Category: empathy

Compassion in Tough Times

Stephanie G. Cox, M.S.Ed

I have been meaning to write a post for a while now about everything that is happening in this country and world.

I am beyond angry and disgusted that this current regime has been allowed to seize power over our country. I have witnessed the increasing amount of hate being spewed in every direction. This is tragic for our children, who are witnessing everything. They are learning that hate is acceptable, which is not the case.

Now the children face a very uncertain future. The reality is that COVID is negatively impacting their lives and the people who care for them. They also face the reality that they may not be able to have the vaccines that they need to live a long, healthy life. Their education is at risk. Even their food security is more uncertain than it’s ever been in recent history.

This is especially true for those with disabilities as the laws that help these children and adults be able to get their education are being destroyed. The minority groups that already struggle with poverty and equal access to education and services are now going to suffer because of the bill that was passed in order to take away funding for critical services such as healthcare, food stamps, Social Security are being cut in an unprecedented way.

I’m so sad for our children and the children and families around the world that are being affected by wars and now cuts to foreign aid programs that provide food, medicine, medical care, and other assistance.

The rich want what they want. They want the poor and middle class gone. They want babies to be born but not given the opportunity to live great lives.

The saddest part is that conservative Christians are celebrating this. They are celebrating the fact that transgender children are not receiving the education care they deserve and need. They are celebrating the fact that anti-vaccine individuals are attempting to rewrite research on vaccines that have been extensively researched and proven safe and effective. They are celebrating the fact that the most vulnerable are having their critical care taken away by wealthy and narcissistic individuals.

I hear fireworks going off and I feel so sad and angry. We’re literally losing our democracy and people are celebrating.

Jesus said to “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another” (John 13:34, NIV).

There’s no love in taking away from the needy and the vulnerable. There’s no love in spewing hate!

This is why I no longer identify as a “Christian.”

It’s only in the true service to others that we can achieve Heaven on Earth. No agenda. No need for any evangelizing or trying to “save” people. Just standing side by side with people who need help.

I’m afraid of a world where children are growing up in the hatred that has consumed the country; especially when it comes from “Christians.”

Teach children love even in these tough times. Help each other as much as possible. Resist the culture of hate and fear that makes the current regime and its followers feel so powerful. In the end, they won’t win if each of us do our part in helping each other and resisting the current regime.

Celebrating Black History Month

Stephanie G. Cox, M.S.Ed

It’s imperative to teach our children the truth about Black history. It wasn’t easy for Black people, and it’s still not easy for them. Unfortunately, it’s only going to get harder for them again after so much progress. More progress is badly needed, but yet, we are going backwards instead of forward. Everyone is equal and deserve to be treated equally.

Some ways to teach children about Black history is to read books about prominent Black people who made a difference in the fight for equality. Read true accounts from slaves.

Watch movies and documentaries on the different aspects of Black History.

Talk to Black people and really listen to them.

Volunteer with Black people as well as other minorities.

Fight racism and discrimination against Black people.

Please don’t let the current regime teach children the exact opposite of what is true.

Source: https://www.facebook.com/@gay.equality.5/

Disability Pride, Inclusion, and Grief

Stephanie G. Cox, M.S.Ed
Celebrating July being Disability Pride Month.

In all of these pictures I have a smile on my face. It was a beautiful day on July first after many days of extreme heat which returned the next day. I hate July!  I actually always have because, due my severe cerebral palsy, I am extremely sensitive to loud noises. They make me jump whether I am aware that they are coming or not. Even if I know they are coming, I still get very anxious when trying to prepare for them.  I used to get in trouble for not being able to handle fireworks as a child. Thanks to the calming benefit of cannabis, I am now able to enjoy them more.

Nowadays there’s another reason why I hate July.  We lost the sweetest baby boy kitty during the first week of July. This year marks 7 years since he crossed the rainbow bridge. His birthday is on the 4th. This year we don’t have his “sister,” Patches, who always made it a wee bit easier. I woke up hysterically crying this morning because the three kitties who had given me unconditional love are in Heaven.  Sara, my childhood kitty, is the third kitty.

What does all of this have to do with July and Disability Pride Month?  A lot considering the way I, as a person with a disability, have been treated my whole life.  The Americans with Disability Act was finally passed in July of 1990. I was eight going on nine-years-old when it was passed. I had to go across town to a school that was wheelchair accessible and had a Special Ed program. Not every school was accessible or had a Special Education program to care for the disabled.  There was a school just blocks from my house but it wasn’t accessible to me.

I have had to overcome so many obstacles in my life due to society having stereotypes about the disabled. In fact, before the 1980s, people would complain about people with disabilities being in public spaces because “they were disturbing the other people.” For me it was people staring at me as well as the people who said that I wouldn’t amount to anything. I had to prove myself to them over and over due to their perception of me.

While the Americans with Disabilities Act is meant to protect people with disabilities from discrimination and make sure that public places are accessible for everyone, the reality is that it is only the minimum that is required to make society accessible to those who are disabled.

Enter Covid over four years ago. Did you know that six out of ten people with disabilities died of Covid in the height of the pandemic? Some people with disabilities were placed in Hospice care for Covid because the medical community was overwhelmed with the sheer volume of patients and the fact that the disabled are more work for them to give care, as well as the belief that their/our lives are not as “rich” as typical people. 

This is tragic. Now we have a society where people with disabilities are being left behind due to the misinformation that Covid is no longer a major threat. Society will not allow the disabled to be a part of it because we need masking and prevention measures.  Our population is still one of the hardest hit by Covid even though we are seen on television acting like we have moved on. Some have and that’s causing complications for those who are not able to risk getting Covid.

So yes, I have a smile on my face in these pictures, but my heart is broken over the loss of dear loved ones that accepted and loved me no matter what.  And the reality is that society truly has zero empathy and value for my life and others like me. If it did, I wouldn’t have to be isolated from it similar to those people preceding the Americans with Disabilities Act. 

Inclusivity means being willing to do whatever it takes to make sure everyone is able to participate. Even if it means a little sacrifice for this to happen.  In every public place, there are people who would like to be there but aren’t because it’s literally life and death.  Even with all the shots.  I can’t swallow Paxlovid and it’s not supposed to be crushed or broken.  I would have to go to the hospital and hopefully get the IV antiviral medication. I would probably be sick enough to require hospitalization because I always get bronchitis when I get the flu.

I end this with an update on my children’s book.  I was going to release it in March for Cerebral Palsy Awareness Month but our cat, Patches, got sick in February and I didn’t yet have a good way to try to protect myself and my husband from Covid. A woman in our Covid support group recommended that I try a “Readimask.” She once babysat for a child with cerebral palsy and understood about the associated spasms, movements, and different mouth movements when talking.  The Readimask is a N95-rated mask that utilizes an adhesive rather than straps to snugly fit to one’s face. It’s the only mask that’s stayed on my face. Despite being able to mask, I still have to be extremely careful with what we do. Masks work well. They work even better when others are also wearing them.

 Unfortunately, wearing a mask can get one bullied or even assaulted. People are stigmatizing masks which further stigmatizes the disabled, elderly, and other minorities.

With the fact that Patches crossed the rainbow bridge on March 28th after a short but horrific battle with what we now believe was a brain tumor that was affecting her jaw, combined with the stigma and unwillingness of people masking, and my emotional health being at an all-time low, I am hoping to try to release it in March of 2025. I am terrified that Donald Trump will be re-elected, thereby continuing the divisive hatred and intolerance he intensified throughout his first term as President. There is so much to my life and that, without the help and support from the community, people with disabilities such as myself, and other minorities are going to suffer even more.  

Also, since the book was written long before Covid, I needed to be true to myself and add a page about what my life is like now. I don’t get to do all the things I used to do. Everything takes even more planning.

This Disability Pride Month I wish for peace, kindness, empathy for others, and accessibility to society.

Goodbye My Sweet Baby Girl. Welcome Back Grief and Pain.

Stephanie G. Cox, M.S.Ed

Note: My husband usually edits all my blog posts to catch any errors or mistakes in my post. Today, we’re heartbroken and I don’t want to make him have to edit this post.

We’re absolutely heartbroken to announce that our sweet little girl, calico kitty, Patches has joined her “brother” in Heaven at around 5:30pm on March 28th. She was having severe dental issues and was going to have surgery to remove the resorption of her teeth, but she would start to get better with the pain medication and then go back downhill. It happened so quickly. She was fine for a 17.5 year old kitty but something happened one night and she was afraid to eat and drink. Over the past month and a half we have been in and out of the vet. Thankfully, I finally found a mask that will stay on my face as we’re still extremely high risk for Covid. I’m so thankful that I was able to go in the emergency vet with her and be at her appointments, especially her final one.

On the morning of March 28th, she was trembling and her gait was way off. Her last meal was the night before and she was acting like it had hurt her even though it was wet food and she was on pain medication. She was not able to eat or drink. She gave each of us that look like, “It’s ok Mommy, I will be ok.” The same look her “brother” gave me almost 7 years ago when we helped him cross the rainbow bridge.

The vet in the emergency department was that was there was their usual vet and he looked at her and he said that if he thought that there was any chance she would get better, he would tell us, but the way she was going, he didn’t think that the dental work would help her now. Something else was going on because he had been using Zorbium for other animals for chronic pain and he said she would be getting better and not worse.

Sweet girl knew it was time even though she was a fighter till the end. We loved on her and she was on my lap when she crossed over the rainbow bridge into Heaven. I kept asking the vet over and over that this was the best thing to do for her. He kept reassuring me that we were doing the kindest thing for her at this point. As she was asleep but still alive, I told her to go get YP. They were inseparable until he crossed the rainbow bridge and she grieved for him. I held her even after she had passed and petted her. As heartbreak as it is, I have held all my fur babies during and after they crossed because there’s no more pain finally.

The staff had a hard time because they had been in our lives for 16 years and cared for YP, Patches, and now Samoset. But Dr. Verbek was so strong and caring and reassured me that if he thought that there was anything he could do, he would be calling every specialist he knew to help her.

As a different kind of Christ follower than the mainstream Christians, my faith has totally changed. I believe in things that will make most Christians call me more heretical than they did before. But finding the truth about Jesus and Mary Magdalene is giving me so much peace and I know that animals are in Heaven. I am an empath who has had many spiritual experiences that can never be explained.

Patches Cox’s Obituary 

June 21, 2006-March 28, 2024

Sweet Patches, we miss you so much! You gave us so much joy and love. From climbing up the wall hanging to being a loud mouth. You literally would talk to us and answer questions like you really were answering. “Yeah now. Wow. Meow Mix. Hm-hm…”. So many different sounds that you could make. It was uncanny how you could answer questions and really try to talk. You had quite a vocabulary. You were able to carry on a conversation with us and loved telling us all about it. You could be quite loud. We would have to tell you to “use your inside voice.” You would make little noises too when you were laying down and you wanted to acknowledge us. You had a lot to say!

You also loved sleeping in blankets and if you were in a blanket and Daddy would come up to it and lean over, you would make little chirping noises to acknowledge him. You would also chatter to him.

I loved the way you would pick up your head sometimes when we were talking to you. You would be sitting there and you would just move your head up to acknowledge us and say, “I love you.”

I remember when we first were thinking about adopting another cat/cats, I didn’t want another girl right away because we had just lost your “sister,” which was my first cat and I loved her so much. I didn’t want to compare another girl kitty with Sara. But you gave me no choice.

Walking in the cat room at the shelter, I didn’t even see you at first because I was looking at the large cage with a lot of cats. You were in a cage by yourself to my right. As we met a cute cat that was afraid of my wheelchair and movements, I felt a tap on my left shoulder. It was you playing with my string of the zip up I was wearing. I immediately felt intrigued by you and how you weren’t even afraid of me. In fact, you turned over on your back and gave me a familiar look that Sara used to give me all the time.

We thought you were adopted already since you were in a separate cage but we quickly found out otherwise. Getting you out of the cage, you snuggled with us and purred. You also got away from us and ran under a cage but we were able to get you back out. When Daddy put you back in your cage and was washing his hands, you meowed as if to say, “Don’t leave me.”

I knew what we had to do. Daddy kept asking me if I was sure about it and I said that I couldn’t just leave you there without adopting you. Your “brother” was sick and in isolation for two more days. What if someone else adopted you before we came back to meet him and someone else adopted you? I was convinced that you had chosen us to be your parents.

You were brave coming home and snuggled with me and then you would hide behind the speaker before coming back out to explore and get loving. Once you were adjusted to the new house and your “brother,” there was literally no stopping you. You would chase YP up the cat tree, biting at his hind legs. You guys would tear around the house.

You loved running from the utility room to the hallway. You sounded like a galloping horse. Sometimes YP would chase after you. You loved peeing with Daddy in the utility room.

You had the most beautiful gait. Watching you walk from behind, you looked like a little horse. You also galloped like a little horse.

You would scratch the carpet in the hallway so I found you a little scratching rug to put over the spot that you liked to scratch at. Daddy taught you how to use the scratching rug and you immediately started scratching it. You kept scratching it until the end.

When you would scratch it or something else, you loved having me say, “Scratch, scratch, scratch.” Like your “brother,” you loved to play in boxes and bags. You were a very oral kitty who loved to bite on cardboard boxes and paper and plastic bags which we had to take away the plastic bags so you wouldn’t eat them.

After we went grocery shopping, you loved to “help” by going into the utility room and jumping on the washer and dryer to paw at the bag and get in them as Daddy loved on you and put stuff away. Then he would ball up the bags and shake them, thus, making you tear out of there and into the hallway to scratch your rug.

You loved trying to get in closets and cabinets. Daddy found you in a kitchen cabinet with your “brother.” Another time you were in the bathroom when Daddy was giving me a shower and we didn’t see you get in the bathroom closet until we heard meowing and weird sounds while I was in the shower and you were stuck in the closet.

You had your routines of asking for treats on a table and then you would make sure nobody was coming to steal them. Daddy called them “Secrets for cats” especially if your brother wasn’t awake. You loved your “Friskies” right up till the end when it was too painful for you to eat them. And you loved string treats and would do excited circles. You were the only one who could play with the kitty treat toy. Your “brothers” never got the hang of batting it around to get the treats out.

You loved getting up on Daddy’s chair and getting loving. You would play bite him and then give kisses. You loved having your neck rubbed after biting and kissing Daddy’s finger. You would look out the window. Then you would “assume the position” which meant Daddy would help you lay on his chest with your paws up by his neck. He would pet you. But you were a fire cat and didn’t stay long.

You also knew how to “be sweet.” Daddy would ask you “Can you be sweet?” He would put his face by you and you would usually kiss him on the nose. When you did this, Daddy would exclaim, “That was sweet!” Then he would pet you and let you bite and kiss his finger. You would kiss us all the time. Your little tongue was so rough as sandpaper! You kissed my nose and forehead about a week before you went over the rainbow bridge and I will cherish that memory forever!

After dinner you would get up and walk across the top of the couch to us. Daddy would have to Patches proof everything. You loved being petted and playing with him and I would have you smell my drink. The fur on your hind legs reminded us of “Ricky Ricardo pants” so when you would come down the side of the couch onto the arm of the couch, you would stretch your back legs and we would say, “you’re wearing your Ricky Ricardo pants.”

Another game you loved to play was “side to side.” You would get under the dining room chair and Daddy would reach down with both hands and touch you as you moved from side to side of the chair. You would play bite and give kisses. You also loved the smell of Daddy’s feet and slippers. You would kiss his bare ankles and feet. You would put your face in his slippers as well as lay on his socks.

You loved sleeping with me on the couch and in bed. YP would bug you sometimes but you were always with me. He would eventually lay down too. You loved to snuggle with me and even laid on my head and kiss my head. You would also sneeze on me.

You also loved the smell of clean hair. You would rub and snuggle with us. I love feeling the warmth and snuggles against my head and neck. How I now long for you to snuggle with me and walk on me.

You loved to wake me up some mornings by getting up on my pillow to mess with the blinds. I had to tell you no. You would also jump up between the beds with your brother and scare me to death.

You loved water. You would actually get in the sink and put your head under the water and just let it pour down your head. You both would get high up in the bathroom window to look out. If it was night, you would peak through the curtains to look at us.

You played fetch. One time we played with you guys so hard that you wouldn’t stop and finally started panting. You loved playing with light and you loved playing with toys that you would eventually destroy. In your later years you would be extremely vocal when playing. You were such a loud mouth. 

Playing in boxes with Daddy rubbing his finger on the box to make sounds and you were get at the side and paw until Daddy’s hand was in your reach to playfully bat it and bite. We’d pretend to be packing you up and shipping you away. You loved every second.

You also loved to go in Daddy’s radio room and look around and get “scolded” like YP. You would meow and yowl when you wanted to go in there or somewhere else. Even when Daddy was getting my blanket ready for you to lay on me, you would meow yowl. Sometimes you would even yawn and meow.

Another thing that you would do is make sure Daddy followed you to get something to eat. You would excitedly trot back to your room and keep looking back to make sure that Daddy was coming.

You were inseparable from YP and you guys were often snuggled up together sleeping and grooming each other. YP would bug you in your blanket and we would have to scold him. 

You loved watching the fall leaves and would scratch at the sliding glass door to try to “get them.”

I still feel bad for bringing in your second “brother” Samoset after YP went Home. After a year of pain, I just wanted a new life in the house. Despite trying to make sure that it would work out, Samoset has special needs and doesn’t understand cat behavior and language. This meant that you both ended up having separate rooms with equal time to be out in the house. I really think that if he had been a normal cat, you would have been able to co-exist because you tried and you would play with him under the bathroom door. I hope you weren’t too upset about having your final 6 years with having to spend time in the utility room. Thankfully, you seemed happy and well adjusted because you rarely complained about it and we had the routines set. Daddy came back there regularly and loved you and fed you what you wanted. You knew what bowl was for what food. You were a very social eater. You loved to have Daddy talk to you and say, “Snacks are good for cats. It’s good for cats to have some snackssssss.”

I miss you being in the window when we’d come home from places or even just sitting outside. You would look out and meow at us. You were one sweet little kitty.

At Christmas, when you were young, you would climb up the tree with YP! You would also sleep under the tree. Your favorite Christmas ornament was the old fashioned radio that plays different stations. You would meow and be right there when Daddy played it every night during the Christmas season.

I don’t know how to do this. We miss you already. Right now, the tears won’t stop coming. I have had to work on this obituary over the past month and the grief is still very bad. I had to get another toenail removed and I miss you being a nursing cat. You always knew when we weren’t well and would be even more involved in trying to help make us feel better. The mornings are so empty now that you don’t meet Daddy at the bedroom door and then come in to sleep with me.

Fly high and free with your brother and sister in Heaven! Please know that I’m so sorry that we couldn’t make you better. I’m so sorry for your horrible suffering. I don’t know if I will ever find peace about the way it all went down. I feel like I should have fought for you more to get the care you needed and deserved but I did the best I could as did Daddy. It was not supposed to happen this way and I wish that I had been wrong in feeling like you were going to die. I’m so sorry.

While I finally talked to the vet tech about how everything went with you, it seems likely that you had a brain tumor that grew extremely fast. Despite the fact that you were in so much horrible pain and went downhill so quickly, she assured me that you didn’t suffer too long. It gives me peace knowing that you probably wouldn’t have been able to recover no matter if you had gotten the x-rays. We would have had to let you go. But I am still haunted by your pain and passing so fast. I thought you had 1-2 more years with us because you were doing so well for your age and kidney disease.

We love you so much, Patches. I know you’re still spiritually here and in a different dimension. You will never be forgotten by us. We love you, Sweet Girl!

Love, Mommy, Daddy, and Samoset

Compassion is deeply lacking in this world today. So much hatred and anger. So much selfishness. As I move through this grief, again, people don’t understand that Patches wasn’t just a pet. She was a family member!

I’m terrified of how this world is going. Of how children are being taught to be hateful and selfish instead of kind and compassionate. I’m grateful to have found people who understand about grief and about Covid. Children deserve to be taught how to grieve and how to be empathetic to others no matter what.

In Patches’ honor, perhaps the people who are reading this could commit to being more compassionate and teaching their children to be the same.

All her nicknames. Just as many as YP!
Patches’ memorial tattoo.

July is Disability Pride Month

Stephanie G. Cox, M.S.Ed

How many of you are aware that July is Disability Pride Month? I only found out a couple of years ago. We hear all about the different minority groups months and diseases, yet, we don’t hear about the disabled unless we know someone who’s disabled or loves someone with a disability. Disabilities affect more people than we realize, and yet, we are still ignored for the most part.

I don’t think I have ever felt ashamed of my cerebral palsy. Yes, I have wished that I didn’t have it at times, but I don’t focus on it. Unfortunately, I have felt shame vibes at times from my family, not from my grandpa though. I do get self-conscious at times despite giving the air of confidence.

In fact, I will be honest about my intense anxiety about my book coming out because it has become a totally different world from when I first wrote it. I’m wanting to get out there with my book but I have to still worry about Covid in a society that is so quick to move on and accept that the vulnerable people may still be hospitalized or die from it. I’m afraid of all the eugenics going on in the world right now, especially the right wing cult…But the fact that even the people who used to take precautions against Covid have stopped is unknowingly spreading the eugenics. Why? Because people who are afraid of what the virus may do to our already unique bodies are even more left behind by society. Yet, I listen to the Calm app and I focus on what I have to do to protect myself from the hate as well as find people who are willing to work with me for in-person events. If people are not willing to mask and work with me, then they don’t deserve to meet me.

I believe that I have to keep educating people about disability. We need to put disability in the foreground because all the rights that are being seriously threatened by the right wing are just a preclude for more disability rights and help being taken away too. I challenge you to look into disability history. I challenge you to see how much adaptive equipment for the disabled costs. It’s not easy to get the help we need.

My cerebral palsy is a part of me. I’m proud of myself for fighting through all the battles I have fought and will continue to fight until I die. I’m disabled and I am proud to be who I am and see things that others are too busy to stop and see.

From Facebook

My Children’s Books and Teaching Children about Disabilities as well as Encouraging Children with Disabilities

Stephanie G. Cox, M.S.Ed

It’s been a while since I’ve written a blog post. This is due to the fact that I have been busy working with a wonderful illustrator that has finally completed the illustrations for my children’s book about my life with severe cerebral palsy. This was a very traumatic experience for me as “friends” wouldn’t finish the book’s illustrations in a timely manner. I was able to raise the money back with GoFundMe and the book is completed! George Franco is an amazing illustrator. I’m beyond grateful for his work and commitment to the project!

As I have written in previous posts, the book is based upon my life with severe cerebral palsy. We used actual photos of me both as a child and adult in order for the illustrations to show how I require very specific seating and care. It also shows how, with the help of my family and friends, I can overcome most obstacles to do what I want. It might look different but there’s usually a way around things.

I have yet to see any other picture books that accurately portray severe cerebral palsy. That’s why I wrote this book and was very specific about the illustrations showing how my wheelchair always has a lot of support to hold me in the proper sitting position as I can’t sit up on my own at all. I would fall right out of a standard wheelchair.

In the current environment of a group of people who are hateful toward anyone who doesn’t stand/measure up to their “agendas,” it is even more important to have a book that is all inclusive. It has every race, ethnicity, ability, and gender in it. I believe it is vital to fight for equality for human equality! Everyone is human and we are all equal!

I also want children like me to have a book that is inspiring to them. I want a child with any severe disability, especially those with cerebral palsy, to know that there’s hope. Even if the adults around them are telling them they will never achieve their goals and dreams, they can look at my book and just keep fighting for what they want to achieve!

Compassion is something that is in short supply in society today, and yet, there are many compassionate people out there who are advocating for people who are being oppressed and treated horribly by the new right-wing movement. It’s truly scary. The most abused children are often either disabled or in the LBGTQ+ communities. I want to stop this abuse from happening. I want today’s children to be taught compassion and kindness for all!

Unfortunately, Covid is still a problem for many in the disability community. We often have reduced lung capacity, asthma, and other health issues that are still making it more likely that we would get severe Covid and potentially die. Most of us are up-to-date on the Covid vaccines but some of us, such as myself, can’t swallow Paxlovid because the pills are too large and can’t be crushed. People are moving on from Covid and just don’t think about those of us are still going to great lengths to avoid getting it until there are better vaccines and treatments available for everyone to take and be okay. While my book is about my life pre-Covid, I still hope to use it to help people who are willing to truly listen and understand in order to be more aware of the vulnerable. I cling to hope that I will be able to live my life as I did prior to the pandemic someday soon.

Teaching children accurate information about disability is crucial in keeping society inclusive to all. Here are some examples of how to teach children about disability:

  • Instead of telling children not to stare, talk about how cool the wheelchair is or how incredible it is to walk with crutches. Point out how the person is also alike. For example, “It looks like her favorite color is green.”
  • When children ask “What’s wrong with him/her,” tell them that nothing is wrong with the person. The person just has a different body and/or brain and this is okay! We are all different and unique.
  • With Covid, please stand a certain distance from the person and ask him/her if you and your children may ask a few questions. I love answering questions from children! I also want adults to ask me questions instead of just assuming things about me that may or not be true.
  • Watch TV shows and movies about/featuring people with disabilities. Some examples of TV shows and movies are Speechless, Born This Way, Love on the Spectrum, As We See It, My Left Foot. Just search any streaming service and you’ll find all sorts of great shows and movies about and/or with people with disabilities. Some are more appropriate for younger audiences, of course, than others, but it’s important to let children learn about disability.
  • Read books about disabilities. There are tons of books for every age about different disabilities.

Love over hate is the goal we’re aiming for. Equality is also the aim. Nobody is better than anyone else; we all have human blood running through our veins!

I will keep you posted on when my new children’s book is available. Thank you so much to everyone who donated to my GoFundMe campaign last year!

Child Abuse In The Disability And LBGTQ+ Community

Stephanie G. Cox, M.S.Ed1 Comment

With the current laws being enacted in Florida and Texas as well as other conservative states to stop the LBGTQ+ community from being able to live their lives, it got me thinking about how I used to believe some of the same things until I started really listening to these people. I have many friends in this community now and I am heartbroken over how they are treated.

Many LBGTQ+ children are kicked out of the house when they come out to their parents. Some are subjected to horrible “conversion therapy” to try to “convince” them that they are not gay or transgender. These children are very likely to be abused and murdered by their family or people in the community who don’t want to understand that they are people too.

“Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning (LGBTQ) young people are over-represented in foster care, where they are more likely to experience discrimination, abuse, neglect and the risk of harm. A 2019 study found 30.4 percent of youth in foster care identify as LGBTQ and 5 percent as transgender, compared to 11.2 percent and 1.17 percent of youth not in foster care.”

https://www.childrensrights.org/lgbtq-2/

In Texas, a law was recently passed making it “child abuse” for parents to give their transgendered children care that would allow them to have the body that their brain is telling them they are. As of now, a judge has partially blocked the law. I believe that the exact opposite is true. It is abusive NOT to allow these children to have the gender affirming medical care they require. They are at a high risk of suicide for not being allowed to have transitional gender affirming medical care and psychotherapy.

People like to shrug off the suicide issue of transgender children, but according to Forbes from 2021, “52% of all transgender and nonbinary young people in the U.S. seriously contemplated killing themselves in 2020. More than half thought it would be better to be dead, rather than trying to live with rejection, isolation, loneliness, bullying and being targeted by politicians and activists pushing anti-trans legislation.”

https://www.forbes.com/sites/dawnstaceyennis/2021/05/19/terrible-time-for-trans-youth-new-survey-spotlights-suicide-spike—and-hope/?sh=712121d2716e

These children have to deal with so much discrimination from conservative policymakers. They are banned from using the correct bathrooms with which they identify. What do we think happens when a trans girl is forced to use the boys’ bathroom and vice versa? They look like the gender with which they identify.

And banning them from playing on the team of the gender with which they identify because people think they have an advantage over the other team is wrong. We might as well ban anyone “different” from playing sports because I can guarantee that transgender children don’t have any advantage over their peers. Everyone is talented in different ways!

Finally, the so-called “Don’t Say Gay” law in Florida enacted by Governor DeSantis is horrible! As an early childhood professional, sex and gender identity isn’t a main topic in the curriculum unless we have a child with gay parents or a child who is struggling with this issue. These children deserve support and compassion. Teachers need to teach children to accept these differences. The LBGTQ+ community is in no way trying to get children to be something that they’re not. They are just trying to get acceptance and support to stop the horrible discrimination they face daily. I believe in having developmentally appropriate discussions and books that include the LBGTQ+ community in the classroom.

I am so grateful that President Biden is taking action to try to help protect everyone in the LBGTQ+ community by taking executive action to stop the use of conversion therapy and help keep the rights and lives of this group as safe as possible. The amount of bigotry from the religious, right wing is absolutely disgusting! And it’s only getting worse!

There’s another group of children and adults who live with a higher than average risk of being abused: The disabled.

“Child abuse and neglect is reported in 3% to 10% of the population with disabilities. The rate of child abuse and neglect is at least 3 times higher in children with disabilities than in the typically developing population.”

https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article/147/5/e2021050920/180813/Maltreatment-of-Children-With-Disabilities

Children with disabilities have higher needs and require more care. They often have unique behavioral issues that typical children don’t. For some children with disabilities, these behaviors may last well into adulthood because their brains aren’t able to mature like typical people. They are so reliant on others for care and help that they are prime candidates for all types of abuse.

As someone with a severe disability, I can attest to the abuse. I was physically, verbally, and emotionally abused by my dad because I couldn’t control my muscles. I was emotionally and verbally abused by other family members and people at school. Just because life with a child who is disabled can be very stressful and frustrating at times doesn’t excuse abuse.

Like LBGTQ+ children, there’s a stigma that comes along with being disabled. We live in an ableist world. For a long time, people with disabilities, starting in young childhood, were locked up in institutions and forgotten. These institutions were absolutely horrible and many children died from abuse and inadequate care. There even used to be laws that prohibited people with disabilities from being in society. Similarly with the LBGTQ+ community, the disabled have a higher risk of being murdered.

Here’s an excellent article about the history of ableism.

As the article above points out, many religious groups believe that disabilities are due to “sin,” thus, causing people to treat them badly and abuse them. Let me be clear: No disability is due to sin!

Another thing that the article on ableism points out is that the medical community often treats the disability as a “problem.” But people with disabilities have absolutely nothing “wrong” with them. They are just different and deserve quality medical care, and yet, they often don’t receive it. The cost of medical care is even higher than that of typical people and people with disabilities also usually require adaptive equipment and therapy to be able to live the best life they can!

Unfortunately the Americans with Disabilities Act hasn’t helped all that much because most public places only do the minimum requirements. Many employers don’t want to have the responsibility of helping people with disabilities work in their work places. And people with disabilities don’t get “free money.” If they are on SSI, they can only have $2,000 if they are single and $3,000 if married. We’re trying to get this changed.

Being told by parents, teachers, employers, and society in general that “You’re worthless, a burden, a problem, a liability, and your life doesn’t matter” leads to isolation, anxiety, depression, and suicide.

Covid has really bought out just how ableist the world is, especially the United States. Many people feel that their lives are more important than others who are still vulnerable to serious consequences of getting Covid. It’s all-too-often just laughed at while believing that it is perfectly fine for people who are high risk to remain locked up for the rest of their lives. This is going back to the days when children and adults were forced to remain locked up and out of society. This is abuse!

There is no excuse for abuse of any child or adult, especially if they are different. We are all equal and worthy no matter our race, gender, sexual orientation, ethnicity, and/or disability. We need to stop going backwards and start moving forward to become a kinder, more accepting world. No child should be hurt. It is also abuse and ableist to expect any child to be someone that he/she isn’t or to expect children to be able to do things that they are not yet able to do!

Laughing

Stephanie G. Cox, M.S.Ed

I love this quote especially with the current state of the world. I know that I write a great deal about empathy and compassion. I am seeing, and experiencing, less and less empathy. On social media, there’s more “laughing” than there used to be. For example, any public post about Covid including stories about people who had it and had to be hospitalized are laughed at.

I am also coming across people laughing at other people’s trauma from being abused and spanked/hit in childhood. It seems to me that the world has become much more inconsiderate of others. I wrote a post a few years ago about how I truly believe that technology is playing a role in the desensitization of suffering.

As a child advocate, I am all too familiar with the hate and insults I get from people who believe that spanking/hitting, harsh punishment, and cry-it-out are “necessary” for raising “great” people. However, I’m not as familiar with this whole concept of laughing at other people’s stories about their very real pain. I don’t understand why this is happening. I am afraid that the conservative cult is definitely behind it.

Our children are watching everything and listening to everything. We’re trying to fight and stop bullying, but we are seeing adults being the bullies. They bully their children into doing what they want. They bully people like me who refuse to stop speaking up for the most vulnerable in society. I don’t want to live in a world where it’s acceptable for people to be bullied for their pain and fear. It’s not okay; if you believe in Jesus, it’s not what He taught.

This makes me truly afraid of the future and the children growing up with those parents who are laughing at suffering. Those people who are laughing at suffering are sadistic and that’s scary. What kind of world are we headed for if so many are laughing at suffering instead of helping people and protecting people?

This is what Jesus taught:

“I am giving you a new commandment, that you love one another; just as I have loved you, that you also love one another.”

John 13:34, (NASB).

Do we really want to teach children that it’s ok to laugh at suffering of any kind? Do we really want to teach children that they can walk all over people who are hurting and/or scared? Do we really want to live in a society that doesn’t protect the vulnerable?

At the rate we’re going, that world is becoming too much of a reality and it’s not going to end well for humanity!

Where are you Christmas?

Stephanie G. Cox, M.S.Ed

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With the pandemic still raging on and the new variant, it feels like it will never end.  Children ages 5-11 are, as of this writing, finally able to get vaccinated against Covid.  Sadly, the same arguments are continuing and getting worse from the anti-mask and anti-vaxxers crowd.   They are not able to think about the common good.  I have lost all hope for humanity.  I guess this could be a product of generations of spanking as research has shown that corporal punishment can have a negative impact on the development of empathy in children.

The world is in disarray and we’re all tired of it.  The children are stuck in the middle of the arguments, and are being fueled by the adults to act out. I am only getting glimpses of the true Christmas spirit.

In fact, I keep hearing the toxic message from Christians that “this is from ‘God'” and that “God will spare the righteous.”  It is so sad that they don’t understand that this is not from God.  Children have died from Covid.  Devout Christians are dying from Covid.  Jesus never intended for all of this confusion and toxic teachings from the church.

Spirituality is so simple and we weren’t supposed to know it all. Jesus was trying to teach so much more, but because our human minds are so limited and prone to boxing everything up, and man’s desire to control people who are different from them, has led to religion being toxic and oppressive instead of promoting true spiritual freedom. And it’s ruined love for one another. I just feel so bad for humanity; we’re truly stuck in hell of our own making.

We’re losing so much with this pandemic. Grief is horrible for many people this year again.  I know it’s pretty bad for me.

My message to everyone is to grieve together, and think of other people more than ourselves. Seek truth, Science, compassion, and true love.  May children stay safe and learn true empathy.  Or, may we learn it from them!  Peace and love through the holidays!

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“Let The Children BREATHE!”

Stephanie G. Cox, M.S.Ed

As Covid is raging on and affecting our children more due to the virus mutating and “learning” how to infect yet even more vulnerable people, once again we hear parents who don’t care about the well-being of their children or others scream, “Let the children breathe!”  Some states have enacted  laws banning schools from mandating masks.  Thankfully,  an increasing number of school districts are defying those states’ laws that ban mask mandates in schools.   Here’s what is already happening as children are back to school full time.

And some schools have already had to go remote due to Covid.  Children are being hospitalized at higher rates as the Delta variant is ravaging the country and world.  The very people who are supposed to protect them are arguing about masks being mandated and are even getting violent over it.

As of this writing, children are not yet eligible for the vaccine if they are under twelve years of age in the United States, and yet, after over a year and a half of this pandemic, people refuse to accept the fact that this pandemic is dangerous and deadly.  Some people may get lucky and have a mild case, but not everyone is that lucky.  Look at the hospitals and talk to the healthcare workers.

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It turns out that children are more accepting of  wearing masks than adults.  The adults are, sadly, teaching aggression and selfishness by fighting (sometimes literally) over masks, vaccines, and other mitigations to try to stop the virus.  This is the wrong direction for all of us.  We need to stop politicizing the health crisis and come together.  Our children need to see us caring enough about our fellow man that we wear masks and get vaccinated if possible.  Otherwise, this world will never be healed.  

People talk about selfishness all the time, especially when it comes to raising children and not wanting the children  to become “selfish little brats.”  However, the parents who are arguing about wearing masks as well as getting vaccinated and protesting against mask/vaccine mandates are teaching the children how to throw a “fit” and be “defiant” to get their own way.  These parents, ironically, tend to be pro-spankers.  It is so sad that their children are getting spanked/hit for similar behavior that goes against the parents’ wishes.  This makes no sense.  We have to model appropriate behavior for children.  They are mimicking us!

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Another thing is that as soon as infants are able to get into dangerous situations, we teach them about danger.  An infant doesn’t know that an electrical socket is dangerous, but we tell him/her it is and move him/her away from the outlet.  Young children can’t see the danger of running out in the street until we panic and scoop them up out of the street while saying, “DANGEROUS!”  There are so many dangerous things from which we have to protect children.  They must take our word for it or suffer possible horrific consequences.  It is just the same for Covid.  Just because we can’t SEE the virus floating around in the air, does not mean it’s not dangerous!

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We need to step up and do what is right for the whole world instead of the individual.  We must protect our children and everyone else by looking beyond our own wants to the needs of our society.  Let the children breathe.

 

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