In all of these pictures I have a smile on my face. It was a beautiful day on July first after many days of extreme heat which returned the next day. I hate July! I actually always have because, due my severe cerebral palsy, I am extremely sensitive to loud noises. They make me jump whether I am aware that they are coming or not. Even if I know they are coming, I still get very anxious when trying to prepare for them. I used to get in trouble for not being able to handle fireworks as a child. Thanks to the calming benefit of cannabis, I am now able to enjoy them more.
Nowadays there’s another reason why I hate July. We lost the sweetest baby boy kitty during the first week of July. This year marks 7 years since he crossed the rainbow bridge. His birthday is on the 4th. This year we don’t have his “sister,” Patches, who always made it a wee bit easier. I woke up hysterically crying this morning because the three kitties who had given me unconditional love are in Heaven. Sara, my childhood kitty, is the third kitty.
What does all of this have to do with July and Disability Pride Month? A lot considering the way I, as a person with a disability, have been treated my whole life. The Americans with Disability Act was finally passed in July of 1990. I was eight going on nine-years-old when it was passed. I had to go across town to a school that was wheelchair accessible and had a Special Ed program. Not every school was accessible or had a Special Education program to care for the disabled. There was a school just blocks from my house but it wasn’t accessible to me.
I have had to overcome so many obstacles in my life due to society having stereotypes about the disabled. In fact, before the 1980s, people would complain about people with disabilities being in public spaces because “they were disturbing the other people.” For me it was people staring at me as well as the people who said that I wouldn’t amount to anything. I had to prove myself to them over and over due to their perception of me.
While the Americans with Disabilities Act is meant to protect people with disabilities from discrimination and make sure that public places are accessible for everyone, the reality is that it is only the minimum that is required to make society accessible to those who are disabled.
Enter Covid over four years ago. Did you know that six out of ten people with disabilities died of Covid in the height of the pandemic? Some people with disabilities were placed in Hospice care for Covid because the medical community was overwhelmed with the sheer volume of patients and the fact that the disabled are more work for them to give care, as well as the belief that their/our lives are not as “rich” as typical people.
This is tragic. Now we have a society where people with disabilities are being left behind due to the misinformation that Covid is no longer a major threat. Society will not allow the disabled to be a part of it because we need masking and prevention measures. Our population is still one of the hardest hit by Covid even though we are seen on television acting like we have moved on. Some have and that’s causing complications for those who are not able to risk getting Covid.
So yes, I have a smile on my face in these pictures, but my heart is broken over the loss of dear loved ones that accepted and loved me no matter what. And the reality is that society truly has zero empathy and value for my life and others like me. If it did, I wouldn’t have to be isolated from it similar to those people preceding the Americans with Disabilities Act.
Inclusivity means being willing to do whatever it takes to make sure everyone is able to participate. Even if it means a little sacrifice for this to happen. In every public place, there are people who would like to be there but aren’t because it’s literally life and death. Even with all the shots. I can’t swallow Paxlovid and it’s not supposed to be crushed or broken. I would have to go to the hospital and hopefully get the IV antiviral medication. I would probably be sick enough to require hospitalization because I always get bronchitis when I get the flu.
I end this with an update on my children’s book. I was going to release it in March for Cerebral Palsy Awareness Month but our cat, Patches, got sick in February and I didn’t yet have a good way to try to protect myself and my husband from Covid. A woman in our Covid support group recommended that I try a “Readimask.” She once babysat for a child with cerebral palsy and understood about the associated spasms, movements, and different mouth movements when talking. The Readimask is a N95-rated mask that utilizes an adhesive rather than straps to snugly fit to one’s face. It’s the only mask that’s stayed on my face. Despite being able to mask, I still have to be extremely careful with what we do. Masks work well. They work even better when others are also wearing them.
With the fact that Patches crossed the rainbow bridge on March 28th after a short but horrific battle with what we now believe was a brain tumor that was affecting her jaw, combined with the stigma and unwillingness of people masking, and my emotional health being at an all-time low, I am hoping to try to release it in March of 2025. I am terrified that Donald Trump will be re-elected, thereby continuing the divisive hatred and intolerance he intensified throughout his first term as President. There is so much to my life and that, without the help and support from the community, people with disabilities such as myself, and other minorities are going to suffer even more.
Also, since the book was written long before Covid, I needed to be true to myself and add a page about what my life is like now. I don’t get to do all the things I used to do. Everything takes even more planning.
This Disability Pride Month I wish for peace, kindness, empathy for others, and accessibility to society.
Note: My husband usually edits all my blog posts to catch any errors or mistakes in my post. Today, we’re heartbroken and I don’t want to make him have to edit this post.
We’re absolutely heartbroken to announce that our sweet little girl, calico kitty, Patches has joined her “brother” in Heaven at around 5:30pm on March 28th. She was having severe dental issues and was going to have surgery to remove the resorption of her teeth, but she would start to get better with the pain medication and then go back downhill. It happened so quickly. She was fine for a 17.5 year old kitty but something happened one night and she was afraid to eat and drink. Over the past month and a half we have been in and out of the vet. Thankfully, I finally found a mask that will stay on my face as we’re still extremely high risk for Covid. I’m so thankful that I was able to go in the emergency vet with her and be at her appointments, especially her final one.
On the morning of March 28th, she was trembling and her gait was way off. Her last meal was the night before and she was acting like it had hurt her even though it was wet food and she was on pain medication. She was not able to eat or drink. She gave each of us that look like, “It’s ok Mommy, I will be ok.” The same look her “brother” gave me almost 7 years ago when we helped him cross the rainbow bridge.
The vet in the emergency department was that was there was their usual vet and he looked at her and he said that if he thought that there was any chance she would get better, he would tell us, but the way she was going, he didn’t think that the dental work would help her now. Something else was going on because he had been using Zorbium for other animals for chronic pain and he said she would be getting better and not worse.
Sweet girl knew it was time even though she was a fighter till the end. We loved on her and she was on my lap when she crossed over the rainbow bridge into Heaven. I kept asking the vet over and over that this was the best thing to do for her. He kept reassuring me that we were doing the kindest thing for her at this point. As she was asleep but still alive, I told her to go get YP. They were inseparable until he crossed the rainbow bridge and she grieved for him. I held her even after she had passed and petted her. As heartbreak as it is, I have held all my fur babies during and after they crossed because there’s no more pain finally.
The staff had a hard time because they had been in our lives for 16 years and cared for YP, Patches, and now Samoset. But Dr. Verbek was so strong and caring and reassured me that if he thought that there was anything he could do, he would be calling every specialist he knew to help her.
As a different kind of Christ follower than the mainstream Christians, my faith has totally changed. I believe in things that will make most Christians call me more heretical than they did before. But finding the truth about Jesus and Mary Magdalene is giving me so much peace and I know that animals are in Heaven. I am an empath who has had many spiritual experiences that can never be explained.
Patches Cox’s Obituary
June 21, 2006-March 28, 2024
Sweet Patches, we miss you so much! You gave us so much joy and love. From climbing up the wall hanging to being a loud mouth. You literally would talk to us and answer questions like you really were answering. “Yeah now. Wow. Meow Mix. Hm-hm…”. So many different sounds that you could make.It was uncanny how you could answer questions and really try to talk. You had quite a vocabulary. You were able to carry on a conversation with us and loved telling us all about it. You could be quite loud. We would have to tell you to “use your inside voice.” You would make little noises too when you were laying down and you wanted to acknowledge us. You had a lot to say!
You also loved sleeping in blankets and if you were in a blanket and Daddy would come up to it and lean over, you would make little chirping noises to acknowledge him. You would also chatter to him.
I loved the way you would pick up your head sometimes when we were talking to you. You would be sitting there and you would just move your head up to acknowledge us and say, “I love you.”
I remember when we first were thinking about adopting another cat/cats, I didn’t want another girl right away because we had just lost your “sister,” which was my first cat and I loved her so much. I didn’t want to compare another girl kitty with Sara. But you gave me no choice.
Walking in the cat room at the shelter, I didn’t even see you at first because I was looking at the large cage with a lot of cats. You were in a cage by yourself to my right. As we met a cute cat that was afraid of my wheelchair and movements, I felt a tap on my left shoulder. It was you playing with my string of the zip up I was wearing. I immediately felt intrigued by you and how you weren’t even afraid of me. In fact, you turned over on your back and gave me a familiar look that Sara used to give me all the time.
We thought you were adopted already since you were in a separate cage but we quickly found out otherwise. Getting you out of the cage, you snuggled with us and purred. You also got away from us and ran under a cage but we were able to get you back out. When Daddy put you back in your cage and was washing his hands, you meowed as if to say, “Don’t leave me.”
I knew what we had to do. Daddy kept asking me if I was sure about it and I said that I couldn’t just leave you there without adopting you. Your “brother” was sick and in isolation for two more days. What if someone else adopted you before we came back to meet him and someone else adopted you? I was convinced that you had chosen us to be your parents.
You were brave coming home and snuggled with me and then you would hide behind the speaker before coming back out to explore and get loving. Once you were adjusted to the new house and your “brother,” there was literally no stopping you. You would chase YP up the cat tree, biting at his hind legs. You guys would tear around the house.
You loved running from the utility room to the hallway. You sounded like a galloping horse. Sometimes YP would chase after you. You loved peeing with Daddy in the utility room.
You had the most beautiful gait. Watching you walk from behind, you looked like a little horse. You also galloped like a little horse.
You would scratch the carpet in the hallway so I found you a little scratching rug to put over the spot that you liked to scratch at. Daddy taught you how to use the scratching rug and you immediately started scratching it. You kept scratching it until the end.
When you would scratch it or something else, you loved having me say, “Scratch, scratch, scratch.” Like your “brother,” you loved to play in boxes and bags. You were a very oral kitty who loved to bite on cardboard boxes and paper and plastic bags which we had to take away the plastic bags so you wouldn’t eat them.
After we went grocery shopping, you loved to “help” by going into the utility room and jumping on the washer and dryer to paw at the bag and get in them as Daddy loved on you and put stuff away. Then he would ball up the bags and shake them, thus, making you tear out of there and into the hallway to scratch your rug.
You loved trying to get in closets and cabinets. Daddy found you in a kitchen cabinet with your “brother.” Another time you were in the bathroom when Daddy was giving me a shower and we didn’t see you get in the bathroom closet until we heard meowing and weird sounds while I was in the shower and you were stuck in the closet.
You had your routines of asking for treats on a table and then you would make sure nobody was coming to steal them. Daddy called them “Secrets for cats” especially if your brother wasn’t awake. You loved your “Friskies” right up till the end when it was too painful for you to eat them. And you loved string treats and would do excited circles. You were the only one who could play with the kitty treat toy. Your “brothers” never got the hang of batting it around to get the treats out.
You loved getting up on Daddy’s chair and getting loving. You would play bite him and then give kisses. You loved having your neck rubbed after biting and kissing Daddy’s finger. You would look out the window. Then you would “assume the position” which meant Daddy would help you lay on his chest with your paws up by his neck. He would pet you. But you were a fire cat and didn’t stay long.
You also knew how to “be sweet.” Daddy would ask you “Can you be sweet?” He would put his face by you and you would usually kiss him on the nose. When you did this, Daddy would exclaim, “That was sweet!” Then he would pet you and let you bite and kiss his finger. You would kiss us all the time. Your little tongue was so rough as sandpaper! You kissed my nose and forehead about a week before you went over the rainbow bridge and I will cherish that memory forever!
After dinner you would get up and walk across the top of the couch to us. Daddy would have to Patches proof everything. You loved being petted and playing with him and I would have you smell my drink. The fur on your hind legs reminded us of “Ricky Ricardo pants” so when you would come down the side of the couch onto the arm of the couch, you would stretch your back legs and we would say, “you’re wearing your Ricky Ricardo pants.”
Another game you loved to play was “side to side.” You would get under the dining room chair and Daddy would reach down with both hands and touch you as you moved from side to side of the chair. You would play bite and give kisses. You also loved the smell of Daddy’s feet and slippers. You would kiss his bare ankles and feet. You would put your face in his slippers as well as lay on his socks.
You loved sleeping with me on the couch and in bed. YP would bug you sometimes but you were always with me. He would eventually lay down too. You loved to snuggle with me and even laid on my head and kiss my head. You would also sneeze on me.
You also loved the smell of clean hair. You would rub and snuggle with us. I love feeling the warmth and snuggles against my head and neck. How I now long for you to snuggle with me and walk on me.
You loved to wake me up some mornings by getting up on my pillow to mess with the blinds. I had to tell you no. You would also jump up between the beds with your brother and scare me to death.
You loved water. You would actually get in the sink and put your head under the water and just let it pour down your head. You both would get high up in the bathroom window to look out. If it was night, you would peak through the curtains to look at us.
You played fetch. One time we played with you guys so hard that you wouldn’t stop and finally started panting. You loved playing with light and you loved playing with toys that you would eventually destroy. In your later years you would be extremely vocal when playing. You were such a loud mouth.
Playing in boxes with Daddy rubbing his finger on the box to make sounds and you were get at the side and paw until Daddy’s hand was in your reach to playfully bat it and bite. We’d pretend to be packing you up and shipping you away. You loved every second.
You also loved to go in Daddy’s radio room and look around and get “scolded” like YP. You would meow and yowl when you wanted to go in there or somewhere else. Even when Daddy was getting my blanket ready for you to lay on me, you would meow yowl. Sometimes you would even yawn and meow.
Another thing that you would do is make sure Daddy followed you to get something to eat. You would excitedly trot back to your room and keep looking back to make sure that Daddy was coming.
You were inseparable from YP and you guys were often snuggled up together sleeping and grooming each other. YP would bug you in your blanket and we would have to scold him.
You loved watching the fall leaves and would scratch at the sliding glass door to try to “get them.”
I still feel bad for bringing in your second “brother” Samoset after YP went Home. After a year of pain, I just wanted a new life in the house. Despite trying to make sure that it would work out, Samoset has special needs and doesn’t understand cat behavior and language. This meant that you both ended up having separate rooms with equal time to be out in the house. I really think that if he had been a normal cat, you would have been able to co-exist because you tried and you would play with him under the bathroom door. I hope you weren’t too upset about having your final 6 years with having to spend time in the utility room. Thankfully, you seemed happy and well adjusted because you rarely complained about it and we had the routines set. Daddy came back there regularly and loved you and fed you what you wanted. You knew what bowl was for what food. You were a very social eater. You loved to have Daddy talk to you and say, “Snacks are good for cats. It’s good for cats to have some snackssssss.”
I miss you being in the window when we’d come home from places or even just sitting outside. You would look out and meow at us. You were one sweet little kitty.
At Christmas, when you were young, you would climb up the tree with YP! You would also sleep under the tree. Your favorite Christmas ornament was the old fashioned radio that plays different stations. You would meow and be right there when Daddy played it every night during the Christmas season.
I don’t know how to do this. We miss you already. Right now, the tears won’t stop coming. I have had to work on this obituary over the past month and the grief is still very bad. I had to get another toenail removed and I miss you being a nursing cat. You always knew when we weren’t well and would be even more involved in trying to help make us feel better. The mornings are so empty now that you don’t meet Daddy at the bedroom door and then come in to sleep with me.
Fly high and free with your brother and sister in Heaven! Please know that I’m so sorry that we couldn’t make you better. I’m so sorry for your horrible suffering. I don’t know if I will ever find peace about the way it all went down. I feel like I should have fought for you more to get the care you needed and deserved but I did the best I could as did Daddy. It was not supposed to happen this way and I wish that I had been wrong in feeling like you were going to die. I’m so sorry.
While I finally talked to the vet tech about how everything went with you, it seems likely that you had a brain tumor that grew extremely fast. Despite the fact that you were in so much horrible pain and went downhill so quickly, she assured me that you didn’t suffer too long. It gives me peace knowing that you probably wouldn’t have been able to recover no matter if you had gotten the x-rays. We would have had to let you go. But I am still haunted by your pain and passing so fast. I thought you had 1-2 more years with us because you were doing so well for your age and kidney disease.
We love you so much, Patches. I know you’re still spiritually here and in a different dimension. You will never be forgotten by us. We love you, Sweet Girl!
Love, Mommy, Daddy, and Samoset
Compassion is deeply lacking in this world today. So much hatred and anger. So much selfishness. As I move through this grief, again, people don’t understand that Patches wasn’t just a pet. She was a family member!
I’m terrified of how this world is going. Of how children are being taught to be hateful and selfish instead of kind and compassionate. I’m grateful to have found people who understand about grief and about Covid. Children deserve to be taught how to grieve and how to be empathetic to others no matter what.
In Patches’ honor, perhaps the people who are reading this could commit to being more compassionate and teaching their children to be the same.
All her nicknames. Just as many as YP!Patches’ memorial tattoo.
With the pandemic still raging on and the new variant, it feels like it will never end. Children ages 5-11 are, as of this writing, finally able to get vaccinated against Covid. Sadly, the same arguments are continuing and getting worse from the anti-mask and anti-vaxxers crowd. They are not able to think about the common good. I have lost all hope for humanity. I guess this could be a product of generations of spanking as research has shown that corporal punishment can have a negative impact on the development of empathy in children.
The world is in disarray and we’re all tired of it. The children are stuck in the middle of the arguments, and are being fueled by the adults to act out. I am only getting glimpses of the true Christmas spirit.
In fact, I keep hearing the toxic message from Christians that “this is from ‘God'” and that “God will spare the righteous.” It is so sad that they don’t understand that this is not from God. Children have died from Covid. Devout Christians are dying from Covid. Jesus never intended for all of this confusion and toxic teachings from the church.
Spirituality is so simple and we weren’t supposed to know it all. Jesus was trying to teach so much more, but because our human minds are so limited and prone to boxing everything up, and man’s desire to control people who are different from them, has led to religion being toxic and oppressive instead of promoting true spiritual freedom. And it’s ruined love for one another. I just feel so bad for humanity; we’re truly stuck in hell of our own making.
We’re losing so much with this pandemic. Grief is horrible for many people this year again. I know it’s pretty bad for me.
My message to everyone is to grieve together, and think of other people more than ourselves. Seek truth, Science, compassion, and true love. May children stay safe and learn true empathy. Or, may we learn it from them! Peace and love through the holidays!
Actually I emailed this to close family and friends over a month ago. He is now 6 months old and things are continuing to progress slowly but surely.
On July 11th we adopted the sweetest, craziest kitten ever. Ever since our sweet boy, YP, went Home, on top of other 2 major back to back losses, we’ve been in a dark place and trying to get out of it. I know very few people understand the depth and love we have for our kitties, but, for us, they are our kids.
After an almost adoption went terribly wrong last October, we had agreed that Patches, our 12-year-old female calico, would be our only kitty until the horrible day she crosses the rainbow bridge into Heaven. I grieved that loss of hope but accepted it until late this spring. Even Chip started talking about getting another kitty but was in absolutely no rush! And I mean no rush.
I respect my husband so I did my best to let it go. I stopped looking at shelters and told people not to send us kitties who needed homes…Until sometime in May when I started occasionally looking at shelters but Chip wouldn’t really look at anything, yet, he kept talking about getting a new kitty and what age Patches would be more likely to accept. We were quite concerned about Patches adjusting to a new kitty despite getting along great with YP except for after the vet she’d get mildly aggressive with him for a day or so until the vet smell subsided.
Well, as YP’s first anniversary of going Home approached (July 5, 2018), the desire for a new life started to grow to the point of desperation and I was confused, angry, and really hurting. Losing YP just absolutely devastated us like losing Sara, my first kitty did! But YP was special in the way he loved us. He was/is one of our soulmates. I thought I would eventually lose the desperate desire for a new kitty after we got through his first anniversary but it didn’t subside. It only got worse and Chip started talking about getting one in the fall. That confused me and even angered me. Grief is so hard and weird. So I started researching the different local animal shelters just for the heck of it.
I would look at kitties and think, “sorry, not for us.” THEN on June 28th I was looking at all the pictures of adoptable kittens and found this picture of Samoset and immediately started laughing at his nose and felt a HUGE connection. I tried to show Chip, but he barely looked at it and I emailed it to him asking him to pray about if God and YP might be sending him to us. Yes, I truly believe that there’s so much more going on in the spiritual world than we can even imagine, and I believe Sara and God sent us Patches because I didn’t want another girl kitty back then because I didn’t want to replace Sara in anyway but they didn’t give me a choice.
The picture on the shelter’s website.
I tried to put him out of my head so hard but ended up asking the shelter if he was still available and he was. “Great! That was so stupid of me,” I thought with a few expletives. I prayed he would get a good home. I meditated to try to let go. But I couldn’t! I was in love with him.
Finally the Monday after YP’s first anniversary of going Home, I blurted out that I was in love! Chip said he’d think about it and finally actually really looked at the picture and he said maybe Thursday we can go see him and talk to them about helping Patches adjust. I cried but then I was worried about him being adopted before then, so later, I explained that this is a very bittersweet, emotional thing and we should not try to combine it with other errands. I got him to agree to go that Wednesday.
That day you would have thought I was having some major surgery or something. With my brain/emotional make up, I knew I could easily get my heart broken again and I was extremely anxious about Patches adjusting to him if he did choose us. I don’t believe in forcing cats to come home with you if there’s no connection. There was a very real possibility of him either not liking us (some kitties are afraid of me due to my wheelchair and involuntary movements because of my severe cerebral palsy.), already being adopted, or the staff not recommending this with Patches being an older cat (12).
So I had Chip talk about weird things to distract me from my anxiety. But then signs from loved ones in Heaven started occurring. Again, there’s so much more to the spiritual world than we can ever understand on Earth. First, we had music on and Chip’s mom’s favorite song, “What A Wonderful World” by Louis Armstrong played which I thought was weird and I acknowledged Mom2 in tears.
Then heading to the van to leave, I looked up and there was a heart shaped cloud in the sky. I asked Chip, “Is that a heart?” He agreed. A sign from God. Obviously, signs were happening but I didn’t know what they meant. I didn’t know if they were good or trying to comfort me. I now know it was both. Then we go by a bright red corvette. Grandpa!
We arrived at the shelter and I was having a little PTSD because it was the same shelter we adopted Patches and YP from, and flashbacks of YP confidently locking eyes with us and walking across the counter into our hearts and arms flooded my mind, so I kept focusing on my breathing to keep calm and telling myself that I was gonna have to accept whatever was going to happen. But my husband, who had to be dragged to the shelter, started acting goofy and excited. I was like what the heck is up with you.
Deep breath and in we go. They greeted us and said that we could go in the cat room and meet him but that they had been sick so the kitties were confined in their cages. I started to freak out a bit because I needed to get him out of the cage to make sure he wasn’t afraid of me and they said he could get out but not on the floor. Yay!
The second I found him and we made eye contact, for a split second, it was like I was looking at YP again. Samoset gave me that look of pure love and immediately started to come to the door to get to me/us. I cried. Unconditional love is major for me due to being abused throughout my childhood and rejected and hurt by people throughout my life.
He got on my table, did a nose kiss to my nose, and bit on my glasses. I cried again. He snuggled with Daddy too. Of course, he jumped on the floor before we could catch him but Chip apologized. He’s a fast little booger. We have so many nicknames for him already. So we told the staff about Patches and her mild aggression with YP after vet visits and that she is 12. They said it would take her longer to adjust to him but if we move slowly, she will eventually get there. One staff member told us about her experience with adopting one of the kitties and there was howling and fighting for over a month and she was afraid she was going to be one of the people who relinquished the animal after adoption, but she covered the crate and eventually it stopped and they are fine.
They still had our adoption applications from Patches and YP which is over 11 years old. They were so sorry about YP going Home. We filled out a new application for Samoset, known at the shelter as “Katio,” and they called Lakeside, our animal hospital where the vet is, for a reference and he was ours. Yes, I cried.
They wanted us to take him home that day which we thought he would have to go to the vet first like YP and Patches but that’s not the policy anymore since he was already neutered. We just had to get him to the vet within 7 days so if he had any life altering diseases, the shelter would cover the vet care for that.
Unfortunately, we didn’t have a carrier nor any kitten supplies so we said that we could get him the next day. They were fine with that. We told him we would be back tomorrow but he looked sad watching us leave the kitty room. Patches looked like that as did YP leaving them. Animals have feelings and know more than we think they do. Just like children. We underestimate the innocent so much.
I had to shut my emotions off and just focus on him both that day and the next day because the room was full of kitties and even some in the lobby. Please adopt from shelters and spray/neuter your animals to help stop the overpopulation problem. Thankfully, there are more and more no kill shelters but healthy animals are killed just because there’s no room for them. I’m grateful all the shelters here are great about not killing animals and finding foster homes for them and making sure they are adopted.
I wish I could have adopted all of the kitties in there so I just acknowledged them and focused on my new baby!
On the way out to the van after adopting him but not bringing him home, a yellow butterfly fluttered at Chip’s hand. He almost waved it off until he saw it was a butterfly, YP’s sign from Heaven. More tears and a whirling mind with emotions and thinking what we needed to go get at Petco. On the way to Petco, the funeral home had a sign about the shelter needing food. Ok, we get it God.
It’s been wonderful having him here. We did the separation of kitties for quite a while then with a gate and now he’s out of the bathroom a lot of the time but he still goes in there to sleep at night and then when we cannot watch them. They’re slowly adjusting but we just had a little incident because he wanted to go to the top perch and Patches was in the second level and didn’t like his tail flicking in her face so he is getting fed in the bathroom and time to let them chill. They’ve had other incidents but he is out here almost all the time and they eat together. Gentle parenting works for kitties too.
Overall, he loves to snuggle, sleep in my arms, and play. He’s hilarious. Patches is coming around but I will be happy when alpha kitty is established. Plus, the age difference is harder for her to adjust but we’re respecting them so we’ll get there. He’s getting better at sleeping out here but still sleeps soundly in the bathroom so when he is pushing it, we know he is getting overtired.
He plays and runs and attacks us. He’s learning not to bite hard and limits. He’s smart but still a baby. Yes, gentle parenting works for kitties as we don’t believe in spanking/hitting animals either or even punishment. We just remove them while saying “No” firmly and redirecting him. Sometimes I bop them due to my spasms and even Chip has accidentally stepped on them and then we immediately comfort them and apologize. They just know more than we give them credit for.
Thankfully, he is afraid of outside and is being good about getting away from the door. He loves to run into other rooms like Patches does and YP used to but not outside. Yay. Kitties are safer and healthier indoors only.
I still get anxious about Patches as stress isn’t good for older kitties, and I still feel like leaving YP and Patches at the vet, even though they get excellent care at Lakeside, for over 2 weeks when my grandpa went Home could have gotten YP’s diseases going. I know, it’s probably unlikely, but it still haunts me so we won’t be leaving them for more than a week at a time. They’re our babies.
Before I end this, how did we pick the name Samoset? All my kitties are somehow connected to each other and I picked Patches after the name of Sara’s favorite toy which I had named Patches as a child as Sara ripped the eye off one of my pound puppies and my mom sewed a patch over its eye so I named Patches Patches. YP was named after a ham radio friend who encouraged us to adopt 2 kitties when we were ready after Sara went Home.
With Samoset, we watch the Charlie Brown Thanksgiving show and used to be goofy and give each other roles. Most years YP played Samoset so we decided that our next boy kitty would be named Samoset.
Samoset was an Abenaki sagamore and the first American Indian to make contact with the Pilgrims of Plymouth Colony. — Wikipedia
I strongly believe that animals should be a part of every child’s life even if it’s a fish. Having a life to help care for teaches children responsibility and teamwork because the animal is a family member. It also helps teach children kindness and empathy as we help our children learn to respect the animal and treat it gently. Lastly, pets provide another source of love and support for the children as they can talk to the pet and love on them.
Anyway, that’s the story of our new wild man, sweet baby boy like YP. He’s a lot like YP so we know God and YP sent him. I’m so grateful for new life and experiencing happy firsts instead of sad firsts after 3 years of fresh grief. Please keep praying for them to co-exist more and more.
Art Print for Children and Parents Carl Reichert A by elvistudio
This is a rough week for my husband and I as we commemorate the birthday of our sweet kitty on the 4th of July. He would have been 12. Then the 5th marks the first year since he went Home to Heaven. We love our animals like family, so this is hitting us harder than we expected.
The Bible says to endure hardship as discipline.
“You have not yet resisted to the point of shedding blood in your striving against sin;and you have forgotten the exhortation which is addressed to you as sons,
“My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, Norfaint when you are reproved by Him; For thosewhom the Lord loves He disciplines, And He scourges every son whom He receives.”
It is for discipline that you endure; God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom his father does not discipline?But if you are without discipline, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate children and not sons.Furthermore, we had earthly fathers to discipline us, and we respected them; shall we not much rather be subject to the Father of spirits, and live?For they disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them, but He disciplines us for our good, so that we may share His holiness.All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness” (Hebrews 12:4-11, NASB)
Unfortunately, many Christians take these versesto mean corporal punishment. But if you read the Proverbs section of this blog, it has nothing to do with spanking/hitting children or hitting anyone. It just means that growth and discipline is not always pleasant and easy.
And being a Christ-follower, I take to heart what Jesus said,
“Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful.”
(John 14:27, NASB).
After much research, and guidance from the Holy Spirit, I truly believe He that one of the many ways He does this is through His gift of cannabis, and the appropriate use of alcohol (see 1 Timothy 5:23, Ecclesiastes 9:7, and Psalm 104:14-15 also references cannabis). Of course, the Bible makes it clear not to get really drunk, but to relax and relieve some medical issues, alcohol use is perfectly fine and encouraged throughout the Bible. In fact, one of Jesus’ first miracles was turning water into wine at a wedding in John 2:1-11. Please see this post for a link to the use of cannabis during Biblical times.
Yes, we go through hardships throughout our lives and these hardships should make us grow—and grow closer to Him. I truly believe we should use discipline to help everyone grow, opposed to using punishment which keeps us stuck in the place we are in, no matter how old we are.
For example, children may appear to be growing despite being punished, but it’s really them learning to hide things from their parents in order to avoid getting punishment. For adults, such a punitive attitude and belief system can trap them in harmful legalism and toxic relationships. They can’t see Who Jesus really is—love.
My husband and I watched the movie Reincarnated about Snoop Dogg changing his life to one of peace and love. He went to Jamaica and he became a Rastafarian. While we don’t agree with some of the Rastafarian doctrine, we love the way they love all and respect all people no matter what they believe.
They use cannabis as both medicine and to grow closer to God. I have absolutely fallen in love with this song:
Yes, heartbreak will hopefully and eventually lead to growth. It is not God punishing us. It’s life. We, as Christ-followers, must learn and understand this. We must teach this to our children so they can truly grow in Christ.
One last thing about cannabis: I have severe cerebral palsy and use it medically for spasms, pain, anxiety, and PTSD. As the result of being blessed by this sacred plant, I truly believe I am growing in Christ. I’ve become more open to more encompassing love and grace. I am still very imperfect and make mistakes, but I am slowly getting better at loving others.
For years, I bought into the doctrine that marijuana is “evil.” It’s anything but. In fact, it allowed me sit here with fireworks going off next door, and I was not jumping as much and not being anxious about the next boom. I am looking forward to going to the fireworks on the 4th. I will be using cannabis, thereby remaining more clearly aware of and the Holy Spirit’s guidance and comfort to continue to deal with my heartbreak. I am hopeful that cannabis will continue to ease my spasms and other ailments. Yay for Cannabis!
As the line in the song says, “so raise a glass to the memories, set em free, and fill up all those ashtrays.”
In memory of Sara (January 27, 2007), Grandpa (May 2, 2016), my father-in-law (June 29, 2007), YP (July 5, 2017), Penelope (July 6, 2012), my mother-in-law (August 8, 2015), Sadie (October 6, 2011), and the rest of my loved ones in Heaven.
This is an especially difficult holiday season for us due to another loss of a loved one and my medical issues. I got the results of my MRI, and I now have to get the suspicious mass checked out that was discovered when I was hospitalized for a bowel blockage. My biopsy is scheduled for January 2, 2018.
All this has me thinking about the first Christmas. My friend and I were discussing grief and how this Christmas doesn’t feel magical or joyful to either of us. One of my other friends got us a new small Christmas tree and scented candle to smell like a tree in order to change things up and make it a little less painful. We also got a new outside Christmas light.
There’s joy amidst the pain. Just like the first Christmas.
Imagine the emotional drama Mary and Joseph went through when Mary got pregnant with Jesus. How do you explain that to people who might not believe you that you are carrying God’s child and did nothing wrong? Thank the Lord, God explained to Joseph that he could still marry her after the Baby was born. He was going to divorce her.
They had so much joy in having God’s Son! How humbling it must have been for Mary. But she had to deal with everything that comes with normal pregnancy. And, again, how did she explain to people about the pregnancy?
Keep in mind that they were living in poverty and in tumultuous political times. Imagine having to travel by camel to register in their hometown of Bethlehem while being in the last stages of pregnancy. I can guarantee that Mary experienced pain which must have upset Joseph because he loved her and had to do his best to protect her and the Baby. That must have been a lot of pressure on him!
Yes, God was with them. But that doesn’t mean it was easy!
After arriving in Bethlehem, Mary went into labor. She didn’t have the Baby in a nice home or hospital. There was no room for them in the inn—both physically and emotionally—so she gave birth in a place where the animals were kept. It was not very sanitary or comfortable, making labor, which is no fun in and of itself, even more difficult.
But here comes Jesus Christ and there was great JOY!
“In the same region there were some shepherds staying out in the fields and keeping watch over their flock by night. And an angel of the Lord suddenly stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them; and they were terribly frightened. But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid; for behold, I bring you good news of great joy which will be for all the people; for today in the city of David there has been born for you a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. 12 This will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.” And suddenly there appeared with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying,
“Glory to God in the highest,
And on earth peace among men with whom He is pleased.”
When the angels had gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds began saying to one another, “Let us go straight to Bethlehem then, and see this thing that has happened which the Lord has made known to us.” So they came in a hurry and found their way to Mary and Joseph, and the baby as He lay in the manger. When they had seen this, they made known the statement which had been told them about this Child. And all who heard it wondered at the things which were told them by the shepherds. But Mary treasured all these things, pondering them in her heart. The shepherds went back, glorifying and praising God for all that they had heard and seen, just as had been told them” (Luke 2-20, NASB).
There was pain and joy. It wasn’t this totally joyful event for Mary and Joseph, yet, there was plenty of joy and rejoicing!
That was until King Herod found out about this Baby that people were coming to worship. How dare they worship a baby and call Him “King!” King Herod had a fit and ordered his men to kill all the male babies that were 2 or younger. There was a lot of screaming and weeping from parents who had their babies murdered for no reason. God told Joseph in a dream to take Jesus and Mary to Egypt until it was safe for them to return to Bethlehem (Matthew 2:16-18).
This meant another trip across the desert with the Baby. Jesus may have been a toddler by then. I know Jesus was completely without sin, but I truly believe that He behaved as a typical infant and toddler; crying and going through the typical developmental stages are not “sin” as many Christians believe. See more info here. He cried when He needed something such as a feeding, nap, diaper change, or just to be comforted. We all know how difficult it is to travel with a baby. And then they were in hiding until Herod died.
Yes, there was joy on the first Christmas but the reality is that it wasn’t all joy. There was plenty of pain, fear, stress, and confusion. God was there through it all, but due to sin in the world, He had to watch suffering too. Jesus chose pain over continuous joy in Heaven in order to save us from our sins.
Also, God didn’t rebuke or punish them for expressing their pain and frustration. He loved them and that’s what He still does with us. He suffers along with us and comforts us while correcting us gently when necessary.
We should do our best to be there for our children instead of punishing them. God does not punish us. Therefore, we should do our best to help our children instead of punishing them.
“Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow” (James 1:17 NASB).
We are going through some rough, scary things right now, but I know God is with me/us. He will see us through this painful, scary season and I am counting on next Christmas being more joyful. In the meantime, I continue to look for the moments of joy.
Every good thing comes from the Lord. If you too are going through some rough things this holiday season, please know that you’re not alone. God’s with you. Please try to find friends to help support you. It’s okay to change traditions if the old ones are too painful this year. We hope to get back into our traditions next Christmas. Whatever you need to do to find some joy and peace this Christmas, please do.
Please keep praying for me. Thank you so much!
Incidentally, I still have a very limited number of books if you want a signed copy for $10. Free shipping in the continental United States. Please contact me and we’ll work something out.
May everyone have a peaceful, blessed, and merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
Please Note: I usually have my husband edit every post I write to catch grammatical, punctuation, and spelling errors that I have missed. Due to this post being so emotionally charged, I’m not having him edit this. Please forgive any mistakes that I didn’t catch. Thank you so much!
Once again my husband and I find ourselves in the throws of deep grief. On July 5, 2017, our precious kitty, YP, crossed the rainbow bridge and into Heaven. This is the second time we’ve had to help a kitty go to Heaven. For us, it’s the closest thing to losing a child.
He was only 11 years old but had chronic kidney disease and bowel disease. We gave him the best care until he was ready to fly.
YP was relatively calm going to the vet. Usually he raises cain. He meowed some but once we got there, he got on my lap and gave me the sweetest look to say, “it’s ok, Mommy. I will be ok.” Just full of love. He looked at Daddy full of love and he didn’t fight the process much either. He was sedated and responsive to us until the final shot. The tech knows us and him and gave us plenty of time. I fought it more than him. He was ready for Heaven. I was so strong. We both cried and have been, but the Holy Spirit wanted me to hold him throughout the process on his blanket and the tech put his mouse toy between his front paws so he held it. I held him on my lap and Daddy cradled his head in his hand. Crap, more crying. Anyway he made the transition peacefully with us loving him and talking to him the whole time. Then I held him for a bit after he was in Heaven. My husband couldn’t look anymore but I just couldn’t give him up right away.
We’ve cried so much and this hurts. I am being honest with God which means cussing sometimes, but I believe that He wants us to be real with Him instead of the fake, legalistic prayer. I honestly don’t know what I believe about God right now. I know God is love, but I really don’t understand how He is making us go through 3 years of grief.
My mother-in-law went Home August 8, 2015. My grandpa went Home May 2, 2016. And then to lose our precious kitty…How much grief can we go through. Yet, we do feel “the peace of God that transcends all understanding.”
I know some Christians don’t believe animals go to Heaven, but there’s Biblical and spiritual evidence for animals going to Heaven. We’re very comforted by this fact.
“For every beast of the forest is Mine, The cattle on a thousand hills” (Psalm 50:10, NASB).
“The wolf and the lamb shall graze together;
the lion shall eat straw like the ox,
and dust shall be the serpent’s food.
They shall not hurt or destroy
in all my holy mountain,”
says the Lord” (Isaiah 65:25, ESV).
“The bird also has found a house,
And the swallow a nest for herself, where she may lay her young” (Psalm 84:3, NASB).
“After these things I looked, and behold, a door standing open in heaven, and the first voice which I had heard, like the sound of a trumpet speaking with me, said, “Come up here, and I will show you what must take place and Immediately I was in the Spirit; and behold, a throne was standing in heaven, and One sitting on the throne. And He who was sitting was like a jasper stone and a sardius in appearance; and there was a rainbow around the throne, like an emerald in appearance. Around the throne were twenty-four thrones; and upon the thrones I saw twenty-four elders sitting, clothed in white garments, and golden crowns on their heads.
The Throne and Worship of the Creator
Out from the throne come flashes of lightning and sounds and peals of thunder. And there were seven lamps of fire burning before the throne, which are the seven Spirits of God; and before the throne there was something like a sea of glass, like crystal; and in the center and around the throne, four living creatures full of eyes in front and behind. The first creature was like a lion, and the second creature like a calf, and the third creature had a face like that of a man, and the fourth creature was like a flying eagle. And the four living creatures, each one of them having six wings, are full of eyes around and within; and they do not cease to say,
“Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God, the Almighty, who was and who is and who is to come.”
And when the living creatures give glory and honor and thanks to Him who sits on the throne, to Him who lives forever and ever” (Revelation 4:4-9).
Yes, animals go to Heaven!
I know some people don’t understand the deep love for our animals. They truly are like our children. But we’re thankful for the people who truly understand this grief!
Before I end with YP’s obituary, I want to give a couple pointers for helping children grieve for animals.
Explain that their animal’s body is very sick and God needs him/her in Heaven now.
Avoid using terms such as “putting Fluffy to sleep,” “Scruffy couldn’t wake up.” as these are frightening for young children as they may think that they will die in their sleep too.
Talk about your favorite memories together. Allow for lots of tears.
Create pictures, look at pictures, and create a memorial for your pet.
Remember, losing a pet is like losing any human family member. It takes time to grieve! Don’t replace the pet right away.
YP’s obituary
July 4, 2006-July 5, 2017
Dear YP,
We love you so much. You are always going to be my baby boy, just like Sara is my little girl in Heaven. You gave us so much joy and love. We all miss you.
We’ll never forget the first time we met you at the shelter. You had been sick with a cold and they finally let you out of isolation and you saw us and you marched across the counter into our arms and hearts. You “helped” Daddy fill out paperwork and pay your adoption fee by batting and biting at the pen and money.
When we brought you and your “sister” home after you guys were spayed and neutered, you hid behind the toilet and meowed. Daddy told you that “You were such a good boy.” You absolutely loved that saying! You and I bonded the next day.
We miss how you would play games and get in the box in the kitchen, try to open the kitchen cabinets, get in the bathroom closet, jump on the microwave, run in Daddy’s radio shack. You also jumped into the bathroom window. You loved having us playfully “scold” you.
We miss how you would jump on Daddy’s shoulder and climb down into his lap. Or, try to climb up to his shoulders. We miss how you would jump ontop of my wheelchair and down to my tray to rub and snuggle with me. Sometimes when I was trying to work on research, you would lay right on the books. You thought you were really “helping.” Oh how I loved to put my ear against your side and listen to your loud purring.
Whenever you wanted Daddy to pick you up off something, you would hold out your little front paw so Daddy could pick you up. You would meow at us if we ignored you.
We miss how you would scramble with toys or just scramble on our bed. We miss how you would bat at our hands and bite playfully. You tried not to bite too hard but sometimes you would out of excitement.
We miss how you would get between Daddy and his chair and lay upside down and bat at Daddy.
Your head was like a fist and you would head butt us. When you were hungry, you would reach up at Daddy’s mouth then watch and head butt his mouth until he said, “Arrrr arrreee are you getting hungry?” You would purr loud, like a decelerating Harley-Davidson motorcycle out of your nose and meow and shake your tail. You would go see what you and your sister were having and then go tell her by kissing and head butting her. She would follow you in and you would get so excited that she was coming.
Another thing you would do when you were hungry and Daddy was wearing shorts was to nip his legs while he fixed food for you and Patches. When we would eat chicken or turkey, you would be so interested and we’d have to push you gently away.
We miss you racing around the house. From the hallway you would run and jump up on the couch, down to the ottoman, race up the cat perch, back down and go behind the entertainment center and back out to the hallway. You would meow loudly!
With your mouse, every night when I would take my asthma treatment, you would carry your mouse around and yowl at the top of your lungs. The first time you did this I thought the mouse was stuck in your mouth. Then being a “boy,” despite being neutered, you would bite your “sister’s” neck, making her mad. We’d yell at you to leave your sister alone.
Your sister and you would snuggle together and sleep together and play until you would get too excited and rough. She misses you so much!
You’d push paper bags around and hide under them with your face poking out.
Whenever you would get playful, you would whip your head around. It was hilarious!
You would run into your box and Daddy would scratch the box and you would flip around and bat at him.
You hated getting wet and once you reached up on the table, grabbed the placemat, pulling it off the table with Daddy’s beer spilling all over you. Daddy had to dry you off with a towel.
You would shake if you thought Daddy got you wet. You loved listening to water run in the pipe in the wall.
You and your sister climbed curtains, a wall hanging, and the Christmas tree when you were kittens.
We miss you snuggling with us in bed. I miss (kinda 😊) you scratching my bed by my head in the morning and playing under the bed meowing while I tried to sleep.
I miss holding you in my lap and watching tv with my Hello Kitty snuggie on. You couldn’t wait for Daddy to get it completely on before you would climb in my lap.
After showering, you would ride on my arm because you would try to climb around the back of my wheelchair but Daddy didn’t want you to fall so he’d push you back on my tray and you would sit on my arm and ride along.
You loved the special strings that held my slippers on and would play tug of war with Daddy. There was also a string in the bedroom that you would lay on Daddy’s lap and play with, biting the knot.
You loved to rough house with Daddy.
You loved to be held and carried around.
You came when called and followed Daddy around the house like a dog.
You would jump on the washer and rubbed the cabinets with both sides of your face while Daddy was in there. You loved to get in the dryer and Daddy always had to make sure you and Patches were out here before starting the dryer.
You loved to jump up on the cabinets above the washer and dryer and when you would jump down, it would be really loud.
You and Patches begged for treats.
When it stormed, you would hide in the hallway because that’s where we go for tornado warnings. We taught you well.
You loved blankets and you and Patches wanted the couch back after I would lie down. You both would lie with me or fight over me on the couch. You also would sniff the back of the couch despite nothing changing. You often acted like you were seeing things for the first time.
You would get an itch somewhere but you would itch in mid-air.
You had short, pokey legs and walked like a bulldog. Those pokey legs were heavy when you walked across me in bed. You had a wimpy meow for being such a “tough looking cat.”
When Daddy would walk through the kitchen, you would speed up to meet him to get lovin’.
When we’d eat, you would jump on Daddy’s shoulder and sometimes sit with your butt on his neck and front paws on the chair. You would also walk across Daddy and the chair with half of your paws on the chair and half on Daddy. Then you would jump on my chair and get on the table so we’d playfully scold you.
You thought sitting on your hind legs and pawing the door opened it. And you’d run into our room at night just so Daddy would put you out.
You always greeted us when we got home but I had to be with Daddy or you wouldn’t bother.
You slept in my wheelchair at night.
You loved watching nature on tv and tried to “get” the butterfly.
You loved laying in your bed by the sliding door in the sun.
Oh YP, life without you is so hard! You gave nothing but love!
Have fun in Heaven. Don’t jump on Mom(my mother-in-law) Grandpa, or Jesus’ back too much, you goofy boy. We love you, YP.
This post may be all over the place but it’s based on things I have experienced this week. It was a rough week as May 2nd was the one year anniversary of my dear grandpa going Home. I have really struggled with his passing. He and I were extremely close and he was a wonderful grandfather who never intentionally hurt me.
Since my family has not had any “official” services for him yet and I won’t be able to go to them due to financial issues and a cat who has chronic diseases and is not yet ready to die, I had my own private funeral service on Tuesday May 2nd that included getting a beautiful tattoo.
I kept thinking “goodbye grandpa” during the tattoo which is on my upper right arm. The tattoo came out perfectly! Parts of it hurt like heck as the inside of one’s arm is much more sensitive, but my tattoo artist and my husband encouraged me during the tough parts and I breathed and laughed my way through it. I cried when it was done.
I’m not letting go but I finally feel so at peace that he is physically gone. I miss him and my mother-in-law so much, but I just couldn’t get comfortable with Grandpa being gone until until I got this memorial tattoo. Plus, he deserved a detailed tattoo. I LOVE my first tattoo which is for him but I was feeling guilty that everybody else has detailed tattoos and he didn’t. So now that I know I can get detailed tattoos, I’m happy I got one for him and the jacket that was his. She made it look like a watercolor.
However, I have been experiencing some things that prove how important respect is. I haven’t felt very respected and that has made me lash out. I didn’t repay evil for evil, but I could have done better.
When adults and children don’t feel respected and heard, it makes them angry. That’s why children usually act out. They need connections and respect. But it is so hard when you’re doing your best to be respectful and the other person doesn’t respect you. Children don’t mean to be disrespectful as they are still learning how to respect. But adults should know better.
I also feel like, based on my own experiences as well as observations, people of all ages tend to want to control and manipulate others that they feel are weaker. These people usually have emotional problems that make them need to feel powerful and in control by manipulating the weaker person.
We see this all the time with the parent-child dyad. The parent finally has someone they can control and manipulate after they were controlled and manipulated as children. They may be doing it unconsciously, but they do it nonetheless. Others are fully aware of what they are doing.
But another group that is often controlled and manipulated, sometimes even by family, are people with disabilities. I have severe cerebral palsy and I often feel like people don’t respect me. No matter how old I get, I often get treated as a child. Of course, anyone who knows my story knows that I was physically, verbally, and emotionally abused by my late dad. I was also emotionally abused by my school aide.
In addition to dealing the my grief of losing my mother-in-law and grandpa as well as dealing with my beloved kitty going downhill and other life stresses, I have felt very disrespected. Trying to have boundaries and protect myself while remaining Christ-like is not easy.
Of course, this makes me think of children. We need to respect their personal boundaries as we set our own boundaries with them. It is such a helpless feeling knowing that someone you love is trying to control, manipulate, and make you feel guilty for something that you didn’t do. I’m 35 and I’m really struggling with it and I don’t always handle it as well as I should. It’s no wonder that children have meltdowns and anxiety and feel so out of control when we try to control, manipulate, and shame them. I can relate so much to the feelings children have.
I am at peace with the loss of my grandpa and I am thankful for that. At the same time, it comes to light that we all need to be respected by the people we love no matter what our age is. I don’t believe that elders deserve respect just because they are older. I believe respect is earned. It must be mutual. It cannot be forced. If it is forced, it leads to strong resentment.
I guess that is my mishmash of thoughts. I hope it helps someone else dealing with similar things. I also hope it helps parents to see how important it is to respect their children. Only through respecting our children will they learn to respect others.
A week ago I got another tattoo for my mother-in-law. Again, due to how I have been treated throughout my life because people always underestimate me and have even put me down, I felt the need to prove that I could handle a much more detailed tattoo. See here to read about my first tattoo.
Thankfully, some of my family, including my mom and my husband, have always been supportive of me. My mom wanted to be here to help with my second tattoo, but she lives in Kansas. I missed having her there as she is a tattoo person too.
I am beyond happy! I did even better than last time. My tattoo artist began easy by retouching my Mickey. Then she gave me 3 fonts to choose from for the “big hug” that I added to my grandpa tattoo, and I immediately picked the middle font. We decided to put it at the top of the grandpa tattoo! That went so well! We were a bit worried about doing font with me due to my startle reflex that I have no control over. The significance of adding “big hug” is that from the time of AOL instant messenger, my grandpa and I chatted every week if at all possible since it’s very hard to understand me over the phone as my speech is very slurred because of my severe cerebral palsy. So at the end of EVERY chat, we’d say, “Big hug! I got mine! Here’s one back.” It satisfied us until we got to see each other again and get the real hug! Oh my, I’m crying again. Now “big hug” is forever on me and I will NEVER forget that very special thing between us until I see him again and finally get many big hugs for eternity! I love you, Grandpa! So now my grandpa tattoo is complete!
Then it was onto my tattoo for my beloved mother-in-law. The cardinal is my sign from her in Heaven. She was like my second mom and accepted me into her family! We were very, very close. Her birthday is on Halloween so my husband came up with the jack-o-lantern idea. Then my artist added the harvest moon and hazy clouds. I was nervous about the details, but it went better than I could have ever imagined!!
Eventually my startle reflex quit. I took the same medications as last time to slow down my spasms. My husband strapped me all up in my wheelchair, including my arms since we didn’t have my mom there to help as we did last time. My husband sat on the floor and held my leg. I can’t believe how well it all went.
To me, the shading hurts less than the outline. And my artist and my husband talked the whole time and I talked some, but I didn’t want to move too much. She said that I really did a great job! I only took one break to get a drink of orange juice. Everyone loved it at the shop! I am so proud of myself for doing so well with the pain, but I ended up getting used to it. And the conversation was so cool and interesting that it kept me distracted.
I’m always second guessing myself in everything that I do. The voices that told me throughout my life that I would never amount to much are always somewhere in my head despite my, thankfully, strong will. This is why I hate that many Christians believe that they must break their children’s wills. They are really doing a great deal of harm to their children because it often takes a strong will to do what is right in God’s eyes and not what others think is “good.”
I again hugged me tattoo artist afterwards! My tattoos are the most beautiful things ever! It was sore like a sunburn but it was worth everything! It all took 2 hours! I was tired but so excited! Another huge accomplishment for me! Thank You, Jesus! It felt so good walking out into the cool air when we left the tattoo shop because I was hot from all that!
I sat here at home for a while with my sweatpants down and just looked at it!! I cried! There is so much symbolism behind these tattoos. Symbols of love and acceptance by family members. Symbols of remembrance and the hope of being reunited with them some day thanks to Jesus’s amazing gift of grace and forgiveness! Symbols of being able to overcome, with God’s help, the negative messages that were put into my head from the time that I was a small child.
My next tattoo is January 27th to get my first kitty, Sara. I’m doing it on the 10 year anniversary of her going Home! I’ve wanted tattoos for so long and never thought it would work with me but I proved that wrong!! I feel like I can now get through this horrible grief because I got through the tattoos with flying colors!! Thank You, Jesus!
Children need to be taught how to believe in themselves and to trust God. Only through gentle discipline is achieved. I will probably always struggle with believing in myself and totally trusting God no matter how much I continue to overcome. I wish all children could have what I didn’t growing up.
Disciplining With Gentle Firmness 