Compassion in Tough Times

July 4, 2025 Stephanie G. Cox, M.S.Ed

I have been meaning to write a post for a while now about everything that is happening in this country and world.

I am beyond angry and disgusted that this current regime has been allowed to seize power over our country. I have witnessed the increasing amount of hate being spewed in every direction. This is tragic for our children, who are witnessing everything. They are learning that hate is acceptable, which is not the case.

Now the children face a very uncertain future. The reality is that COVID is negatively impacting their lives and the people who care for them. They also face the reality that they may not be able to have the vaccines that they need to live a long, healthy life. Their education is at risk. Even their food security is more uncertain than it’s ever been in recent history.

This is especially true for those with disabilities as the laws that help these children and adults be able to get their education are being destroyed. The minority groups that already struggle with poverty and equal access to education and services are now going to suffer because of the bill that was passed in order to take away funding for critical services such as healthcare, food stamps, Social Security are being cut in an unprecedented way.

I’m so sad for our children and the children and families around the world that are being affected by wars and now cuts to foreign aid programs that provide food, medicine, medical care, and other assistance.

The rich want what they want. They want the poor and middle class gone. They want babies to be born but not given the opportunity to live great lives.

The saddest part is that conservative Christians are celebrating this. They are celebrating the fact that transgender children are not receiving the education care they deserve and need. They are celebrating the fact that anti-vaccine individuals are attempting to rewrite research on vaccines that have been extensively researched and proven safe and effective. They are celebrating the fact that the most vulnerable are having their critical care taken away by wealthy and narcissistic individuals.

I hear fireworks going off and I feel so sad and angry. We’re literally losing our democracy and people are celebrating.

Jesus said to “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another” (John 13:34, NIV).

There’s no love in taking away from the needy and the vulnerable. There’s no love in spewing hate!

This is why I no longer identify as a “Christian.”

It’s only in the true service to others that we can achieve Heaven on Earth. No agenda. No need for any evangelizing or trying to “save” people. Just standing side by side with people who need help.

I’m afraid of a world where children are growing up in the hatred that has consumed the country; especially when it comes from “Christians.”

Teach children love even in these tough times. Help each other as much as possible. Resist the culture of hate and fear that makes the current regime and its followers feel so powerful. In the end, they won’t win if each of us do our part in helping each other and resisting the current regime.

Goodbye My Sweet Baby Girl. Welcome Back Grief and Pain.

April 26, 2024May 12, 2024 Stephanie G. Cox, M.S.Ed

Note: My husband usually edits all my blog posts to catch any errors or mistakes in my post. Today, we’re heartbroken and I don’t want to make him have to edit this post.

We’re absolutely heartbroken to announce that our sweet little girl, calico kitty, Patches has joined her “brother” in Heaven at around 5:30pm on March 28th. She was having severe dental issues and was going to have surgery to remove the resorption of her teeth, but she would start to get better with the pain medication and then go back downhill. It happened so quickly. She was fine for a 17.5 year old kitty but something happened one night and she was afraid to eat and drink. Over the past month and a half we have been in and out of the vet. Thankfully, I finally found a mask that will stay on my face as we’re still extremely high risk for Covid. I’m so thankful that I was able to go in the emergency vet with her and be at her appointments, especially her final one.

On the morning of March 28th, she was trembling and her gait was way off. Her last meal was the night before and she was acting like it had hurt her even though it was wet food and she was on pain medication. She was not able to eat or drink. She gave each of us that look like, “It’s ok Mommy, I will be ok.” The same look her “brother” gave me almost 7 years ago when we helped him cross the rainbow bridge.

The vet in the emergency department was that was there was their usual vet and he looked at her and he said that if he thought that there was any chance she would get better, he would tell us, but the way she was going, he didn’t think that the dental work would help her now. Something else was going on because he had been using Zorbium for other animals for chronic pain and he said she would be getting better and not worse.

Sweet girl knew it was time even though she was a fighter till the end. We loved on her and she was on my lap when she crossed over the rainbow bridge into Heaven. I kept asking the vet over and over that this was the best thing to do for her. He kept reassuring me that we were doing the kindest thing for her at this point. As she was asleep but still alive, I told her to go get YP. They were inseparable until he crossed the rainbow bridge and she grieved for him. I held her even after she had passed and petted her. As heartbreak as it is, I have held all my fur babies during and after they crossed because there’s no more pain finally.

The staff had a hard time because they had been in our lives for 16 years and cared for YP, Patches, and now Samoset. But Dr. Verbek was so strong and caring and reassured me that if he thought that there was anything he could do, he would be calling every specialist he knew to help her.

As a different kind of Christ follower than the mainstream Christians, my faith has totally changed. I believe in things that will make most Christians call me more heretical than they did before. But finding the truth about Jesus and Mary Magdalene is giving me so much peace and I know that animals are in Heaven. I am an empath who has had many spiritual experiences that can never be explained.

Patches Cox’s Obituary

June 21, 2006-March 28, 2024

Sweet Patches, we miss you so much! You gave us so much joy and love. From climbing up the wall hanging to being a loud mouth. You literally would talk to us and answer questions like you really were answering. “Yeah now. Wow. Meow Mix. Hm-hm…”. So many different sounds that you could make. It was uncanny how you could answer questions and really try to talk. You had quite a vocabulary. You were able to carry on a conversation with us and loved telling us all about it. You could be quite loud. We would have to tell you to “use your inside voice.” You would make little noises too when you were laying down and you wanted to acknowledge us. You had a lot to say!

You also loved sleeping in blankets and if you were in a blanket and Daddy would come up to it and lean over, you would make little chirping noises to acknowledge him. You would also chatter to him.

I loved the way you would pick up your head sometimes when we were talking to you. You would be sitting there and you would just move your head up to acknowledge us and say, “I love you.”

I remember when we first were thinking about adopting another cat/cats, I didn’t want another girl right away because we had just lost your “sister,” which was my first cat and I loved her so much. I didn’t want to compare another girl kitty with Sara. But you gave me no choice.

Walking in the cat room at the shelter, I didn’t even see you at first because I was looking at the large cage with a lot of cats. You were in a cage by yourself to my right. As we met a cute cat that was afraid of my wheelchair and movements, I felt a tap on my left shoulder. It was you playing with my string of the zip up I was wearing. I immediately felt intrigued by you and how you weren’t even afraid of me. In fact, you turned over on your back and gave me a familiar look that Sara used to give me all the time.

We thought you were adopted already since you were in a separate cage but we quickly found out otherwise. Getting you out of the cage, you snuggled with us and purred. You also got away from us and ran under a cage but we were able to get you back out. When Daddy put you back in your cage and was washing his hands, you meowed as if to say, “Don’t leave me.”

I knew what we had to do. Daddy kept asking me if I was sure about it and I said that I couldn’t just leave you there without adopting you. Your “brother” was sick and in isolation for two more days. What if someone else adopted you before we came back to meet him and someone else adopted you? I was convinced that you had chosen us to be your parents.

You were brave coming home and snuggled with me and then you would hide behind the speaker before coming back out to explore and get loving. Once you were adjusted to the new house and your “brother,” there was literally no stopping you. You would chase YP up the cat tree, biting at his hind legs. You guys would tear around the house.

You loved running from the utility room to the hallway. You sounded like a galloping horse. Sometimes YP would chase after you. You loved peeing with Daddy in the utility room.

You had the most beautiful gait. Watching you walk from behind, you looked like a little horse. You also galloped like a little horse.

You would scratch the carpet in the hallway so I found you a little scratching rug to put over the spot that you liked to scratch at. Daddy taught you how to use the scratching rug and you immediately started scratching it. You kept scratching it until the end.

When you would scratch it or something else, you loved having me say, “Scratch, scratch, scratch.” Like your “brother,” you loved to play in boxes and bags. You were a very oral kitty who loved to bite on cardboard boxes and paper and plastic bags which we had to take away the plastic bags so you wouldn’t eat them.

After we went grocery shopping, you loved to “help” by going into the utility room and jumping on the washer and dryer to paw at the bag and get in them as Daddy loved on you and put stuff away. Then he would ball up the bags and shake them, thus, making you tear out of there and into the hallway to scratch your rug.

You loved trying to get in closets and cabinets. Daddy found you in a kitchen cabinet with your “brother.” Another time you were in the bathroom when Daddy was giving me a shower and we didn’t see you get in the bathroom closet until we heard meowing and weird sounds while I was in the shower and you were stuck in the closet.

You had your routines of asking for treats on a table and then you would make sure nobody was coming to steal them. Daddy called them “Secrets for cats” especially if your brother wasn’t awake. You loved your “Friskies” right up till the end when it was too painful for you to eat them. And you loved string treats and would do excited circles. You were the only one who could play with the kitty treat toy. Your “brothers” never got the hang of batting it around to get the treats out.

You loved getting up on Daddy’s chair and getting loving. You would play bite him and then give kisses. You loved having your neck rubbed after biting and kissing Daddy’s finger. You would look out the window. Then you would “assume the position” which meant Daddy would help you lay on his chest with your paws up by his neck. He would pet you. But you were a fire cat and didn’t stay long.

You also knew how to “be sweet.” Daddy would ask you “Can you be sweet?” He would put his face by you and you would usually kiss him on the nose. When you did this, Daddy would exclaim, “That was sweet!” Then he would pet you and let you bite and kiss his finger. You would kiss us all the time. Your little tongue was so rough as sandpaper! You kissed my nose and forehead about a week before you went over the rainbow bridge and I will cherish that memory forever!

After dinner you would get up and walk across the top of the couch to us. Daddy would have to Patches proof everything. You loved being petted and playing with him and I would have you smell my drink. The fur on your hind legs reminded us of “Ricky Ricardo pants” so when you would come down the side of the couch onto the arm of the couch, you would stretch your back legs and we would say, “you’re wearing your Ricky Ricardo pants.”

Another game you loved to play was “side to side.” You would get under the dining room chair and Daddy would reach down with both hands and touch you as you moved from side to side of the chair. You would play bite and give kisses. You also loved the smell of Daddy’s feet and slippers. You would kiss his bare ankles and feet. You would put your face in his slippers as well as lay on his socks.

You loved sleeping with me on the couch and in bed. YP would bug you sometimes but you were always with me. He would eventually lay down too. You loved to snuggle with me and even laid on my head and kiss my head. You would also sneeze on me.

You also loved the smell of clean hair. You would rub and snuggle with us. I love feeling the warmth and snuggles against my head and neck. How I now long for you to snuggle with me and walk on me.

You loved to wake me up some mornings by getting up on my pillow to mess with the blinds. I had to tell you no. You would also jump up between the beds with your brother and scare me to death.

You loved water. You would actually get in the sink and put your head under the water and just let it pour down your head. You both would get high up in the bathroom window to look out. If it was night, you would peak through the curtains to look at us.

You played fetch. One time we played with you guys so hard that you wouldn’t stop and finally started panting. You loved playing with light and you loved playing with toys that you would eventually destroy. In your later years you would be extremely vocal when playing. You were such a loud mouth.

Playing in boxes with Daddy rubbing his finger on the box to make sounds and you were get at the side and paw until Daddy’s hand was in your reach to playfully bat it and bite. We’d pretend to be packing you up and shipping you away. You loved every second.

You also loved to go in Daddy’s radio room and look around and get “scolded” like YP. You would meow and yowl when you wanted to go in there or somewhere else. Even when Daddy was getting my blanket ready for you to lay on me, you would meow yowl. Sometimes you would even yawn and meow.

Another thing that you would do is make sure Daddy followed you to get something to eat. You would excitedly trot back to your room and keep looking back to make sure that Daddy was coming.

You were inseparable from YP and you guys were often snuggled up together sleeping and grooming each other. YP would bug you in your blanket and we would have to scold him.

You loved watching the fall leaves and would scratch at the sliding glass door to try to “get them.”

I still feel bad for bringing in your second “brother” Samoset after YP went Home. After a year of pain, I just wanted a new life in the house. Despite trying to make sure that it would work out, Samoset has special needs and doesn’t understand cat behavior and language. This meant that you both ended up having separate rooms with equal time to be out in the house. I really think that if he had been a normal cat, you would have been able to co-exist because you tried and you would play with him under the bathroom door. I hope you weren’t too upset about having your final 6 years with having to spend time in the utility room. Thankfully, you seemed happy and well adjusted because you rarely complained about it and we had the routines set. Daddy came back there regularly and loved you and fed you what you wanted. You knew what bowl was for what food. You were a very social eater. You loved to have Daddy talk to you and say, “Snacks are good for cats. It’s good for cats to have some snackssssss.”

I miss you being in the window when we’d come home from places or even just sitting outside. You would look out and meow at us. You were one sweet little kitty.

At Christmas, when you were young, you would climb up the tree with YP! You would also sleep under the tree. Your favorite Christmas ornament was the old fashioned radio that plays different stations. You would meow and be right there when Daddy played it every night during the Christmas season.

I don’t know how to do this. We miss you already. Right now, the tears won’t stop coming. I have had to work on this obituary over the past month and the grief is still very bad. I had to get another toenail removed and I miss you being a nursing cat. You always knew when we weren’t well and would be even more involved in trying to help make us feel better. The mornings are so empty now that you don’t meet Daddy at the bedroom door and then come in to sleep with me.

Fly high and free with your brother and sister in Heaven! Please know that I’m so sorry that we couldn’t make you better. I’m so sorry for your horrible suffering. I don’t know if I will ever find peace about the way it all went down. I feel like I should have fought for you more to get the care you needed and deserved but I did the best I could as did Daddy. It was not supposed to happen this way and I wish that I had been wrong in feeling like you were going to die. I’m so sorry.

While I finally talked to the vet tech about how everything went with you, it seems likely that you had a brain tumor that grew extremely fast. Despite the fact that you were in so much horrible pain and went downhill so quickly, she assured me that you didn’t suffer too long. It gives me peace knowing that you probably wouldn’t have been able to recover no matter if you had gotten the x-rays. We would have had to let you go. But I am still haunted by your pain and passing so fast. I thought you had 1-2 more years with us because you were doing so well for your age and kidney disease.

We love you so much, Patches. I know you’re still spiritually here and in a different dimension. You will never be forgotten by us. We love you, Sweet Girl!

Love, Mommy, Daddy, and Samoset

Compassion is deeply lacking in this world today. So much hatred and anger. So much selfishness. As I move through this grief, again, people don’t understand that Patches wasn’t just a pet. She was a family member!

I’m terrified of how this world is going. Of how children are being taught to be hateful and selfish instead of kind and compassionate. I’m grateful to have found people who understand about grief and about Covid. Children deserve to be taught how to grieve and how to be empathetic to others no matter what.

In Patches’ honor, perhaps the people who are reading this could commit to being more compassionate and teaching their children to be the same.

5 Ways To Instill Kindness In Children

November 13, 2022November 14, 2022 Stephanie G. Cox, M.S.Ed

The night I wrote the following post was World Kindness Day. There’s so much hate going on in the world that we must commit to instilling kindness in our children for a better future. I am truly afraid of what the world will become if kindness and compassion don’t prevail.

1) Be kind yourself.

Children are constantly watching us from the moment they are born even when we don’t think they are. Let them see you open the door for people, smiling at all kinds of people, giving to people in need. Also, be kind to your children and apologize when you are unkind. We are all human beings that make mistakes.

2) Affirm acts of kindness.

When the baby hands you something, smile at him/her and thank the baby. Tell the baby how kind he/she is. Point out when your child does something kind without being asked such as, cleaning up, helping a sibling, or helping friends. Tell children how their kindness affects people even if it’s something small. For example, “Your sister looked so happy when you gave her your toy to play with.” The more you affirm kindness, the more children will continue to be kind.

3) Regularly participate in events that help people and animals.

Take your children shopping for other children. Donate to different causes. Go help at your local animal shelters. By participating in different events and fundraisers, you allow children to give back to others that need help. This also teaches gratitude for what they have.

4) Teach children about people who are different.

This is so critical for instilling kindness in children. Teach and expose them to all different races and ethnicities, LBGTQ+, people with disabilities. We must understand that all people are equal and they deserve kindness. The more children are taught to accept and embrace different people, the more likely that they will help these people and stick up for them instead of bullying and oppressing them.

5) Teach mindfulness to help them regulate their emotions.

Children, especially young children, have a hard time regulating their emotions, so it’s up to us to help them learn how to regulate them. We do this by naming the emotions that they are experiencing. For example, “You’re really angry. Let me help you. Here’s a pillow to kick.” Also, help the child to take some big breaths in and out. Doing a calming visual can also help calm the children down so you can teach them how to do better once they are calm and able to really hear you.

Children deserve kindness no matter what. This world is getting worse and worse because the media, especially social media, are fueling hate. I highly recommend limiting your time on social media. We can fight back by being kind and teaching kindness every day.

“Frozen” Gratitude

November 27, 2019November 27, 2019 Stephanie G. Cox, M.S.Ed

Tomorrow’s Thanksgiving and it’ll be a different one than usual due to a hiccup in my current trauma recovery, but I am slowly learning what true love is.

In the movie, Frozen, Else has a special gift of being able to create ice and snow. Unfortunately, while playing with her little sister, Anna, she accidentally hurt her with her special power. From that day on, she was told to not show her power to anyone and it was treated like a curse. She was separated from her sister and her little sister didn’t understand why due to the memory being erased.

Fear triggers Elise to create ice in a dangerous way. But after she finally becomes free, she learns to use it for beauty and in the end, a single act of true love is the only thing that will undo Anna being frozen.

We want our children and the world to become kinder and more loving. I believe that the only way to do this is to practice true love. And to let the children be who they are as long as they are not hurting anyone.

Love and kindness cultivate a grateful heart whereas harshness and hate create anger and bitterness. This Thanksgiving, and year round, let’s do our best to create love, kindness, and gratitude!

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Christmas, Bullying, And Raising Kind, Compassionate Children.

December 31, 2018 Stephanie G. Cox, M.S.Ed

I can’t believe it’s Christmas time again. Well, it was when I began writing this post.

If you’re anything like me, you enjoy helping others in need all year-round, but especially this time of the year. There are so many people in need and we are called to help them.

Unfortunately, this time of year also brings out the greediness in many. You usually see this on Black Friday (which starts on Thanksgiving night now) and just before Christmas when people fight over the products that they must have.

Our children are aware of all of this. They are also aware of when we are unkind to each other and them. Conversely, they’re also aware of our kindness and compassion for each other.

This is why I was sickened and angered by this dad who forced his daughter to walk to school which is miles away while he videotaped her in order to punish her for bullying.

Punishment is also a form of bullying because it teaches children how to force people to do what they want. It is a temporary, ineffective solution to any behavioral issues, but especially for bullying. Most bullying is the result of bullies feeling powerless because there’s either too much control in the home, i.e. authoritarian parenting (very controlling and punitive), or not enough care and acknowledgment, i.e.neglectful and permissive parenting. Some children (and adults) are so desperate for control and power that they will target seemingly weaker people. They push and push until they get the reaction they want and then they feel powerful being over the other person.

While I completely understand the seriousness of bullying as I have been bullied and made fun of my whole life, and I just dealt with a cyber bully, I feel like the dad just reinforced the bully mentality by making his daughter walk to school and video it.

What did it teach her about kindness and respect? NOTHING! And his demeanor was very punitive and bullyish. Forcing her to walk in the cold while he followed her in his truck and videoed the whole thing is punishment, not a consequence of her actions. And SHE was also bullied herself. Think maybe she was trying to exercise power over others like they had done to her? There is no excuse for bullying, but you have to understand all the reasons why a child is behaving in a certain manner so that you can work with him/her and teach him/her.

Children learn what they live. As I said, I just recently had a cyber bullying incident that I had to report to Facebook. Both children and adults get behind their screens and say things that they usually wouldn’t ever say to the other person’s face. I have not been a bully but I have been harsh online and have had to apologize for my behavior. Saying anything cruel and calling names is bullying and verbal and emotional abuse!

It’s very important to realize that people of any age that act poorly usually feel poorly. If one feels good about oneself, usually they don’t have the need to exercise control or get a reaction from another person. There’s no need to purposefully hurt another person when you have healthy self-compassion. Bullies are trying to get/do one of two things:

Exercise control over a weaker person to feel powerful and inflict pain so that someone else can feel the pain that they are feeling.
To get a negative reaction from the victim as well as attention from others.

I would be very upset if I had a child and my child ever bullied another child. Social media and other media outlets are showing bullying to children. So the first two things I would ask if my child was being a bully is “What have I been doing to contribute to this?” And, “Why is my child feeling like he/she has to bully?” There is a reason for all unwanted behaviors. I would work on the connection between my child and me.

I would limit screen time for my child and insist on knowing every account they have. Many children and adults have secret accounts for bullying and other inappropriate things that they don’t want anyone else to know about. It is crucial to be an active participant in our children’s online activities. We need to stop cyber bullying and teach children that cyber bullying is also never okay. If they see online bullying, they should put an eyeball 👁 emoji in the comments. And cyber bullying must always be reported!

I would have many long discussions with my child about why it’s NEVER ok to bully. I would read books with him/her about people who were bullied. I would role play to teach kindness. I would have him/her do community service with me.

Teaching children unconditional kindness is so important. Unconditional kindness is when we do something kind to someone without expecting any type of reward or credit for it . This is true kindness.

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Another critical thing I would do is teach my children about all different people and not do anything to criticize differences. When disability, culture, religion, age, race, and sexuality differences are understood, there’s less bullying because children learn that we’re all humans and we deserve equality and respect no matter what! This is why I wrote my children’s book about my cerebral palsy which is currently being illustrated. When we understand someone very different than us, it leads to kindness and compassion (unless the person is mentally ill and unable to be kind).

Finally, I would take the child to and from school and check in with her/his teacher until I could trust him/her again. Gentle parenting is more work than just punishment. Most parents don’t do anything because they don’t know how.

This is an excellent article about helping bullies become more empathetic and compassionate with others.

Understanding what drives bullies is crucial to both stopping and preventing it. Teaching children empathy and compassion is so important. And Christmas time is a great time to really teach this so it will continue year-long. When children see and are involved with more giving than receiving, they’re taught about empathy for people who aren’t as well off as they might be. It also teaches gratefulness and that they are not entitled to get anything.

Christmas and New Years’ is a time to get involved with different charities. It’s also a time to reflect on our relationships with our children and other people. Children need our love and a deep connection with us. They need to see healthy relationships with people. This is vital for teaching empathy, compassion, and love towards others. They also need us to teach them healthy coping skills for their negative emotions.

I believe most bullies can be reformed if they are worked with for a while. It may not happen overnight but we have the power to show them what empathy and compassion looks like. We can soften a harden heart by helping them deal with their own pain that is causing them to bully. We can teach them gently that greed and entitlement are bad.

Here is another excellent article about how to deal with bullying.

Children who witness bullying should always report it to a trusted adult. If they are being bullied, they should do their best not to react and walk away to report it. I believe teaching children self-defense is also important. Taekwondo and karate are wonderful ways of accomplishing this!

This Bible verse came up in my devotional recently during my cyber bullying incident. It comforted me and applies to everyone even if one isn’t a believer.

“But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High; for He Himself is kind to ungrateful and evil men” (Luke 6:35, NASB).

As we enter the new year, may we use gentle parenting to prevent bullying and raise kind, compassionate children! I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and will have a happy, healthy, blessed New Year!

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