It’s imperative to teach our children the truth about Black history. It wasn’t easy for Black people, and it’s still not easy for them. Unfortunately, it’s only going to get harder for them again after so much progress. More progress is badly needed, but yet, we are going backwards instead of forward. Everyone is equal and deserve to be treated equally.
Some ways to teach children about Black history is to read books about prominent Black people who made a difference in the fight for equality. Read true accounts from slaves.
Watch movies and documentaries on the different aspects of Black History.
Talk to Black people and really listen to them.
Volunteer with Black people as well as other minorities.
Fight racism and discrimination against Black people.
Please don’t let the current regime teach children the exact opposite of what is true.
In all of these pictures I have a smile on my face. It was a beautiful day on July first after many days of extreme heat which returned the next day. I hate July! I actually always have because, due my severe cerebral palsy, I am extremely sensitive to loud noises. They make me jump whether I am aware that they are coming or not. Even if I know they are coming, I still get very anxious when trying to prepare for them. I used to get in trouble for not being able to handle fireworks as a child. Thanks to the calming benefit of cannabis, I am now able to enjoy them more.
Nowadays there’s another reason why I hate July. We lost the sweetest baby boy kitty during the first week of July. This year marks 7 years since he crossed the rainbow bridge. His birthday is on the 4th. This year we don’t have his “sister,” Patches, who always made it a wee bit easier. I woke up hysterically crying this morning because the three kitties who had given me unconditional love are in Heaven. Sara, my childhood kitty, is the third kitty.
What does all of this have to do with July and Disability Pride Month? A lot considering the way I, as a person with a disability, have been treated my whole life. The Americans with Disability Act was finally passed in July of 1990. I was eight going on nine-years-old when it was passed. I had to go across town to a school that was wheelchair accessible and had a Special Ed program. Not every school was accessible or had a Special Education program to care for the disabled. There was a school just blocks from my house but it wasn’t accessible to me.
I have had to overcome so many obstacles in my life due to society having stereotypes about the disabled. In fact, before the 1980s, people would complain about people with disabilities being in public spaces because “they were disturbing the other people.” For me it was people staring at me as well as the people who said that I wouldn’t amount to anything. I had to prove myself to them over and over due to their perception of me.
While the Americans with Disabilities Act is meant to protect people with disabilities from discrimination and make sure that public places are accessible for everyone, the reality is that it is only the minimum that is required to make society accessible to those who are disabled.
Enter Covid over four years ago. Did you know that six out of ten people with disabilities died of Covid in the height of the pandemic? Some people with disabilities were placed in Hospice care for Covid because the medical community was overwhelmed with the sheer volume of patients and the fact that the disabled are more work for them to give care, as well as the belief that their/our lives are not as “rich” as typical people.
This is tragic. Now we have a society where people with disabilities are being left behind due to the misinformation that Covid is no longer a major threat. Society will not allow the disabled to be a part of it because we need masking and prevention measures. Our population is still one of the hardest hit by Covid even though we are seen on television acting like we have moved on. Some have and that’s causing complications for those who are not able to risk getting Covid.
So yes, I have a smile on my face in these pictures, but my heart is broken over the loss of dear loved ones that accepted and loved me no matter what. And the reality is that society truly has zero empathy and value for my life and others like me. If it did, I wouldn’t have to be isolated from it similar to those people preceding the Americans with Disabilities Act.
Inclusivity means being willing to do whatever it takes to make sure everyone is able to participate. Even if it means a little sacrifice for this to happen. In every public place, there are people who would like to be there but aren’t because it’s literally life and death. Even with all the shots. I can’t swallow Paxlovid and it’s not supposed to be crushed or broken. I would have to go to the hospital and hopefully get the IV antiviral medication. I would probably be sick enough to require hospitalization because I always get bronchitis when I get the flu.
I end this with an update on my children’s book. I was going to release it in March for Cerebral Palsy Awareness Month but our cat, Patches, got sick in February and I didn’t yet have a good way to try to protect myself and my husband from Covid. A woman in our Covid support group recommended that I try a “Readimask.” She once babysat for a child with cerebral palsy and understood about the associated spasms, movements, and different mouth movements when talking. The Readimask is a N95-rated mask that utilizes an adhesive rather than straps to snugly fit to one’s face. It’s the only mask that’s stayed on my face. Despite being able to mask, I still have to be extremely careful with what we do. Masks work well. They work even better when others are also wearing them.
With the fact that Patches crossed the rainbow bridge on March 28th after a short but horrific battle with what we now believe was a brain tumor that was affecting her jaw, combined with the stigma and unwillingness of people masking, and my emotional health being at an all-time low, I am hoping to try to release it in March of 2025. I am terrified that Donald Trump will be re-elected, thereby continuing the divisive hatred and intolerance he intensified throughout his first term as President. There is so much to my life and that, without the help and support from the community, people with disabilities such as myself, and other minorities are going to suffer even more.
Also, since the book was written long before Covid, I needed to be true to myself and add a page about what my life is like now. I don’t get to do all the things I used to do. Everything takes even more planning.
This Disability Pride Month I wish for peace, kindness, empathy for others, and accessibility to society.
Happy World CP Day! I’m discovering that aging with CP is hard. A lot more pain than I expected. However, I think back on my birth story and how I didn’t breathe for 40 minutes. The doctors almost let me go but my dad wouldn’t let them give up. Don’t go thinking my dad was a hero and I don’t know why parents would treat a child like me the way my parents treated me at times, but 42 years later, I’m still alive, married, and have my Master’s degree. I’m an author. I’m so much more than what people give/gave me credit for.
Cerebral Palsy is the most common lifelong disability in the world, and yet, we still don’t have federal funding for research on it. Many of my doctors have to be told more about it from me. And there’s limited resources available once one becomes an adult.
In the documentary, “Crip Camp,” it was revealed that back when Polio was still disabling children, “the Polios” were above “the CPs” because people who had Polio looked “more normal than the CPs.” It is crazy how much we still have to advocate and fight for ourselves. I truly feel like we are going backwards right now with the disability community because 6 out of 10 people with disabilities have died of Covid. It’s so scary to think people are okay with this and even want to not have to look at or deal with people like me because we’re so different and we need a lot more help to live.
I have an announcement regarding my new children’s book, My Name Is Steph. SEE ME! Please watch the following video that I made.
I hope I can get back out there and get this children’s book out to fight eugenics and other ableist things that even without Covid we still have to deal with daily.
How many of you are aware that July is Disability Pride Month? I only found out a couple of years ago. We hear all about the different minority groups months and diseases, yet, we don’t hear about the disabled unless we know someone who’s disabled or loves someone with a disability. Disabilities affect more people than we realize, and yet, we are still ignored for the most part.
I don’t think I have ever felt ashamed of my cerebral palsy. Yes, I have wished that I didn’t have it at times, but I don’t focus on it. Unfortunately, I have felt shame vibes at times from my family, not from my grandpa though. I do get self-conscious at times despite giving the air of confidence.
In fact, I will be honest about my intense anxiety about my book coming out because it has become a totally different world from when I first wrote it. I’m wanting to get out there with my book but I have to still worry about Covid in a society that is so quick to move on and accept that the vulnerable people may still be hospitalized or die from it. I’m afraid of all the eugenics going on in the world right now, especially the right wing cult…But the fact that even the people who used to take precautions against Covid have stopped is unknowingly spreading the eugenics. Why? Because people who are afraid of what the virus may do to our already unique bodies are even more left behind by society. Yet, I listen to the Calm app and I focus on what I have to do to protect myself from the hate as well as find people who are willing to work with me for in-person events. If people are not willing to mask and work with me, then they don’t deserve to meet me.
I believe that I have to keep educating people about disability. We need to put disability in the foreground because all the rights that are being seriously threatened by the right wing are just a preclude for more disability rights and help being taken away too. I challenge you to look into disability history. I challenge you to see how much adaptive equipment for the disabled costs. It’s not easy to get the help we need.
My cerebral palsy is a part of me. I’m proud of myself for fighting through all the battles I have fought and will continue to fight until I die. I’m disabled and I am proud to be who I am and see things that others are too busy to stop and see.
It’s been a while since I’ve written a blog post. This is due to the fact that I have been busy working with a wonderful illustrator that has finally completed the illustrations for my children’s book about my life with severe cerebral palsy. This was a very traumatic experience for me as “friends” wouldn’t finish the book’s illustrations in a timely manner. I was able to raise the money back with GoFundMe and the book is completed! George Franco is an amazing illustrator. I’m beyond grateful for his work and commitment to the project!
As I have written in previous posts, the book is based upon my life with severe cerebral palsy. We used actual photos of me both as a child and adult in order for the illustrations to show how I require very specific seating and care. It also shows how, with the help of my family and friends, I can overcome most obstacles to do what I want. It might look different but there’s usually a way around things.
I have yet to see any other picture books that accurately portray severe cerebral palsy. That’s why I wrote this book and was very specific about the illustrations showing how my wheelchair always has a lot of support to hold me in the proper sitting position as I can’t sit up on my own at all. I would fall right out of a standard wheelchair.
In the current environment of a group of people who are hateful toward anyone who doesn’t stand/measure up to their “agendas,” it is even more important to have a book that is all inclusive. It has every race, ethnicity, ability, and gender in it. I believe it is vital to fight for equality for human equality! Everyone is human and we are all equal!
I also want children like me to have a book that is inspiring to them. I want a child with any severe disability, especially those with cerebral palsy, to know that there’s hope. Even if the adults around them are telling them they will never achieve their goals and dreams, they can look at my book and just keep fighting for what they want to achieve!
Compassion is something that is in short supply in society today, and yet, there are many compassionate people out there who are advocating for people who are being oppressed and treated horribly by the new right-wing movement. It’s truly scary. The most abused children are often either disabled or in the LBGTQ+ communities. I want to stop this abuse from happening. I want today’s children to be taught compassion and kindness for all!
Unfortunately, Covid is still a problem for many in the disability community. We often have reduced lung capacity, asthma, and other health issues that are still making it more likely that we would get severe Covid and potentially die. Most of us are up-to-date on the Covid vaccines but some of us, such as myself, can’t swallow Paxlovid because the pills are too large and can’t be crushed. People are moving on from Covid and just don’t think about those of us are still going to great lengths to avoid getting it until there are better vaccines and treatments available for everyone to take and be okay. While my book is about my life pre-Covid, I still hope to use it to help people who are willing to truly listen and understand in order to be more aware of the vulnerable. I cling to hope that I will be able to live my life as I did prior to the pandemic someday soon.
Teaching children accurate information about disability is crucial in keeping society inclusive to all. Here are some examples of how to teach children about disability:
Instead of telling children not to stare, talk about how cool the wheelchair is or how incredible it is to walk with crutches. Point out how the person is also alike. For example, “It looks like her favorite color is green.”
When children ask “What’s wrong with him/her,” tell them that nothing is wrong with the person. The person just has a different body and/or brain and this is okay! We are all different and unique.
With Covid, please stand a certain distance from the person and ask him/her if you and your children may ask a few questions. I love answering questions from children! I also want adults to ask me questions instead of just assuming things about me that may or not be true.
Watch TV shows and movies about/featuring people with disabilities. Some examples of TV shows and movies are Speechless, Born This Way, Love on the Spectrum, As We See It, My Left Foot. Just search any streaming service and you’ll find all sorts of great shows and movies about and/or with people with disabilities. Some are more appropriate for younger audiences, of course, than others, but it’s important to let children learn about disability.
Read books about disabilities. There are tons of books for every age about different disabilities.
Love over hate is the goal we’re aiming for. Equality is also the aim. Nobody is better than anyone else; we all have human blood running through our veins!
I will keep you posted on when my new children’s book is available. Thank you so much to everyone who donated to my GoFundMe campaign last year!
The night I wrote the following post was World Kindness Day. There’s so much hate going on in the world that we must commit to instilling kindness in our children for a better future. I am truly afraid of what the world will become if kindness and compassion don’t prevail.
1) Be kind yourself.
Children are constantly watching us from the moment they are born even when we don’t think they are. Let them see you open the door for people, smiling at all kinds of people, giving to people in need. Also, be kind to your children and apologize when you are unkind. We are all human beings that make mistakes.
2) Affirm acts of kindness.
When the baby hands you something, smile at him/her and thank the baby. Tell the baby how kind he/she is. Point out when your child does something kind without being asked such as, cleaning up, helping a sibling, or helping friends. Tell children how their kindness affects people even if it’s something small. For example, “Your sister looked so happy when you gave her your toy to play with.” The more you affirm kindness, the more children will continue to be kind.
3) Regularly participate in events that help people and animals.
Take your children shopping for other children. Donate to different causes. Go help at your local animal shelters. By participating in different events and fundraisers, you allow children to give back to others that need help. This also teaches gratitude for what they have.
4) Teach children about people who are different.
This is so critical for instilling kindness in children. Teach and expose them to all different races and ethnicities, LBGTQ+, people with disabilities. We must understand that all people are equal and they deserve kindness. The more children are taught to accept and embrace different people, the more likely that they will help these people and stick up for them instead of bullying and oppressing them.
5) Teach mindfulness to help them regulate their emotions.
Children, especially young children, have a hard time regulating their emotions, so it’s up to us to help them learn how to regulate them. We do this by naming the emotions that they are experiencing. For example, “You’re really angry. Let me help you. Here’s a pillow to kick.” Also, help the child to take some big breaths in and out. Doing a calming visual can also help calm the children down so you can teach them how to do better once they are calm and able to really hear you.
Children deserve kindness no matter what. This world is getting worse and worse because the media, especially social media, are fueling hate. I highly recommend limiting your time on social media. We can fight back by being kind and teaching kindness every day.
With the current laws being enacted in Florida and Texas as well as other conservative states to stop the LBGTQ+ community from being able to live their lives, it got me thinking about how I used to believe some of the same things until I started really listening to these people. I have many friends in this community now and I am heartbroken over how they are treated.
Many LBGTQ+ children are kicked out of the house when they come out to their parents. Some are subjected to horrible “conversion therapy” to try to “convince” them that they are not gay or transgender. These children are very likely to be abused and murdered by their family or people in the community who don’t want to understand that they are people too.
“Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning (LGBTQ) young people are over-represented in foster care, where they are more likely to experience discrimination, abuse, neglect and the risk of harm. A 2019 study found 30.4 percent of youth in foster care identify as LGBTQ and 5 percent as transgender, compared to 11.2 percent and 1.17 percent of youth not in foster care.”
In Texas, a law was recently passed making it “child abuse” for parents to give their transgendered children care that would allow them to have the body that their brain is telling them they are. As of now, a judge has partially blocked the law. I believe that the exact opposite is true. It is abusive NOT to allow these children to have the gender affirming medical care they require. They are at a high risk of suicide for not being allowed to have transitional gender affirming medical care and psychotherapy.
People like to shrug off the suicide issue of transgender children, but according to Forbes from 2021, “52% of all transgender and nonbinary young people in the U.S. seriously contemplated killing themselves in 2020. More than half thought it would be better to be dead, rather than trying to live with rejection, isolation, loneliness, bullying and being targeted by politicians and activists pushing anti-trans legislation.”
These children have to deal with so much discrimination from conservative policymakers. They are banned from using the correct bathrooms with which they identify. What do we think happens when a trans girl is forced to use the boys’ bathroom and vice versa? They look like the gender with which they identify.
And banning them from playing on the team of the gender with which they identify because people think they have an advantage over the other team is wrong. We might as well ban anyone “different” from playing sports because I can guarantee that transgender children don’t have any advantage over their peers. Everyone is talented in different ways!
Finally, the so-called “Don’t Say Gay” law in Florida enacted by Governor DeSantis is horrible! As an early childhood professional, sex and gender identity isn’t a main topic in the curriculum unless we have a child with gay parents or a child who is struggling with this issue. These children deserve support and compassion. Teachers need to teach children to accept these differences. The LBGTQ+ community is in no way trying to get children to be something that they’re not. They are just trying to get acceptance and support to stop the horrible discrimination they face daily. I believe in having developmentally appropriate discussions and books that include the LBGTQ+ community in the classroom.
I am so grateful that President Biden is taking action to try to help protect everyone in the LBGTQ+ community by taking executive action to stop the use of conversion therapy and help keep the rights and lives of this group as safe as possible. The amount of bigotry from the religious, right wing is absolutely disgusting! And it’s only getting worse!
There’s another group of children and adults who live with a higher than average risk of being abused: The disabled.
“Child abuse and neglect is reported in 3% to 10% of the population with disabilities. The rate of child abuse and neglect is at least 3 times higher in children with disabilities than in the typically developing population.”
Children with disabilities have higher needs and require more care. They often have unique behavioral issues that typical children don’t. For some children with disabilities, these behaviors may last well into adulthood because their brains aren’t able to mature like typical people. They are so reliant on others for care and help that they are prime candidates for all types of abuse.
As someone with a severe disability, I can attest to the abuse. I was physically, verbally, and emotionally abused by my dad because I couldn’t control my muscles. I was emotionally and verbally abused by other family members and people at school. Just because life with a child who is disabled can be very stressful and frustrating at times doesn’t excuse abuse.
Like LBGTQ+ children, there’s a stigma that comes along with being disabled. We live in an ableist world. For a long time, people with disabilities, starting in young childhood, were locked up in institutions and forgotten. These institutions were absolutely horrible and many children died from abuse and inadequate care. There even used to be laws that prohibited people with disabilities from being in society. Similarly with the LBGTQ+ community, the disabled have a higher risk of being murdered.
As the article above points out, many religious groups believe that disabilities are due to “sin,” thus, causing people to treat them badly and abuse them. Let me be clear: No disability is due to sin!
Another thing that the article on ableism points out is that the medical community often treats the disability as a “problem.” But people with disabilities have absolutely nothing “wrong” with them. They are just different and deserve quality medical care, and yet, they often don’t receive it. The cost of medical care is even higher than that of typical people and people with disabilities also usually require adaptive equipment and therapy to be able to live the best life they can!
Unfortunately the Americans with Disabilities Act hasn’t helped all that much because most public places only do the minimum requirements. Many employers don’t want to have the responsibility of helping people with disabilities work in their work places. And people with disabilities don’t get “free money.” If they are on SSI, they can only have $2,000 if they are single and $3,000 if married. We’re trying to get this changed.
Being told by parents, teachers, employers, and society in general that “You’re worthless, a burden, a problem, a liability, and your life doesn’t matter” leads to isolation, anxiety, depression, and suicide.
Covid has really bought out just how ableist the world is, especially the United States. Many people feel that their lives are more important than others who are still vulnerable to serious consequences of getting Covid. It’s all-too-often just laughed at while believing that it is perfectly fine for people who are high risk to remain locked up for the rest of their lives. This is going back to the days when children and adults were forced to remain locked up and out of society. This is abuse!
There is no excuse for abuse of any child or adult, especially if they are different. We are all equal and worthy no matter our race, gender, sexual orientation, ethnicity, and/or disability. We need to stop going backwards and start moving forward to become a kinder, more accepting world. No child should be hurt. It is also abuse and ableist to expect any child to be someone that he/she isn’t or to expect children to be able to do things that they are not yet able to do!
March is Cerebral Palsy (CP) Awareness Month and the butterfly is the symbol for it. It makes sense because we are butterflies but our wings are usually clipped by society. Sure, we have limitations. For me, I have a lot of limitations because of my CP but I don’t like to focus on them. I like to live life. However, I have seen just how much humanity can clip wings with their ableist views on a virus that is killing people, especially us with cerebral palsy, who are high risk due to the muscles in our mouths, throats, and core that negatively affect swallowing and breathing. Even though I have become a “shut-in,” I truly try not to think about what I can’t do. It’s a bit harder, but this is not something that I choose to feel sorry for myself.
I do, however, try to relate to people why we are the way we are in this current situation. I require care 24/7. My husband does it all with zero help even if he is really sick or really hurting. He has no choice. Here’s a post I wrote about cerebral palsy last year.
It isn’t just now that society has clipped my wings. I had to prove myself from Day One. They didn’t think I would live (and really, I shouldn’t have with not breathing for 40 minutes), and if I did, I wouldn’t amount to much. I was in the NICU for almost two weeks.
Growing up, I had to prove myself to teachers and my peers. I was always the first person with severe cerebral palsy to do anything. I was finally allowed to be in regular classes when I was in 3rd grade. Even into college and grad school, I had to prove that with the correct accommodations, I could successfully complete the early childhood education program.
Even though I have spent most of my 40 years in school to have a career helping children and families, I still have not been able to get that career going like my peers have and I do have some shame and anger about this. But I’m refusing to give up.
Also, most people have no idea that the adaptive equipment I need isn’t cheap. It’s extremely expensive and I remember my parents fighting with their insurance companies that I had a medical need for a toilet chair or a bath chair or a wheelchair. Now I’m forced to pay for these things out of pocket and I had to have a Go Fund Me for my wheelchair in 2014 after my 19-year-old chair was so worn that the plastic was hurting me with no more padding.
There’s so much of my life that people don’t see and I want to be seen as a competent person who has unique needs. I still have to prove that I am a competent person because some people automatically assume that I am intellectually disabled. I love how children freely ask me questions and want to understand what is going on. Young children don’t judge me. They are curious. Older children can become bullies and I want to prevent that. Then there are a lot of “little me’s” that need another book that they can read and look at the pictures.
For me, growing up, the only book that I could relate to was called, Howie Helps Himself. The only problem was that they had him in a standard wheelchair, and at the end of the book, Howie pushes the wheels of his wheelchair to make it move. It kind of made me feel bad because I never was able to push myself.
My book shows my wheelchairs with my supports. It shows how I am able to do some of the same things that everyone else can do like love and feel and be a friend. It also shows real life things that I deal with every day such as knocking stuff over, being fed, falling over and needing help to get back up, people treating me as a “child.”
I truly believe that this book will help teachers and families teach children about disabilities and differences as well as similarities. It will also give hope to children with cerebral palsy as well as their parents and families.
Unfortunately, people like me are prey for people who think they can manipulate and use me until they reveal their true colors to me and I, and they, walk away. Thus, I have been ripped off twice now trying to get the book illustrated. I am an honest, caring, trusting person and I paid for each illustration as I approved them. All of the illustrators were people we felt close to and truly trusted. Lesson learned.
For Cerebral Palsy Awareness Month, I am asking for more people to help open butterfly wings by participating in a CP Awareness Month Facebook event and to please share as well as donate to my Go Fund Me page to keep raising the money we’ve lost in order to pay my new illustrator. I don’t know the illustrator and the contract is extremely specific. I have learned to guard my heart and my wings because I’m a free spirit. The illustrator will be paid after everything is completed and approved.
I want to open more wings despite the limitations.
March was Cerebral Palsy (CP) Awareness Month and April was Child Abuse Awareness Month, and I have been wanting to write this post for a while now. This post will cover CP and abuse and mental health issues as May is Mental Health Awareness Month.
Cerebral palsy is a neurological disorder that affects the brain causing difficulty in movement. It can be mild, affect one side of the body, or severe. I have severe cerebral palsy and I can’t physically take care of myself at all. I didn’t breathe for 40 minutes after I was born and they almost gave up on me. I was in the NICU for a couple weeks and I wasn’t expected to live. But I did! I will be 40 in September!
But the lack of oxygen caused the brain damage that led to the CP. I can’t control my muscles and have spasms which are involuntary contractions of the muscles and involuntary movements. I am typical cognitively. I type with my nose and write books and these posts with my nose. My children’s book about my life with CP will hopefully be out at the end of the year. Getting the right illustrators has been hard but I finally found the perfect people to do it and they are doing a wonderful job with it!
Having a severe physical disability is hard but I refuse to let it ruin my life. I am a survivor and I hate pity! I crave acceptance and to be seen as a person! Sadly, many people are not able to see the real me. They see me as a child or subhuman instead of a competent person. I am so much more than my disability.
I prefer person-first language. I am a person with a disability, not a “disabled person.” I am a person with cerebral palsy! I refuse to be defined by my disability. Words like “handicapped,” “cripple,” “retard,” and “spaz” are very offensive to the disability community. We are people who deserve respect and rights and support. But again, despite making progress in this country, some people just refuse to accept and see us.
Children with disabilities are more likely to be abused and bullied. I was. Children that didn’t know me would make fun of me at school. I was also physically, mentally, emotionally, and verbally abused by my parents. As I have written in another blog post, I truly believe that both parents are/were narcissistic which is confusing because they did fight for me for the services that I needed and did care for and loved me, but there was also abuse at home. Some of the abuse that I experienced I recently found out through professional therapy that it was abuse and that I wasn’t protected like I should have been and have been put down even through adulthood. I am now protecting myself from those people and my husband does a wonderful job with helping me.
What is sad is that in a Facebook group my abuse was questioned by some of the parents and these parents claimed that adults with CP are harder on parents. There’s no evidence that this is the case and all the people I know with CP have wonderful relationships with their parents because they weren’t abused by them. Never ever question the abuse of someone!!
Due to the lack of being able to do what typical children and adults are able to do combined with the abuse and trauma I have suffered, I battle anxiety, CPTSD, PTSD, and depression every day. Sometimes I have it pretty together and other times it is a struggle. The pandemic has heightened everything and I am struggling to get out of it again. I will though. Therapy is helping me.
Having CP is just something I live with like my mental health issues. I try to use my pain to help people. If I can stop one child from being hit or otherwise abused, I will keep advocating and educating people who are willing to learn. My pain and abuse doesn’t define me either but it is something that I live with.
I wish there was more acceptance for people with disabilities and mental health issues. I also wish that people understood that how we treat children will affect their mental health. If one isn’t a white, rich man, it’s still hard to get along in this society and this must change. There should be no stigma for the abused, people with disabilities, or people with mental health issues.
Let’s raise our children to be more aware and accepting. I hope my children’s book that will hopefully be out by the end of the year will help with creating a more zombie accepting world.
How many things are truly unconditional? It’s almost Christmas and we tell children that Santa will bring them presents if they are good. We put Elf on the shelf so that they know he is watching them for Santa. I know that some families play games with this toy but many people don’t.
Love is supposed to be unconditional but it often demands things from others or it’s removed when the child misbehaves—no matter how old he/she is. Christian doctrine teaches that God is love but one must say the “right prayer” to avoid going to “Hell.” I feel like true unconditional love is rare. I have seen both in my life and now it’s even more apparent with the pandemic. Love for our neighbors means doing everything we can to protect them from COVID-19 by wearing masks, social distancing, washing hands frequently, and staying home for Christmas with immediate family.
And children should have presents just because they are loved; not because they were good. The real St. Nick gave to the poor and helped the oppressed because he was kind and loving. He didn’t expect anything from them. Here’s a wonderful video on the history of Santa.
Have you ever just given something to someone without telling anyone or given something to a complete stranger who needs help? These have been the most rewarding experiences for me. This is loving people unconditionally.
I believe that respect is earned but love is not. Love, especially for children, should never ever be earned. This doesn’t mean that we have to be involved with toxic people. Love them by walking away from them.
I understand that some people have very high-needs children and it is really hard but they should love their children for who they are. Speaking from my own experience of being a very high-needs child as well as having a parent ask in a Facebook group about what to do to prevent damage from not being able to meet every single need, I believe that it is more important to explain to the child that we are trying our best and validate the child.
However, coming from an abusive, narcissistic home and struggling to come to terms with my own mother being narcissistic and and that she will never be able to be a good mom to me, what hurts is parents not talking about it in a healthy way. I have severe cerebral palsy and even my husband can’t meet every emotional need I have and sometimes he gets frustrated which is human but it triggers me. The difference is that he is truly trying and admits to his shortcomings. I do the same.
But with narcissistic parents, they don’t care and won’t admit that they are falling short. In these cases and other abusive situations, the love is not unconditional. I think as long as one has a good connection with his/her child and teaches healthy coping skills, the child may need help later on in life, but he/she shouldn’t have the same amount of pain and damage that us who were abused by our narcissistic parents have.
Accepting that one’s child is different than the parent is unconditional love. When this happens and children have very different personalities than the parents, the best thing that parents can do is accept it and support the children. Get involved with at least one activity that the child enjoys. And share each other’s interests with each other knowing that it’s ok to be so different. Yes, it is hard at times but the key is to validate and accept.
This Christmas, with so many people sick and dying from COVID-19, let’s remember the little Baby that came to Earth to try and teach us what unconditional love is. Or if you don’t celebrate Christmas, please think about how you can make this world better by loving people instead of being selfish.
Have a peaceful Holiday season. We remember all who we lost this year. May 2021 eventually be a better year!
Disciplining With Gentle Firmness 