Guest Post: What Happens When Children Become Numb To Their Fear And Alarm System By Hannah Klassen

August 22, 2016 Stephanie G. Cox, M.S.Ed

I’ve had this realization: When people are defending spanking and they commonly say that they never feared their parents, they are right. They didn’t and don’t feel the fear. The emotion is the energy and the feeling is the consciousness of that energy. They were numb to their fear, so since they can’t feel it, they make the assumption that it isn’t there.

So when we understand that when the brain perceives danger and alarm is activated in us, we are first to be moved to caution and if that isn’t possible, we are to be moved to tears and if that isn’t possible, we are to be moved by courage. When we become numb to our feelings of alarm, then instead of caution, we are moved to be reckless. You see that with children and adults who are adrenaline junkies, dare devils, and danger seekers. They are numb to their fear. Thus, they are called fearless.

Courage is not the absence of fear. It is the mix of fear and desire.

So when the parent becomes a source of alarm to a child, in order for the child to hold on to the relationship, the brain has to numb their fear. Which puts them in a dangerous position. Because what if they also put themselves in harms way with other people, because they can’t feel their alarm. So that little voice, that sensation that warns of danger, can’t be heard because they have become deaf to it.

Parents should never be a source of fear and alarm to a child! They need to be a source of safety. A place where natural fear and alarm can be, understood, supported, and empathized with.

Guest Post: Kinderen Van Mijn Hart (Children Of My Heart) By Hannah Klassen

October 27, 2015October 27, 2015 Stephanie G. Cox, M.S.Ed

They twist the words, thus, making us out to be fools. They are very good at their verbal gymnastics. I fall to the floor; the grief within my heart weighs down on me like a boulder. Tears flow down my cheeks, like a river. I weep for thousand years.

Oh, *Kinderen van mijn hart, they hurt you, and they confuse your minds, they make you believe that you deserved it, that it was love that drove them to do it. Oh my dear little ones, so young, so trusting, and they twist that and warp that.

Oh beloved Papa, the darkness consumes and devours, distorts and destroys. How dare they use Your name! How dare they say it’s Your will and Your command! For what they do is of great darkness. To wound a child like that. It is not just the body they harm, but also the heart, soul, spirit and mind. They say that they do it out love, but what kind of love would force a child into a helpless position and strike them, inflicting pain and fear?

While within their hearts, they have great love for their children, but what drives them to slap the buttocks is not love, but fear. It is fear that drives their hand. Fear of what will happen if they don’t. Fear of what others will think if they don’t. Fear of what God will do to them if they don’t.

Oh, what a twisted web of deception, those who sit on their thrones and tell us what to do, that their way is the right way. Why have we made them our “gods,” and obey them without question? They are mere humans, like us. So why do we take their words as if they are holy? Just because their kids appear to be wonderful, productive, and responsible citizens. We know that things aren’t always what they appear. How many times have horrible crimes become known and we cry out in shock, because we really bought the act that person was playing. We say, “how could they have done that?” They were such a good person and we list off all the things that we believe makes someone a good person.
Are spankings from God? Does spanking cause a child to fear? Is there fear in love or does love cast out fear? Does it cause a child, when they have done something wrong to lie, hide and escape a spanking? Does spanking soften a child’s heart or does it harden it, thus, they have less compassion for their sibling who gets spanked too? Does it produce life, light, and love? Does it produce peace, gentleness, kindness and compassion for others? What is the fruit of spanking?

“As I explained, and article explains, spanking isn’t violence! You obviously have no clue! My mother was spanked, her mother was spanked, I was spanked, I never felt threatened, I never felt unloved, I never felt abused, neither did my mom, or hers! And their generations where better behaved,more Morgan’s, respect and values, today people are raising spoiled rotten brats who feel privileged and manipulate and get bribed! That turns out thugs and brats! Spanking is not hitting, a big difference! Hitting is in anger, uncontrolled and teaches nothing.”

“It’s kids today who are more violent and harsh and less sympathetic! Back when I was a kid, kids where kind and we all got along, a bully was humiliated and kids stood up for bullied. The generations before where respectful and kind and had more values. Kids today are rude and brash,curse and ignore authority and rules!”

“And I work with kids! Even in early nineties/ late eighties they where better behaved! Today you can get cussed out and assaulted by a three year old! Oh….and mommy doesn’t spank so kid will never empathize because he doesn’t know what it feels like!”

When I read these words, my heart becomes broken. If this person is the posterchild for a properly spanked kid, then we all should weep until there are no more tears to shed. When Jesus was here on earth and was with people, who was the people He hung out with? The very people this person is calling names.

Our Papa does not see any of His children in this light. Yes, He sees all of our brokenness and wrongdoing. But, that doesn’t cause Him to despise us, rather, it moves His heart with compassion. Tears fall from His eyes, for He feels our pain and empathizes with our struggles. When we’ve really screwed up and feel like a piece of (expletive deleted), what does Papa do? He embraces us, holds us in His arms, and tells us over and over again that He will love us forever and ever and there is nothing we can do that will ever change that. He pours His love upon us, with eyes so soft and caring, with a face of such affection, this is our God, this is our Papa.

*Kinderen van mijn hart (children of my heart).

Guest Post: Pro-spankers And Their Verbal Gymnastics By Hannah Klassen

October 21, 2015October 21, 2015 Stephanie G. Cox, M.S.Ed

What so many pro-spankers fail to admit is what spanking truly is. They use all kinds of verbal gymnastics, to avoid explaining spanking as it really is.
The intent of the parent is to use physical pain to make misbehavior undesirable to the child. They say that the are motivated by love, and they believe that justifies their actions. Though, it will never change the fact that they are using their size and strength to put a child in a helpless position, so that they can slap the buttocks, thus causing enough pain and fear, in the hopes the child will never repeat the misbehavior again.

And that statement that they don’t leave a mark, how does one determine what that means. Is bruising, leaving a mark? Is causing redness, mean leaving a mark? Where is the line, and when does it cross into abuse?

I believe, while not all spankings can be classified as physical abuse, they all are a clear violation of a child’s physical boundaries. I would say that “loving” spankings would actually be more classed as psychological abuse, because it forces a child to choose between calling their parent out as a liar, or submitting to being hurt and forcing themselves to agree with their parents. And it’s even worse when parents bring God into it, saying that God commands them to do it. Thus the child wouldn’t just being going against their parents, but also God. That’s a very difficult position to put a child in. How many adults would be able to stand up and disagree, when the stakes are so high?