appearances!

“But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7).

Whether it’s a child’s behavior, an elderly person, or a person with a disability, too often we judge by appearances. We see an upset child and assume that it’s his/her “sinful nature” appearing. We see someone with a severe disability and assume they are mentally disabled and/or are afraid to interact with them as a “normal” person.  We see an elderly person and dismiss their wisdom and competence.

But God looks at hearts.

God sees that the child is simply having a hard time. He sees that the person with the severe disability is trying to serve Him in any capacity he/she can. He sees the elderly struggling to impart wisdom and love before their lives end.

Jesus tells us not to judge because when we judge others, we are usually totally wrong. God wants us to “love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:34-35).

So, the next time we see a child having a hard time or a person with a disability or someone totally different from us, instead of judging or being afraid, let’s LOVE them as Jesus LOVES everyone.

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Are Children Truly Selfish?

Many people, especially Christians, think that young children’s incapability to always share or to not be able to put themselves in other’s shoes or to need what they need is selfishness. They think this is children’s “flesh” and “sinful nature” taking over. It is not sin or selfishness at all.

It’s a developmental stage that young children go through. Only much older children and adults are truly able to be selfish. We have impulse control. We should have empathy. Children don’t. They’re learning.

Infants and toddlers are very aware of their parents’ emotions from birth and are affected by them, but this does not mean that infants and toddlers can empathize with the parents.
Young children from birth until somewhere around the age of four or five years are what Jean Piaget calls egocentric. Again, this is not due to their “sinful nature” and it does not mean that young children are evil. God designed children exactly how they are. There’s a reason He made young children egocentric, probably for survival in this harsh, sinful world.

As we teach children empathy by modeling it to them as well as pointing out how their behaviors–both positive and negative–affect others, children begin to learn how to be empathetic.  We need to teach them how to be gentle and respectful to others by being gentle and respectful to them.

Punishing them will always hinder their learning of selflessness.

Unfortunately, parents who use fear and punishment to make their children obey them are actually teaching their children to be selfish as the child is not thinking about doing something for another person but rather protecting him/herself from punishment. We should not be teaching our children to only do things to avoid punishment, as the Bible says, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves” (Philippians 2:3).

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I’ve dealt with many pro-spankers, and the way some of them dismiss the painful experiences a great deal of people have had with being hit by their parents is selfish.  The way pro-spankers automatically assume that their children will “survive” just because they feel they did is selfish.

In essence, spanking/hitting makes many selfish because it leads to worldly sorrow and a sense of self preservation instead of godly sorrow.

So, what is godly sorrow and worldly sorrow?

In 2 Corinthians 7:8-11, it states:

“Even if I caused you sorrow by my letter, I do not regret it. Though I did regret it—I see that my letter hurt you, but only for a little while—yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as God intended and so were not harmed in any way by us. Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done. At every point you have proved yourselves to be innocent in this matter.”

What the Apostle Paul is saying here is that godly sorrow makes us think beyond ourselves to how our actions have hurt or affected other people and our relationship with God. We look past whatever consequences our actions caused us and want to do everything in our power to repent and seek forgiveness from God and the person we have hurt. This is why Paul says that godly sorrow brings life as we seek to be forgiven.

On the other hand, worldly sorrow brings death according to what Paul says in this verse. Due to fear of punishment as well as guilt, people of all ages will focus on the consequences that are happening to them because of their actions rather than how they’ve hurt God and the other person. This is worldly sorrow. Being afraid of punishment and rejection causes worldly sorrow. Also, feeling so guilty and bad about oneself that one feels that he/she deserves whatever punishment he/she has coming to him/her leads to worldly sorrow.

We need to do our best to use discipline instead of punishment so that our children don’t become selfish people who believe that it is perfectly acceptable to inflict pain on others.

No, young children are not selfish, but we sure can be!

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