Vulnerability – Disciplining With Gentle Firmness

I’m not pregnant and not adopting yet, but I have been thinking a lot about unconditional love and thought I would write this since it is almost Valentine’s Day and every child deserves true unconditional love.

Processed with MOLDIV

Dear my precious child,

I wanted you since I was a child myself and you are a dream come true. I promise to try to never make you feel unwanted. If I do, please tell me and I will make it right!

I will always love you unconditionally! Nothing will ever change that! If you ever question my love for you, I will do everything I can to help you feel my love for you!

I know I am going to make a million mistakes while we work together to get through this life but I promise to always apologize to you and truly mean it!

I will teach you how to handle your big feelings and I will always do my best to validate your feelings. I will have my own feelings and may mess up by not remaining calm, but I will always apologize for yelling or saying anything that hurt you. I hope you will always feel safe enough to see share all your feelings with me.

Yes, you will have appropriate limits and boundaries that you won’t always like. I will do my best to be appropriately flexible with you. Sometimes I will have to hold firm in the limit but I will always listen to you. If you want to do something differently, I will be open to that.

Our relationship will be built on mutual respect and trust. I will always apologize if I disrespect you or break your trust in me. Of course, the same will go for you too.

I will allow you to have self-expression as long as it’s not hurting anyone. I may not be into something you are, but I will never put you down for being yourself. Be yourself!

I will never ever punish you by hitting/spanking you, time-out, taking away your stuff arbitrarily, or shaming you. I will apologize if I do. There will be natural consequences for you and I will help you understand them.

You’re always welcome! I will want to see you! You always come first!

I will never manipulate you for any reason.

My precious child, this is a cruel world sometimes. You’re heart will be broken and my heart will break every time yours does. I am here for you. You will know how loved you are by me, your dad, your Heavenly Father, and others. It’s ok to protect yourself from toxic people and relationships. But please don’t lose your loving, vulnerable heart. It’s worth it to love. I will help you through this.

I won’t be a perfect mom. Just know that you are my world and I will do everything I can to love you as you deserve. You’re a beautiful person. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise!

Love you,

Mom

46E2F65D-8DC2-4E12-9752-A3532B817284

This is a short post but I had to write it. Overall, my emotional health has really improved since we adopted our new kitten, Samoset. He doesn’t replace YP, but he is sure helping us on a number of levels.

However, this has been a rough week for me due to the 8th being the third anniversary of my mother-in-law going Home and the 9th being the 15th anniversary of my abusive dad going Home and some really don’t like me talking about the abuse.

This post, which was written a couple of years ago, describes how it feels to go from honoring someone who never intentionally hurt me to acknowledging my dad’s going Home anniversary. I will write about the idea of labeling in a later post.

I always seem to make myself vulnerable to people as I am a very emotional person. Today’s meditation session on the Calm app was about being vulnerable with others and how it is a good thing. I really needed to hear that and it made me cry since I have been feeling vulnerable all week.

CEA80F44-C1D5-4B27-B58E-C0E08A67CD35

I will be honest, while I totally agree with this meme from the meditation session, it can be very easy to just shut down so people who prey on the vulnerable can’t hurt us. From conception to death, power hungry people love to prey on the vulnerable. Children especially. This fact makes me angry.

Except these power hungry people were usually hurt as children themselves which is why they behave the way they do. This is yet another reason why I advocate for the respectful treatment of children. Respected children usually grow up to be empathetic, loving, joyful, vulnerable, and resilient adults. They don’t need to have power over weaker beings or feel the need to act like they know everything.

I’m grateful that in spite of my pain and dealing with people who just don’t understand, I am able to stay vulnerable, empathetic, and loving. I’m far from perfect but I do my best to advocate in a respectful manner. I am learning how to become less reactive to people and respond. And I am also learning to love unconditionally from a distance to rid myself of the toxic relationships in my life.

I believe vulnerability is a gift from God. It also allows us to be humble and rest in the peace and joy of God. May we treat our most vulnerable with respect, empathy, and compassion.

“Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit” (Romans 15:13, NASB).

C7607539-6625-4E0A-A5A1-EDA85BEE317F