My sister-in- law sent me this meme, and I am forever grateful because I am going through a lot right now. I’m far from perfect, but I truly believe that this applies to ALL ages and ALL relationships.
I tell my story and advocate for those who don’t have a voice because I want my pain to do good. If my pain helps others, then it’s all worth it!
For my birthday, I got a beautiful hand tattoo which, is in and of itself, a major accomplishment for someone who has severe cerebral palsy, with the phrase, “No mud, no lotus.” I really wanted it on my hand in order to always be able to see it and take comfort in it.
This tattoo is especially meaningful to me after everything I’ve been through. There has been so much darkness and pain, and yet, I am growing and fighting my way to the light out of the mud. This phrase was part of a recent meditation session and it really hit me hard because that’s how I feel. I am growing and changing; doing my best to become a better person while acknowledging that I am far from perfect. I’m learning to love myself and get away from toxic relationships even when it hurts.
I’m trying to be like Christ without all the religious stuff. Without the mud (darkness and pain), there’s no beautiful lotus. I’m trying to get to the blooming flower and I AM getting there. There’s always going to be be pain and darkness throughout life, but it can always eventually turn into something beautiful!
For the Christ-followers, bad things happen in the world because sin and satan are in it. We are not born evil. God is the Author of only good things. Children really need to be taught this so they don’t think they are inherently bad or that God causes “bad things to happen.”
Since today is mental health awareness day, this morning’s meditation session was wonderful! I still struggle with anxiety and PTSD. This week has been especially rough for my bathroom anxiety.
It’s sad that physical pain is widely acknowledged and supported, but when it comes to mental health issues, there’s still a stigma which can, and often does, make people feel isolated and alone. Nobody expects you to “get over” physical illness or pain, but they certainly expect you to hurry up and “get over” emotional pain.
I truly believe emotional health begins at birth or even before. Children are able to pick up on our vibes. Therefore, they definitely require responsive, respectful care to be able to have a better chance at emotional health. After all, emotional health is just as crucial for a healthy society as physical health is.
This is a rough week for my husband and I as we commemorate the birthday of our sweet kitty on the 4th of July. He would have been 12. Then the 5th marks the first year since he went Home to Heaven. We love our animals like family, so this is hitting us harder than we expected.
The Bible says to endure hardship as discipline.
“You have not yet resisted to the point of shedding blood in your striving against sin; and you have forgotten the exhortation which is addressed to you as sons,
“My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord,
Nor faint when you are reproved by Him;
For those whom the Lord loves He disciplines,
And He scourges every son whom He receives.”
It is for discipline that you endure; God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom his father does not discipline? But if you are without discipline, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Furthermore, we had earthly fathers to discipline us, and we respected them; shall we not much rather be subject to the Father of spirits, and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them, but He disciplines us for our good, so that we may share His holiness. All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness” (Hebrews 12:4-11, NASB)
Unfortunately, many Christians take these verses to mean corporal punishment. But if you read the Proverbs section of this blog, it has nothing to do with spanking/hitting children or hitting anyone. It just means that growth and discipline is not always pleasant and easy.
And being a Christ-follower, I take to heart what Jesus said,
“Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful.”
(John 14:27, NASB).
After much research, and guidance from the Holy Spirit, I truly believe He that one of the many ways He does this is through His gift of cannabis, and the appropriate use of alcohol (see 1 Timothy 5:23, Ecclesiastes 9:7, and Psalm 104:14-15 also references cannabis). Of course, the Bible makes it clear not to get really drunk, but to relax and relieve some medical issues, alcohol use is perfectly fine and encouraged throughout the Bible. In fact, one of Jesus’ first miracles was turning water into wine at a wedding in John 2:1-11. Please see this post for a link to the use of cannabis during Biblical times.
Yes, we go through hardships throughout our lives and these hardships should make us grow—and grow closer to Him. I truly believe we should use discipline to help everyone grow, opposed to using punishment which keeps us stuck in the place we are in, no matter how old we are.
For example, children may appear to be growing despite being punished, but it’s really them learning to hide things from their parents in order to avoid getting punishment. For adults, such a punitive attitude and belief system can trap them in harmful legalism and toxic relationships. They can’t see Who Jesus really is—love.
My husband and I watched the movie Reincarnated about Snoop Dogg changing his life to one of peace and love. He went to Jamaica and he became a Rastafarian. While we don’t agree with some of the Rastafarian doctrine, we love the way they love all and respect all people no matter what they believe.
They use cannabis as both medicine and to grow closer to God. I have absolutely fallen in love with this song:
Yes, heartbreak will hopefully and eventually lead to growth. It is not God punishing us. It’s life. We, as Christ-followers, must learn and understand this. We must teach this to our children so they can truly grow in Christ.
One last thing about cannabis: I have severe cerebral palsy and use it medically for spasms, pain, anxiety, and PTSD. As the result of being blessed by this sacred plant, I truly believe I am growing in Christ. I’ve become more open to more encompassing love and grace. I am still very imperfect and make mistakes, but I am slowly getting better at loving others.
For years, I bought into the doctrine that marijuana is “evil.” It’s anything but. In fact, it allowed me sit here with fireworks going off next door, and I was not jumping as much and not being anxious about the next boom. I am looking forward to going to the fireworks on the 4th. I will be using cannabis, thereby remaining more clearly aware of and the Holy Spirit’s guidance and comfort to continue to deal with my heartbreak. I am hopeful that cannabis will continue to ease my spasms and other ailments. Yay for Cannabis!
As the line in the song says, “so raise a glass to the memories, set em free, and fill up all those ashtrays.”
In memory of Sara (January 27, 2007), Grandpa (May 2, 2016), my father-in-law (June 29, 2007), YP (July 5, 2017), Penelope (July 6, 2012), my mother-in-law (August 8, 2015), Sadie (October 6, 2011), and the rest of my loved ones in Heaven.
This is an especially difficult holiday season for us due to another loss of a loved one and my medical issues. I got the results of my MRI, and I now have to get the suspicious mass checked out that was discovered when I was hospitalized for a bowel blockage. My biopsy is scheduled for January 2, 2018.
So we’re dealing with fresh grief again and my anxiety level is really high right now. As I have said many times, children who are spanked/hit/abused have a higher chance of getting an anxiety disorder. I’m working on getting my anxiety under control. Not easy!
All this has me thinking about the first Christmas. My friend and I were discussing grief and how this Christmas doesn’t feel magical or joyful to either of us. One of my other friends got us a new small Christmas tree and scented candle to smell like a tree in order to change things up and make it a little less painful. We also got a new outside Christmas light.
There’s joy amidst the pain. Just like the first Christmas.
Imagine the emotional drama Mary and Joseph went through when Mary got pregnant with Jesus. How do you explain that to people who might not believe you that you are carrying God’s child and did nothing wrong? Thank the Lord, God explained to Joseph that he could still marry her after the Baby was born. He was going to divorce her.
They had so much joy in having God’s Son! How humbling it must have been for Mary. But she had to deal with everything that comes with normal pregnancy. And, again, how did she explain to people about the pregnancy?
Keep in mind that they were living in poverty and in tumultuous political times. Imagine having to travel by camel to register in their hometown of Bethlehem while being in the last stages of pregnancy. I can guarantee that Mary experienced pain which must have upset Joseph because he loved her and had to do his best to protect her and the Baby. That must have been a lot of pressure on him!
Yes, God was with them. But that doesn’t mean it was easy!
After arriving in Bethlehem, Mary went into labor. She didn’t have the Baby in a nice home or hospital. There was no room for them in the inn—both physically and emotionally—so she gave birth in a place where the animals were kept. It was not very sanitary or comfortable, making labor, which is no fun in and of itself, even more difficult.
But here comes Jesus Christ and there was great JOY!
“In the same region there were some shepherds staying out in the fields and keeping watch over their flock by night. And an angel of the Lord suddenly stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them; and they were terribly frightened. But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid; for behold, I bring you good news of great joy which will be for all the people; for today in the city of David there has been born for you a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. 12 This will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.” And suddenly there appeared with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying,
“Glory to God in the highest,
And on earth peace among men with whom He is pleased.”
When the angels had gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds began saying to one another, “Let us go straight to Bethlehem then, and see this thing that has happened which the Lord has made known to us.” So they came in a hurry and found their way to Mary and Joseph, and the baby as He lay in the manger. When they had seen this, they made known the statement which had been told them about this Child. And all who heard it wondered at the things which were told them by the shepherds. But Mary treasured all these things, pondering them in her heart. The shepherds went back, glorifying and praising God for all that they had heard and seen, just as had been told them” (Luke 2-20, NASB).
There was pain and joy. It wasn’t this totally joyful event for Mary and Joseph, yet, there was plenty of joy and rejoicing!
That was until King Herod found out about this Baby that people were coming to worship. How dare they worship a baby and call Him “King!” King Herod had a fit and ordered his men to kill all the male babies that were 2 or younger. There was a lot of screaming and weeping from parents who had their babies murdered for no reason. God told Joseph in a dream to take Jesus and Mary to Egypt until it was safe for them to return to Bethlehem (Matthew 2:16-18).
This meant another trip across the desert with the Baby. Jesus may have been a toddler by then. I know Jesus was completely without sin, but I truly believe that He behaved as a typical infant and toddler; crying and going through the typical developmental stages are not “sin” as many Christians believe. See more info here. He cried when He needed something such as a feeding, nap, diaper change, or just to be comforted. We all know how difficult it is to travel with a baby. And then they were in hiding until Herod died.
Yes, there was joy on the first Christmas but the reality is that it wasn’t all joy. There was plenty of pain, fear, stress, and confusion. God was there through it all, but due to sin in the world, He had to watch suffering too. Jesus chose pain over continuous joy in Heaven in order to save us from our sins.
Also, God didn’t rebuke or punish them for expressing their pain and frustration. He loved them and that’s what He still does with us. He suffers along with us and comforts us while correcting us gently when necessary.
We should do our best to be there for our children instead of punishing them. God does not punish us. Therefore, we should do our best to help our children instead of punishing them.
“Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow” (James 1:17 NASB).
We are going through some rough, scary things right now, but I know God is with me/us. He will see us through this painful, scary season and I am counting on next Christmas being more joyful. In the meantime, I continue to look for the moments of joy.
Every good thing comes from the Lord. If you too are going through some rough things this holiday season, please know that you’re not alone. God’s with you. Please try to find friends to help support you. It’s okay to change traditions if the old ones are too painful this year. We hope to get back into our traditions next Christmas. Whatever you need to do to find some joy and peace this Christmas, please do.
Please keep praying for me. Thank you so much!
Incidentally, I still have a very limited number of books if you want a signed copy for $10. Free shipping in the continental United States. Please contact me and we’ll work something out.
May everyone have a peaceful, blessed, and merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
I’ve dealt with a great deal of pro-spankers and EVERY time they emphatically insist that spanking is not hitting, and that, if done “correctly,” it is not abuse.
There are so many holes in these two arguments! First, spanking IS hitting! Let’s look at the definitions of “spank” and “hit”:
Spank:
1. Verb: “to strike (a person, usually a child) with the open hand, a slipper, etc., especially on the buttocks, as in punishment.”
2. Noun: “a blow given in spanking; a smart or resounding slap” (www.dictionary.com).
Hit:
1. Verb: “to deal a blow or stroke to.”
2. Verb: “to come into violent contact with” (www.dictionary.com).
Abuse:
“Abuse is defined as any thing that is harmful, injurious, or offensive. Abuse also includes excessive and wrongful misuse of anything” (Gulli & Nasser, 2002, http://www.ask.com/health/galecontent/abuse).
As we can clearly see, these three definitions are pretty similar. Because spanking and hitting is always intended to inflict pain on a child, it is covered under the definition of abuse. Pain means harm is being done to the body. The body uses pain to alert us that injury is either taking place or is about to take place.
There are many euphemisms used when speaking about corporal punishment, such as spank, whack, beat, whip, tap, smack, swat, paddle, physical discipline, correction, and slap. The need for euphemisms indicates a certain amount of denial within our society regarding the harm of inflicting physical pain on smaller human beings.
Hitting is never used to describe corporal punishment among those that support and practice it. The reality is that no matter how we try to make it sound nicer, we cannot spank without hitting the child with either an open hand or an object. It physically is the exact same action.
Second, every spank/hit causes physical and emotional pain even if it’s done “lovingly.” Love does not mitigate the emotional, psychological, or spiritual harm of physical punishment. In fact, it makes it worse!
“Many people believe that if a mother spanks her child, but is generally warm and affectionate toward her child, the spanking will not be harmful. The fact is, science does not support this cultural belief. We have known for some time that spanking is strongly linked to increased aggression in young children. Recent research in a study of over 3,000 children now shows that the warmth of the mother does not prevent the negative effects of spanking. This means children who are spanked are at much greater risk for being more aggressive – period. A mother’s warmth does not decrease the risk. Wow! How can that be?
It is important to understand what causes the increase in aggression. One obvious reason is, violence is being modeled and children are incredible mimics. Even more importantly, spanking interferes with proper development of the brain’s regulatory equipment, which develops in the first five years of life” (Peters, 2013, http://stopspanking.org/2013/06/25/maternal-warmth-doesnt-make-spanking-less-harmful/).
The fact is, being hurt by the people who are supposed to protect and love you is extremely traumatizing. Therefore, even if it’s done “correctly,” (I’ll never understand how one can “correctly” inflict pain on a child!) it still harms children emotionally. This fits the definition of abuse.
Also, I read a disturbing blog from a Christian pro-spanker about how she spanks/hits her infants and toddlers with paint brush sticks and will use a belt to spank/hit them when they’re older. She had her husband spank/hit her with a belt to see how it felt and said it wasn’t that painful. Many Christian pro-spanking advocates recommend parents “flick” themselves before spanking/hitting their children to make sure they don’t hit too hard. Yet, they say that the spanking must be painful in order to be “effective.”
I want to remind everyone that children’s bodies are usually much more sensitive and vulnerable than ours. What may not hurt YOU, will HURT the child. Not to mention the emotional and spiritual pain being inflicted on them by those who are suppose to love and protect them. Plus, we all have different tolerances for pain. What would hurt my husband a little would hurt me A LOT! Don’t use your pain tolerance to justify spanking/hitting your children.
Also, this news story shows children can be killed through being physically punished. Here are more horrific stories of children dying from being “lovingly” and calmly spanked/hit. What if the child has a high tolerance for pain? What if their wills don’t break? That’s when we see these deaths. Repeat spankings cause tissue to break down which can eventually enter the bloodstream and kill the child.
One last thing to consider is children with dark skin have to endure much more pain before bruises, welts, and abrasions are visible. This is not fair!
Yes, all spanking is hitting! And spanking is abuse! Period! If we can’t spank/hit adults or animals, why should we be able to spank/hit children? They are humans too!
Instead of spanking/hitting children, please use true discipline. That IS Biblical! Spanking/hitting is NOT Biblical whatsoever!
References:
Gulli & Nasser. (2002). Abuse. http://www.ask.com/health/galecontent/abuse.
Greven, P. (1992). Spare the Child. New York, NY: Vintage Books.
Peters, R. (2013). Maternal Warmth Doesn’t Make Spanking Less Harmful. http://stopspanking.org/2013/06/25/maternal-warmth-doesnt-make-spanking-less-harmful/.
Disciplining With Gentle Firmness 